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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So huge party, DH stays in bed!

161 replies

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 21:26

Had a huge BBQ (by huge I mean 70 people) at lunch time today. Special occassion so loads of decorations and entertainment to sort of for all the children that came too, games etc. I was making all the food so lots to do. I got up at 6.30 to get started on it all and DH says he wants his lay-in as normal. I couldn't believe it! I have been planning the party for weeks and have done absolutely everything for it! So I just left him to it as I had too much to do to be arguing!

So I got up and moved all the furniture around, blew up balloons, put decorations up (loads of them as it had a theme), vaccumed, got kids dressed and hair done and teeth brushed, gave them breakfast, started making the food etc all whilst looking after our children. My DH got up at 8.30 and made himself breakfast (I hadn't had time for any), sat down to eat it then went for a wash and to get dressed which was again something that I hadn't managed to do. He then cut the veggies and moved the garden furniture and put out some rubbish, so he did do some stuff but it seemed begrudging and a bit humpy. So was really behing schedule and didn't quite get everything done that needed to be but just about enough. Forgot a few bits of food and things and was really stressed. The whole time the guests were here I felt like I was playing catch up.

So I'm really pissed off! He knows this and said I should have got him up earlier and that he only wanted a little lay-in, not as long as he had but how was I supposed to know that! Feel really let down as we ususally do things as a team Sad

OP posts:
Chandon · 30/05/2011 17:03

I think that most mean simply do not (want to) KNOW quite how much hard it is to host anything, let alone for 70 people.

My DH would not think it necessary to tidy (as he would never judge a mate of his on the tidiness of his home, so to him tidiness is (sadly) irrelevant).

He would not understand that any work has to be done other than putting enough seats out and chucking some beer in the fridge. job done.

He would not think any kind of decoration was worth the effort of putting up, then down...

Whereas most women suddenly feel their house has to be super tidy (as if it'll be "inspected"), there has to be interesting food (obvious effort made, salads, dips etc.) instead of a few bags of crisps and some sausages on the barbie, and "entertainment for the kids" (men vision: just send them outside with a ball and a handful of sweets. job done)

I am currently training myself to think more like a man in these matters, it is very relaxingGrin.

The other day, DH invited some friends round. He said he'd sort the food. So, we had for Sunday Lunch: fried sausages, eggs, oven chips and lots of beer. In a fairly messy house. It was actually good fun!

Chandon · 30/05/2011 17:03

not "mean", MEN

neighbourhoodwitch · 30/05/2011 17:22

Poor you, I think HE should have taken responsibility, and got himself up. It's not fair. You need to talk to him.

TheCowardlyLion · 30/05/2011 17:35

Am I the only one who is Envy of the size of the OP's house/garden? I couldn't invite seven round for a BBQ, never mind 70! Grin

vogonmothership · 30/05/2011 17:43

Do you do candlelight suppers too, op?
Grin

nzshar · 30/05/2011 18:42

OMG I totally agree with Psammead why leave so much to do on the day or even better maybe you should have said 2pm rather than 12pm to start that would have solved everything. A bit of forward planning OP maybe?

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 20:34

claig & neighbourhoodwitch Thanks for understanding my point!

I did actually do a lot of forward planning but couldn't put decorations up in advance as my pets would rip them down again so had to be done on the morning. My kids make a huge mess in 20 secs (especially that morning as only me looking after them as well as doing prep) so had to run hoover round. Tried to move furniture night before but DH told me not to and to do it in the morning! Some of the food had to be made in the morning otherwise it would have gone horrible (chopped veg for dips etc) and it's suprising how time consuming that is when its for so many people. My children had to be fed, washed, clothed and little one kept doing messy poos. Had to clear up after pets A LOT as one of the guests has pet hair induced asthma plus they walk in mud everywhere!

OP posts:
chocolatehobnobs · 30/05/2011 20:39

Sorry but I would not get up at 6:30 for a children's birthday party. 8.30 is quite reasonable IMO.

FlubbaBubba · 30/05/2011 21:25

I really don't get how you needed 5.5 hrs to do what you did!! Especially as your DH did the veggies, moved the furniture and cleared up in advance.

