to think that women with spanking fetishes and suchlike should be ashamed of themselves?

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

ditto being tied up, rape fantasies etc

what sort of message does this sort of "fantasy" send to the male of the species? That really, deep down, women want to be dominated? That physical control is sexy?

Honestly. Women who indulge in this sort of twisted self-hatred need therapy. And to grow up.

Damn that looked good.

I still don't get why someone might "not agree" with spanking/domination fantasies?

A fantasy is just that - not real, and if someone acts on that fantasy with their partner, I don't see how someone else's sex life can possibly affect someone so that they either "agree" or "don't agree" with it?

I suppose roleplaying as for example a nurse makes men think they can hit on any nurse they meet

What about men with spanking fetishes or who like to be tied up? Is that A-OK or is it unacceptable for some other reason?

Can we please have a "frothing at the gash" emoticon?

We will be invaded soon - bet the spanking forums (they MUST exist) are already girding their loins for a trip to MN.

Interesting, I hadn't expected such a unanimous response of "you're an idiot". I certainly don't think women who go out dressed in skimpy clothing are asking to be raped. I don't think women are responsible for male violence. I do think, though, that it is worrying and negative for women to find male domination/violent control scenarios erotic.

I think a fantasy is fine - if it is genuinely a fantasy. So if you're chasing each other around the bedroom throwing fake blows at each other like an elaborate stage fight, that's fine. If you are actually hitting each other, I don't believe that has no psychological impact. In fact, if it didn't have a psychological impact, you wouldn't be doing it.

But I understand that it is none of my business. I don't think there is a need for people to feel ashamed because of it.

In response to the other question - I think it impacts my life because it affects society and the standing of women as a whole. There is plenty of evidence in popular culture for the idea that tying women up and slapping them around is sexy. Women dressed in school clothing is a mainstream "sexy" image. This disturbs me.

"I do think, though, that it is worrying and negative for women to find male domination/violent control scenarios erotic."

yes, OP and you are entitled to your opinion. However, what goes on behind closed doors is none of your business.

I'm sure we could all repeat our posts for you if thats easier?

If repeating yourself is the level of involvement in the debate with which you feel comfortable Onion, don't let me stop you.

I think that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home is entirely up to them. I think that the line between fantasy and reality needs to be clear, but I don't believe that all the submissive ones are of the same gender, likewise with dominant.

OP what about all the men that enjoy being spanked and tied up?

I did cringe at rhianna's latest song given her much publicised beat up by chris brown

Um.

I wonder if the point is more that sexual violence against women has become much more..."acceptable" as in, images of women being chained up and spanked are becoming ever more mainstream (along with everything else become more pornified) and that this projects a belief amongst some men that women LIKE sexual violence. Or something.

Theres some loons about on MN today, again

Sadly, every nuance and species of women's sexuality is capable of being packaged up and distorted into a performance that gratifies men and objectifies women. The solution probably isn't to censor women's sexuality. It is probably to attack the corruption of authentic female sexuality into nothing more than a prop for men's desires.

what an utterly ridiculous OP.

I spent years living with a man who beat and raped me.

I still find the idea of (admitedly mild) domination and spanking a turn on.
Equally i enjoy being dominant on occasion.

I think it says far more about your naivity and immaturity than those who do like to partake in such activities.

And where is Mal?? she would just love you OP

Oh x posted with loads.

having said that i did make a lot of noise and cats bum faces about Rhianna, who has previously experienced DV, releasing a song called S&M

I think the issue of men being dominated/abused by women in sexual roleplay is less corrosive but it is still unhealthy IMO in that it often objectifies the woman as punitive mother figure.

I do think the female being abused as sexual roleplay is more frightening. I am pretty intolerant of the objectification and infantilisation of women in pornography and elsewhere in the media. I find it difficult to understand intelligent, independent women who choose to play into it.

Oooo i love a bit of male dominance me, weak at the knees!
Fuck society, with two toddlers in the house we're lucky to get what we can....so we, erm, make the most of every 'experience'.

Have you banned music and dancing in your republic too OP?

As the yoofs say ''Bore-off!''

OP

right so, why post in AIBU if you do not think you may be being UR?

yaaaawn

YABVVVVU its their business not yours. I love it when my dh slaps my bum, oooh er missues. My goodness, we are consenting adults, we have a right to do as we please as long as its not illegal.

The domination is only sexy if both parties know it's not real. Either person can stop at any time if they wish and neither would continue if they thought their partner wasn't enjoying themselves.

And as for the physical side, the pain and pleasure centres in the brain are right next to each other and there is often some cross-over. This means in the right circumstances a slap can be pleasurable. (It's also the reason some people like eating really spicy food, the pain from the spice triggers (non-sexual) pleasure.)