Why is everyone so mean on mumsnet?

[Orchidskeepdying]

New poster - been lurking for a few weeks. What I've noticed is that everyone is so mean. Parents/women/people come here for advice and they are torn to pieces or spelling critisied.

I feel that you all can be a little bit nicer to each other. People sometimes post to get a different opinion, but we can be nice about how we say things!

Anyway, thanks for listening - i bet someone will say something mean!

[ahusband]

All forums have idiots. A million times easier to be mean anonymously than to someone's face. Unfortunately the idiots can sometimes overpower comments from friendly helpful people!

[valiumbandwitch]

I've been here ages (although with umpteen names) and I like to think that I've never been pointlessly need to somebody. Even if I want to pierce somebody's denial (as I see it) I would attempt to do it without being a bitch!

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

I dont can deal with the 'fuck off you loon' stuff. Its easy to ignore (personally).

When people make an assumption about you based on a few posts and then run with it for pages - thats harder. That does happen on MN. Its not nice.

[GinSlinger]

If you look at some of the support that has come through relationships/bereavement/childbirth/miscarriage - oh hundreds of topics then you'd realise what a fabulous bunch of women there are here. If you're in trouble someone will be here.

[Gooseberrybushes]

I just asked someone how long they had been on mn. It was to find out if they had joined for that thread. Of course I could have said "been hiding under bridges?" or "not feeding you" or "trip trap" but I just asked.

"That you started a thread like this in the first place suggests that you have made an idiot of yourself elsewhere, OP. Now you've marked your own card even more as an attention-seeking whinyarse, unfortunately. Blow your nose, name change and try again."

There you go. It doesn't say anything of the sort. It says more about the people who have this desperate need to respond like this.

[worraliberty]

One person's 'mean' is another person's 'straight talking'.

It's the difference between asking "Does my bum look big?" and getting the replies...

"Yes, it does. Have you tried realistically doing something about it?"

Or...

"Oh hunny everyone's bums look big. Remember you had a baby 15yrs ago so there's plenty of time to tone up"

Personally I'd prefer the first answer, but some will opt for the second

[Nanny0gg]

Define 'mean'.

[Tortington]

i wouldn't come here if it was all arse kissing and being nice. I think mumsnet is ia bit like driving. Women have to have a certain amount of balls to do it - or they just drive in there own little comfort zone

[Gooseberrybushes]

Worraliberty I don't think you have a normal concept of mean/straight talking. I've seen you in action, remember? I would have been embarrassed to post that way.

[Gooseberrybushes]

Don't worry OP - you are right. There are mean people here. Don't worry, most are nice. But some are mean. Just give as good as you get to the mean ones and tell them to go and boil their heads.

[worraliberty]

Gooseberry Just reading your posts on this thread alone is making me cringe for you...let alone all your other posts I've read and been embarrassed for you over.

That just proves my point.

One person's straight talking is another person's 'mean'

[TheFlyingOnion]

SGB has demonstrated that yes, some people are needlessly mean. However, they are a minority and you just have to ignore them.

I have told people to fuck off on here though - some "debates" can get me quite heated. I do try to be reasonable though.... some people find being told to fuck off quite rude, I would have thought, but I'm quite a sweary mary in rl too

[Andrewofgg]

For a male (who posts occasionally) it is fascinating - like being able innocently to overhear women talking in a place where they assume no man can hear them. The changing rooms at my gym are similar; they let the sound through. Since men tend not to talk to each other in the changing rooms the women don't hear us - so they don't know we can hear them. Unintentional eavesdropping!

[Primalscream]

Oh Andrew you perv

[worraliberty]

It's all horses for courses and with such a vast and diverse array of posters from all different places/background/races/religions etc... there will always be disagreements on what is mean and what isn't.

Personally, I prefer plain talking or even 'mean' posters to keyboard martyrs...you know the type who only really post to tell everyone they're all so very unkind all the time.

If MN or any other site in cyberland gets to someone that much, it's really time to switch off and go and do something meaningful and less stressful.

[SnuffleTurtle153]

I've posted a few times and always had massively helpful responses. I think MN - and esp AIBU - is just very good at pointing out when someone is being an arse. But that doesn't make it mean!

[BooyHoo]

OP you sound like my sister

she went to australia and came home because 'everyone was mean' to her boohoohoo.

I'd take a 'fuck off you cunt' (never had it mind) over a 'hun' on here anyday.

[worraliberty]

Fuck off hun

[Gooseberrybushes]

I really don't care if you cringe for me or not. I have a very low opinion of you.

[BooyHoo]

worral what have you done? you have ruined it now!!

[Gooseberrybushes]

hopefully you won't mind if I tell you to fuck off then? brutal honesty on a plate if you want it

[BooyHoo]

is taht me gooseberry? no i dont mind at all. like i said, i prefer that to all the huns and bunnies. makes me feel at home

[Tanith]

I sometimes wonder if some of them can read. So many AIBUs have ended up in a furious argument over something the OP never said in the first place or with a sentence taken out of context and deliberately misunderstood.

Is there such an acronym as RTFOP on here?

[Gooseberrybushes]

no not to you at all I don't think we know each other.. but it was an unfortunate x post

[AuntieMonica]

i think the difference in being 'mean' and being 'direct' is when it is obviously personal.

i often give direct answers, but never set out to be obviously 'mean' - i have been pulled up for being eg been patronising or wrong, and have apologised to the OP when done so

there are some posts now on THIS thread which are getting very personal - therefore proving there are some mean posters on MN