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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to believe that most feminists are in actual fact giving women a bad name?

360 replies

Casey76 · 04/06/2011 19:38

I, along with most women I imagine are grateful that women fought to give us a vote.....

However I believe that things have gone to far..I hate women who moan and bitch about how they can't have everything!!!!!!!!

No your damn right you can not have everything ...if you go to work full time when your children are young, YOU WILL MISS OUT!!!!!

Why should women have it all???

I believe that most feminists think that they are more worthy of having everything then men and guess what you are wrong...men dont have it all...most men still work full time and still miss out on their children..

Men used to provide for their families...Men used to have a little pride...I don't think that that those women all those years ago wanted things to go this far...where some women see men as useless and think they can do everthing with out them..including having children...fair enough if you split up and you end up a single mum thats one thing but choosing to have a baby alone is just plain selfish....women should not be allowed to use a sperm doner if they are single..

So you feminists who think you are better then men and that you can have everything..YOU ARE WRONG...I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
happy4eva · 05/06/2011 19:57

calm down ladies :)

Primalscream · 05/06/2011 19:59

Cory - I have referenced a report on declining female happiness - ( available to read on the Internet ) - this survey, whether you wish to take any notice of it or not, is a genuine report and it's findings should be taken seriously.
And wrt aspiring to abject poverty - that's not what I meant and you know it - studies have shown that a person on a comfortable salary is just as happy as a multi-millionaire ( everything else being equal )

( I have a degree in social sciences btw )

happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:02

ChristinedePizan S

Ive already given one which i wont repeated :)

They do not get the chance to stay at home with baby they get what 3 weeks paternity as mummy gets a year?? thats not fair

Men do get sexual harrassment too you know but yes they can of course report it but it does not get treated the same as a womens would..

Men get treated alot different than women with the police doctors ect
Working men get badly treated from work if they have to stay home because of a ill child or ECCare as a women has special days for this
the list could go on forever

happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:03

Not to mention the emotional abuse men recieve for being a stay at home dad

MurphyWasAnOptimist · 05/06/2011 20:04

I still haven't understood why mums who work ft with small children miss out but dads don't?

happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:05

As women we all have rights which we should all be thankful for but we cannot forget human rights which really is what it should be called not women rights

happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:06

dads do miss out just as mums do

AnnieLobeseder · 05/06/2011 20:07

Casey, you seem to be confusing working mothers with feminists. While some belong to both groups, they are not necessarily the same thing. Some working mothers are not feminists, some feminists are SAHMs. I think you're a little confused. Working full-time is not a requirement of being a feminists. Nor is demanding the right to work, and see more of your children, and do it all without a pesky man holding you back.

happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:11

and do it all without a pesky man holding you back

You see if that was said about a women said by a man
It would be sexist ....

I know that sounds blow out of the water but really thats what some women moan about which is soooo silly
But equal rights ladys

Original poster
Casey76 · 05/06/2011 20:12

I agree with equal rights...not womens rights, that was the point that I was trying to make.
That is why I think things have gone too far...look at fathers for justice? this was taken over my extremists in the end same as with feminism what ever good has been done in the past is quickly being undone..you only have to look at Britain today with girl gangs and girls talking down to boys..because they have 'girl power'..It just means girls today think that they can have it all then get pissed off when they realise that they can't..men should respect women the same as women should respect men.

OP posts:
MurphyWasAnOptimist · 05/06/2011 20:13

Yes, I agree Happy. But the OP doesn't mention dads missing out at all. It's all about the selfish mums who want it all.

Both me and dh are feminists in the sense that we both equally value time with our children and also our careers without reference to gender and we put those values into practice.

Original poster
Casey76 · 05/06/2011 20:15

Thats my point 'do it without a pesky man holding you back' maybe you have just met the wrong man? or maybe you just feel that as you are an all powerful women you do not need a man?
Thats equality?

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 05/06/2011 20:15

Happy4eva - many of the changes which will benefit women, such as shared parental leave, will benefit men as well as women. Which is lovely, but let's not forget that men still hold pretty much all the cards. It wasn't too long ago that I was posting messages very similar to yours, about how we should be aiming for equal rights for everyone, not just for women. But I had an epiphany, through reading the posts of feminists on here. There are very few areas where men have it harder than women, so for the most part they really have nothing to complain about. But the few instances where they do get a rough deal, such as SAHDs not being taken seriously, can be remedied by women getting equal recognition and respect.