(and puh-lease don't take this to mean that you should be grateful that a man helped and that it's a woman's job - just before you go off on one! :o)

Goofymum · 30/05/2011 22:29

OP, you said "Yes you are right that it wasn't actually a party for 70! Can you imagine! Just meant that that's how many I ended up with in my house. I didn't feed them but provided drinks and they ate some of the nibbles which I anticipated."

If that is the case then I don't think it was unreasonable for your DH to get up at 8.30am because to cater for 30 kids, which you have now said the party actually was, does not take 2 people 5 or 6 hours to organise.
A huge BBQ however, which you originally described your 'event' as, probably does require 2 people and much more time. If your husband was equally involved in all the planning then he should have been equally involved in its execution and I can see why you'd be oissed off. If however you did most of the planning and he simply nodded (you did say in your original post
"I have been planning the party for weeks and have done absolutely everything for it!") then I think you're being unreasonable.

Pandemoniaa · 31/05/2011 00:16

I'm feeling tired just reading about the work necessary to put this party on! Note to yourself - in future don't organise anything you can't sort well nigh singlehanded.

worraliberty · 31/05/2011 00:24

FFS just book a Maccy Dee's party I'm sure the kids will love it just as much and you and your DH don't have to fall out over something as trivial as a party your kids will probably struggle to remember as adults Hmm

Or.....

Hoover the night before and stop your kids from 'making a huge mess in 20 seconds'...or perhaps stop exaggerating?

NonnoMum · 31/05/2011 00:32

Yep - think you need to calm down a bit and stop trying to be superwoman. Or, if you want to be superwoman, don't moan about it...

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 31/05/2011 08:28

I don't think any of you realise the work that is involved when you have 70 people coming to your house, if so you wouldn't think it could be done by one person in just over 3 hours at the same time as looking after 2 children!

OP posts:
FlubbaBubba · 31/05/2011 09:04

God how patronising are you?!

And it wasn't one person in just over 3 hours, it was you alone for 2 hours then you and your DH for over 3 hours!

What were you making that took so long? Maybe you need to learn to chop faster! :o

ScarletOHaHa · 31/05/2011 09:52

If take turns having a lie in and you had one on Sat then YABU. 8:30 isn't late but the faffing around getting ready would have annoyed me.
My OH would think it would think the food was a huge success if everyone got a burger each. I would think this pretty shabby. Sounds like you have different standards too.

cat64 · 31/05/2011 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DoMeDon · 31/05/2011 10:03

YAB a bit U - if it irked you so much you could have woken him/asked for help. Yes he is an autonomous adult but then it is unfair to be p'd off if he chooses to do it differently to how you want it done. If you want it your way, you should say so. I would have left the DC until he got up and just handed them over for him to deal. I would have said 'I need time to myself to eat brekkie & get ready, before you do as I've been up a while'. I would have said 'blah, blah and blah needs doing so stop fart arsing about with the rubbish'

Party sounds great though and at least you can take all the credit Smile

SwedishEdith · 31/05/2011 10:06

"Had to clear up after pets A LOT as one of the guests has pet hair induced asthma plus they walk in mud everywhere!" - thought it was outside? Of course at least one person is going to be allergic to pets if you invite SEVENTY of them! You do not need to/cannot cater for every single idiosyncrasy/allergy of every guest. Madness.

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 31/05/2011 10:25

So you think it's nice to have people over with pet hair and mud everywhere? Glad I don't come to your house.

OP posts:
SwedishEdith · 31/05/2011 10:30

Your lovin' this Grin

SwedishEdith · 31/05/2011 10:30

You're!

FlubbaBubba · 31/05/2011 10:58

lol swedishedith :o

OP how dirty was your house before the party? Shock Wink

Goofymum · 31/05/2011 22:23

Confused every time I come on to this thread you have added something, or changed details or exagerrated something else. It's mad. No wonder DH just let you get on with it. Time to just let it lie now me thinks.

TootTootLick · 01/06/2011 10:28

Well I don't suppose it's possible to put every little bit of info about any one situation in an OP.

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