to think that women with spanking fetishes and suchlike should be ashamed of themselves?

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

ditto being tied up, rape fantasies etc

what sort of message does this sort of "fantasy" send to the male of the species? That really, deep down, women want to be dominated? That physical control is sexy?

Honestly. Women who indulge in this sort of twisted self-hatred need therapy. And to grow up.

I'm just guessing, janelikesjam, and I can't speak for everyone, but I would imagine that people are angry because they OP said that people who indulge in BDSM in any form should be 'ashamed of themselves', 'need therapy' and 'need to grow up'.

Just a hunch. That's going to piss a few people off. I can't imagine that anyone is 'on a mission'

I think you have to make a distinction between those who like bdsm (the spanking, being tied and all that goes with) and those with rape fantasies. The whole absolute point of bdsm is that it is consensual. If it is not consensual it is rape, or abuse, make no mistake about it. I am very much into bdsm, much more so than my partner, i do not have rape fantasies.

Sunshine: No, the distinction is between fantasy and reality. Women who have rape fantasies do not want to be raped. Most romance novels are one long rape fantasy and the Twilight books are eroticized DV, pretty much. Actually, I find Twilight far, far more problematic than BDSM porn, partly becasue Twilight is peddled to young girls and because some fuckwitted people thinks it sends a good message because of the buckethead author's superstition and hostility towards sex before marriage.

Ye'll all be in the Daily Mail - Mark my words

oh, ive not read any of the twighlight hokum. I agree with you that women with rape fantasy dont want to be raped. I just think that the whole point of being sexually submissive is the consent - well, it is for me. So whilst i agree with you 100% there is a massive distinction between fantasy and reality, i think it is a very different thing with BDSM, for me personally, although i fantasize about it, it is actually reality sometimes. I dont want to fantasize about getting spanked and whipped, i actually like it, i like the way it makes me feel physically. Im not even sure if its anything to do with being submissive, i had several tattoos because i enjoyed the endorphin rush, and i think that is, for me, what it is about. Of course, everyone is different and I dont really understand myself why i like it so why someone else does, well only they may or may not know that. I do find it extremely interesting and think that it is soemthing very deepseated because it is much more common than people think. I used to like to think i was very unusual, but i aint :)

Being spanked can appeal to just as many men as women.

I used to think that Daisy, in fact i actually thought i was, like, the only woman in the world who liked it, but i am honestly convinced that female submissive far outweigh the male. Saying that, i have no idea what the figures would be. I personally dont buy the powerful job = sexually submissive. Saying that i am extremely assertive and my DP will often refer to me as the pitbull I am a bit of a control freak too, but actually, i dont want to be, at all and i would quite happily live in a 24/7 D/s relationship, but my DP isnt Dom and thats ok too, cos he is lovely (even though he is in the dog house cos hes been a [prick tonight)

I quite liked being spanked but my OH loves it far more! (and my OH is a he)
We went to a spanking night once and there was an equal split between men and women who liked being spanked.
I appreciate this was a small number to sample.

Sunshine - why would you say that female are probably more submissive when you haven't checked the figures?

Personally I totally get the BDSM thing. I have fun during sex with a trusting partner and can easily do BDSM. I don't understand however the connection of how you like to be treated in the bedroom to how you want to be treated in society?

In society I expect equal opportunities and to be treated in a decent manner. At home with my husband I want to be a sexy minx. As long as I don't start a sex session in Sainsburys I think it's okay to have a distinction.

Reindeer, i didnt explain myself very well - i certainly wouldnt want to be submissive with anyone other than my partner, lol, dare anyone try. Well, in truth dare he it would never work for me 24/7 because i am too much of a pitbull, but it is a lovely fantasy.

Im not sure why i say there are more female subs really, just my feeling - thts not very scientific is it ;)

My DP doesnt like me to spank him, he will do me occasionally, but whilst he exercises restraint, he wont let me have the whip, because im vicious with it, he let me do it ONCE :) the fool!

Sorry Sunshine, my post looks like a dig, which wasn't intended (just badly worded). Thanks for being so good natured to me in your response.

I know exactly what you mean, btw

Good grief, is this still rumbling along?

< bounds in like tigger after a secret blow job from Christopher Robin>

Oh, it's all gone a bit serious...

Christopher Robin wouldn't do that. Would he?

Only to tiggers, 'cos they're wonderful things

Look, you can't be Tigger, I'm the bouncy one, you'll have to be Roo or something.

Well i do like honey...

There's not enough choice !

Isn't there some s&m charactor in one of those books?

Pooh Goes Felching

Pigglet in a Pickle

Tiggers Tackle

I can understand why you don't understand the fetish, I don't understand why some people like golden showers but I do not think anyone should be ashamed of their particular fetish , I think if someone has a particular fetish it is such a strong part of their sexuality that they should be with someone who shares or at least understands it , it is the shame and secrecy mixed with a longing to fulfill the desire that can lead a person to see a dominatrix for example or Indulge in webchats or sex texts with likeminded people which is then cheating on their other half.

No one should feel ashamed and fwiw there are any amount of fetish sites so it is obviously more common than people would like to admit.

I would also say my husband and I have a very experimental sex life and have tried a bit of tying up etc but he certainly does not think I am asking to be hit or tied up or deserve any of these things , a man who does think like that has problems .

Can't wait for my OH to ask what's going on on Mumsnet-any minute now I'm going to have sooooooo much explaining to do. .

'Pooh does Scat' probably. Or 'Owl has a Spanking Good Time'.

I don't think I explained the last part quite right, I mean my dh does nit think women should be treated badly just because they like to be tied up or spanked.

Tigger Does Tricks.

God what am I saying. If anything is sacred and innocent it's got to be Pooh Bear

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water ? I think not.

I

Jack went fell down on Jill and broke herhis hymen crown.

I bet Alice was a right goer.

i am prone to singing the tigger song, i dont think i'll be able to do that anymore now, im off to find the eyeball bleach I do remember needing the eyeball bleach one time i was looking for balloons online for a 50th wedding aniversary, i stumbled on a website for folk with balloon fetishes, now those guys need help

Tiggers are fun and bouncy. And they have a wicked glint in their eyes. Tigers are naughty .