Do you know what SAHDs don't get respect? Or why boys can't wear skirts while girls can wear trousers? On the surface, it looks like women have the upper hand in these cases. But look more closely. The reason is that skirts and staying at home with the children are seen as women's things, and therefore inferior and not good enough for men. It's OK for women to work and wear trousers - by doing these 'man things', they are moving up. Men at toddler groups or boys in skirts are lowering themselves to the level of women.

The day women's things are seen as equal in value to men's things, neither group will have anything to complain about.

ChristinedePizan · 05/06/2011 20:16

Those are all parenting issues happy4eva, they are not universal things that apply to all men. And fwiw I know several SAHDs and none of them suffer emotional abuse. Can you explain what you mean by that?

Do you have any comment about the fact that women get paid less than a man for doing the same job?

Original poster
Casey76 · 05/06/2011 20:16

I think that I have mentioned in previous posts that I feel that dads are not given the same rights as mums in custody cases...so they do miss out.

OP posts:
happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:17

yes totally agree equal rights thats that not men are better or women are better just equal that will do me :)

OOO but do not forget childrens right aswell they equal to of course :)

AnnieLobeseder · 05/06/2011 20:17

Happy4eva and casey, you missed my point. I meant that getting rid of the pesky man is NOT necessary for feminism. I was being ironic. We don't want to get rid of pesky men at all. Sorry if I worded it badly. If you read my earlier posts you would see that I'm very happily married to a man who is very rarely pesky.

MurphyWasAnOptimist · 05/06/2011 20:17

You're conflating social problems with feminism Casey. The gang culture is a social ill, that girls take part equally is perhaps an outcome of feminism but the root of the problem is the gang culture, not feminism! The long hours culture and rigid working practices mean that working parents (mums and dads) have less time with their children - either way, one parent suffers, right?

Rather than being angry at girls 'having it all', let's look at how we can have a better society by encouraging more flexible working, dads taking more paternity leave etc. Feminism has many strands and the trpe I sign up to puts families front and centre.

Original poster
Casey76 · 05/06/2011 20:18

My friend is a head teacher at a primary school as is her husband they get paid the same..

OP posts:
happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:20

women do not get paid less in the same job thats against the law well in the uk anyway
sooo do not know what your going on about then

And yes i know alot of blokes that have given up being a stay at home dad from the simply fact they abuse off people for not being a proper man ect so yes i can say that thank you

happy4eva · 05/06/2011 20:23

AnnieLobeseder

Sorry i know you were joking i was just using you as a example for somone else hope you dont mind :)

MurphyWasAnOptimist · 05/06/2011 20:24

The point is Casey is that feminism DOES give dads equal rights. They are equal parents, not just the breadwinner. If a Dad is an equal carer to the children as the Mum, then it stands to reason that that will be taken into account. As Cory said earlier, my DH is so intimately involved in the children's lives that I couldn't imagine me having full custody and him just seeing them once a week!

As things stand at the moment, in most families it's the Mum who is the primary carer. We see it at the school gate, most carers picking up are the mums, dads are in the minority. So no surprise that mums are usually awarded custody.

Feminism works to men's benefit as well.

Original poster
Casey76 · 05/06/2011 20:25

So when in the majority of households the men worked and the women looked after the children there were less problems with teenagers and gangs etc because the children were being looked after by their mothers....what was the problem with that? Why did things change so that now in most households both parents work and children are passed around and not being properly rasied by either parent because of the lack of time spent with them..why did anyone think this would be a good idea?

OP posts:
ChristinedePizan · 05/06/2011 20:26

It may be illegal but it's real

And knowing a few people with antediluvian views is not evidence that men suffer emotional abuse when they are WOHPs. Do you know what the term emotional abuse actually means?

MurphyWasAnOptimist · 05/06/2011 20:28

I agree it's better to have a PARENT around if possible. Do you have any evidence that it has to be the mum though? What's wrong with Dads?