to think that women with spanking fetishes and suchlike should be ashamed of themselves?

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

ditto being tied up, rape fantasies etc

what sort of message does this sort of "fantasy" send to the male of the species? That really, deep down, women want to be dominated? That physical control is sexy?

Honestly. Women who indulge in this sort of twisted self-hatred need therapy. And to grow up.

I would agree that there are sadly men who can't differentiate between fantasy and reality but why should women have to change? Recently I was posting on a political/economic forum with vast majority male posters discussing the IMF Strauss-Kahn case - this was mainly a discussion about repercussions on Greek bailout etc. Several men waded in with theories about the Chambermaid having wanted to participate in a fantasy of being dominated/taken by a rich man etc..and then "crying" rape afterwards, others that maybe she didn't want it but she would have enjoyed it as most women enjoy that sort of thing and was only making a fuss for possible compensation. Other male posters didn't respond with agreement but they didn't find the postings offensive enough to bother challening them.

However, it is the men with the offensive views who need to get some understanding of the difference between giving up one's power in a consenting relationship and forced assault and rape.

British men do have a reputation in some of the countries I have lived in of wanting to be spanked (I think it even came up in Sex and the City). Some people link that to corporal punishment in schools. It is a stereotype though of course.

You come across as so judgemental which is a shame as this a point for discussion I think. It's one thing for an adult, sexually confident woman to explore her fantasies and boundaries - and no woman should be ashamed of that. It's awful though that very young or unconfident women (and men for that matter) put up with practices because they think they should enjoy them as they are written about/displayed in the mainstream.

The only abusive relationship I ever had was with a man that was very sexually unadventurous. I've had varying levels of kink with all the other men I've been with and it's all been consensual fun. Safewords, playing to see who likes what and reciprocal silliness. OP is full of poo. Putting it nicely :)

.... i will of course give the car a good shagging first ( naturally)

now i really must go to sleep.

What is degrading is people being told that their sexual feelings are disgusting and wrong and that if other random strangers get attacked it's all the fault of the person who had some private sexual fantasies. There has always been a rather nasty puritainical streak in some feminists (and in members of other activist movements), an enthusiasm for finding out about other people's sexual behaviour just so it can be criticized.

I don't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. It's my body and I'll do as I please with it.

You would probably have a heart attack and die if you saw of the stuff we get up to.

We took up kick boxing a few years back, added a whole new dimension. We have both had bruises after a 'play'.

some women encourage men to believe that women actually enjoy being abused

"Some women" aren't encouraging men to believe that all women like to be
"abused".

An individual woman is telling her man at the present time that she likes to be spanked/tied up etc. That is NOT telling him she wants to be abused!!

Unfortunately, some men think that all women like to be abused result of that. That is not the woman's fault, but the man's because he can't separate one woman from another. And it suits his own perverted thoughts to believe that to be the case!

We should definitely go for that drink, Toby

lovecat

Right, off to read the rest of the thread. Couldn't do it last night as I wasn't able to sit down was busy.

Mind boggling at morloths kickboxing foreplay!

What the shit has DV got to do with BDSM?

As a FemSub, none of my play partners have EVER come away with the assumption that what they've done with me would be acceptable to do to a person who had not pre-arranged and consented to it, or that they could perform that sort of act on me at any old time.

I have just as much self respect as the person 'spanking' me. At the end of the scene we can look at each other as equal human beings, maybe more so than many non-bdsm marriages, because we have consciously decided on that.

I can't think of any reason why the fantasies, fetishes, or sexual preferences of others should be of any concern to you, OP.

You come across as being extremely uptight. Are you seeking to beat yourself up for your own fantasies, or find an excuse for refusing a request from your nearest & dearest?

Have you considered the possibility that it's you that needs to grow up and/or seek therapy?

IMO those who rape, assault, murder, or otherwise intentionally cause harm to others, should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. The rest of us have nothing to reproach ourselves with.

Inpraiseofbacchus, that is a brilliant post and sums up my feelings on it entirely. I don't suppose i will ever really know why i enjoy being sub, but i do - and it is for me, the ultimate in trust and intimacy with my partner to say, here i am, do with me what you will (within agreed limits of course!). Its very liberating and yes i know thats an oxymoron, but it is true

A slight side issue, but just for the record I went to a barn dance with DP once (there was some kind of harvest festival thingy in the village). We had fab sex afterwards. The dancing was definitely related.

I think the 'don't try folk dancing' thing is a covert attempt at population control

Okay folks - it's Friday..... off you go..

< slips into gimp suit >

'thwack'

gimps don't do the thwacking, silly

I'm a deviant gimp with attitude

TobyLerone "I'm very ashamed of myself.

So much so that I deserve to be punished severely."

OP, you obviously know absolutely nothing whatsover about BDSM. What an ignorant and offensive post.

Deviants, perverts, the lot of you

To SaidTheSpiderWithTheSmile,

I do not know why people have responded so angrily to your original post, it seems a fair question and a fair point of consideration, whether you agree or not. Some of the posts have got very angry and personal, I think you have been very patient and undefensive .....

It is an interesting question, as you say, but it I think it is going to be hard for you to get much insight here. Sometimes Mumsnet is like that when people get on a mission ...