Why is everyone so mean on mumsnet?

[Orchidskeepdying]

New poster - been lurking for a few weeks. What I've noticed is that everyone is so mean. Parents/women/people come here for advice and they are torn to pieces or spelling critisied.

I feel that you all can be a little bit nicer to each other. People sometimes post to get a different opinion, but we can be nice about how we say things!

Anyway, thanks for listening - i bet someone will say something mean!

[Primalscream]

MillyR - do you run a motel?

[DontCallMePeanut]

OK, AIBU is my regular haunt... But I wouldn't say anyone is ever truly mean on here. If they are, it's a damn rarity...

[MillyR]

No.

[Niecie]

SBG wasn't mean - she might have phrased it in a more soft and fluffy way but she probably has a point. You are probably aware of meanness because you have said something that somebody disagrees with and told you so, in a non soft and fluffy way.

TBH I don't personally come across much meanness, quite the opposite but since I have been here a long time I am sure that I will just be accused of being part of the problem, even though I am not part of a clique and I doubt most people have never even heard of me. Maybe I am just a hardened old crone.

If you don't like the tone of the place then maybe it isn't for you, which is fine, it isn't for everybody. It would be boring if we all liked the same things. Personally I would rather have straight talking even if it was harsh than to be forever trying to work out whether somebody was actually being nasty but covering it up with nice words.

[ilovesooty]

'Mean' is such a silly little word anyway. It smacks of six year old girls in the playground, 'telling' on each other

Agreed.

[SarahStratton]

Wow. I've seen straight talking on MN. I've seen some outstandingly stupid posts on MN. I've not really seen any bullying on MN. It's hard to translate the meaning behind the written word occasionally. I find it best to err on the side of niceness and assume the best.

There are some wonderful and truly lovely posters on here. One rescued me from a Red Ted moment and sent me the very last of her magic cream. I passed that kindness on and gave someone my old ipod. I've seen so many acts of kindness and selflessness on here, they far outweigh any perceived 'meanness'.

Try Chat. It's ever so slightly 'kinder' there. AIBU is exactly what it says. Don't expect everyone to agree with you.

[QuintessentialOldMoo]

I am sometimes meanspirited. I admit that. Sometimes a poster says something that really grate with me, and I dont hold back.

And we are not all wonderful. Not everybody you meet in life is wonderful, so why should only wonderful people gather on a specific forum, AND be honest and simultaneously totally lovely at the same time?

But I think, most of the time I am kind. And most of the time most posters are kind.

Unless somebody is blatantly stupid, pigheaded, ignorant "know-it-alls".

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Ive been here a while.
I've only seen one or two cases of bullying.
I've seen straighttalking.
I've seen tongue in cheek posts that many 'newbies' would probably take as being mean.

You have to look past all that. and keep out of the AIBU threads.

And you know what? If you searched the words "unmumsnet-like hug" you'd find they are a hell of a lot more popular than words of abuse.

[SarahStratton]

Well I'm wonderful. I know I am. I think everyone should be like me, then there wouldn't be any need for meanness. And we would all live Happily Ever After. In our little Happy Bubbles.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

[Gooseberrybushes]

Pinot hmm how to say thanks without looking like a drip. Is it even possible. But y know.

[Gooseberrybushes]

Neice: if you don't like it here, leave? actually people might like the straight talking but dislike the mean-spiritedness. There's a difference.

I hate that.. if you don't like it, leave. As in, we can be as vile as we like and you can piss off.

[SarahStratton]

Bwahahah your evil plan is foiled.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

But that's the thing isnt Gooseberry. You do get alot of straight talking and a hell of a lot of fights on here, alot of people do take offense. That is their problem. Posters on mumsnet arnt going to stop swearing and bitching at each other and suddenly become all sweetness and light so the only other viable option is to actually leave and find another forum that is more to your taste.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Who says I aint resourceful? Saving the planet from water shortages and fairy dust all at the same time!

[exoticfruits]

Most threads are fine. Just keep off anything to do with feeding babies, Home Education and SAHM v WOHM, unless you agree with the majority.
Never, ever say anything about vaccination or lack of! Take care with AIBU -but that can be fun sometimes!
Most posters are supportive and some are very witty!

[SoloIsAHotCougar]

I'm not mean...

[Psammead]

I am a sensitive soul. Conflict upsets me and mean words make me want to curl up in the corner with a wibbly bottom lip.

But even a twat like me cannot understand threads like this. I see them all the time. Either I am an incredibly good and totally oblivious bullet dodger, or MN is really not that bad.

[jellyvodkas]

I totally agree ORCHID..DYING.
Its disgusting how rude some folk can be. Its like people driving in cars who stick their middle finger up at you,,, just because faces and identity is hidden people think they can be nasty, blunt, swear, and point the finger, tell you you are talking a load of rubbish etc.
Some mnetters have been rude to me years back, and I dont think I deserved it. Who do they think they are.
Imagine if they spoke to you like that when you voiced your opinion at a party....?
They wouldnt have the guts to do so. (Cowards)
I have been on here since my DS was 3 and he is now 10 yrs.
Many a time I have posted on mnett about the rudeness and the fowl language people write.
I am so glad to read this post ORCHID!
Here Here !!!!!

[BornInAfrica]

I love worra and SGB and all the other straight talking so called meanies and prefer them any single day over the whiny 'I'm sooooooo lovely' 'awwwwww hunni' 'omg you're all so nasty to me' whingers who assume that because someone can speak plainly without recourse to bullshit that they must be drunk. And if all that fails they can press the report button. There are two serial reporters just on this thread >

Be gone with you fluffbunnies - go defend some stupid people somewhere else!

[BornInAfrica]

Oh sorry - FPMSL at 'fowl language' - those damned chickens really have to stop cussing!!!

[RockStockandTwoOpenBottles]

I don't think it's mean. I love that it's refreshingly honest most of the time. I did have one particular poster who was quite very nasty to me for no reason other than to upset me. Which she did with her self righteous all important 'I'm amazing, look at me' views. But at the very same time I saw just how wonderful MN and MNetters can be when several leapt to my defence in support of me.

I love AIBU - a large percentage of which are clearly people have a giggle. It never ceases to amaze me how many on here take some things so seriously, when it is so obvious that it's meant to be in jest (and I mean in jest, not trolling). On the other hand though, the world would be a bloody boring place if we all agreed with each other, no?

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

'fowl language'

I fucking love it!

[Primalscream]

MN is so big now it's almost impossible to remember names.
I see about 10 new names a day and rarely remember who I've spoken to or what I've said to them.
I couldn't tell you who started this thread unless I looked.
A few years ago you'd see the same 20 names all the time ( I'm sure they were only about 100 people on MN back then )