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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So huge party, DH stays in bed!

161 replies

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 21:26

Had a huge BBQ (by huge I mean 70 people) at lunch time today. Special occassion so loads of decorations and entertainment to sort of for all the children that came too, games etc. I was making all the food so lots to do. I got up at 6.30 to get started on it all and DH says he wants his lay-in as normal. I couldn't believe it! I have been planning the party for weeks and have done absolutely everything for it! So I just left him to it as I had too much to do to be arguing!

So I got up and moved all the furniture around, blew up balloons, put decorations up (loads of them as it had a theme), vaccumed, got kids dressed and hair done and teeth brushed, gave them breakfast, started making the food etc all whilst looking after our children. My DH got up at 8.30 and made himself breakfast (I hadn't had time for any), sat down to eat it then went for a wash and to get dressed which was again something that I hadn't managed to do. He then cut the veggies and moved the garden furniture and put out some rubbish, so he did do some stuff but it seemed begrudging and a bit humpy. So was really behing schedule and didn't quite get everything done that needed to be but just about enough. Forgot a few bits of food and things and was really stressed. The whole time the guests were here I felt like I was playing catch up.

So I'm really pissed off! He knows this and said I should have got him up earlier and that he only wanted a little lay-in, not as long as he had but how was I supposed to know that! Feel really let down as we ususally do things as a team Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:56

What dessert thread? Sorry can't remember that!

OP posts:
Goofymum · 29/05/2011 22:56

It sounds as though you did this for the glory and for the 'that woman is a genius' comments. I thought that when you first posted and you've just confirmed it! (sorry, don't want to hit you when you're down....)

Maybe your DH shouldn't have let you go so far....

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:57

Goofymum I actually just wanted it to go well and was very anxious it wouldn't as have n experience of these things (hence how I ended up with 70!)

OP posts:
Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:58

Sorry laughing at "glory"! For a party!

OP posts:
Portofino · 29/05/2011 23:05

Blimey. I was dead pissed off for having to cater for 20 odd people yesterday when dh decided to invite his work colleagues for a champions league final party. I made a curry and bought extra beer and that was it. Op you are mad! 70 people is plainly ridiculous. You were showing off and your dh was letting you know that.

queenceleste · 29/05/2011 23:06

I thought you were going to say he spent the party in bed! That would have been a fabulous hump!

YANBU, but he is being fairly typical.

My dh has the look of a slowly dying martyr when we've got comp'ny a callin'.

Goofymum · 29/05/2011 23:06

But I've done it myself, taken on far too much because I wanted to impress, then I get stressed, realise that I can't do it all and get pissed off with my husband for not keeping up with my mad plans.

And you're laughing at "glory" for a 'party' but it was not just a party in my eyes, it was a "huge BBQ", as you've described in your OP.

Blethermouse · 29/05/2011 23:09

I think you got a bit carried away, and although it all went well you shouldn't have such big parties again for any reason because you haven't enjoyed it, you've found it very stressful.
well done though but don't ever repeat!

worraliberty · 29/05/2011 23:14

He got up 3 and a half hours before his kid's birthday party...really I don't see the big deal.

Sorry but you do sound like a martyr to me. Perhaps next time, you should sit down as a 'team' and discuss and decide everything as a 'team'

That way you may find he's more willing to work as a team instead of being railroaded into a 70 guest BBQ which is what it sounds like to me.

Pictish · 29/05/2011 23:22

Thank god someone said it....70 people??!!
I would never put myself through that.

cat64 · 29/05/2011 23:25

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ilovesooty · 29/05/2011 23:31

I don't blame him. You got carried away with something he didn't really buy into at the outset. 8.30am is hardly late to be getting up anyway.

bruxeur · 29/05/2011 23:36

Nut

bar.

humanoctopus · 29/05/2011 23:46

It really pisses me off that men blame us for not doing enough work with the lame excuse of 'you should have ..... blah blah blah'.

If it was a party in the family home, then he should have had an equal part in the preparations.

You are ADNBU. He is. Lazy bugger.

cat64 · 29/05/2011 23:51

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humanoctopus · 29/05/2011 23:54

cat64 who knows?!!

My issue would always be with one partner knowing the other is under pressure, and not chipping in, except in the way that inconveniences them the least.

cat64 · 30/05/2011 00:03

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humanoctopus · 30/05/2011 00:06

Oh never mind me!!

I just hate 'should've woke/called/told/asked/reminded me.....

Personal hatred!!!!

MmeLindor. · 30/05/2011 00:14

The OP didn't ask if she was being unreasonable in holding a party for 70 people.

She asked if it was unreasonable to expect her DH to get out of be and help with the prep.

And whether he was truly happy with the big party is also irrelevant. If he wasn't then he should have said so weeks ago instead of sulking on the day of the party.

Why should the OP have to nag him to get up? He is an adult and he knew that they were expecting guests at noon.

HeadfirstForHalos · 30/05/2011 00:20

YABU, 6.30am on a Sunday is the middle of the night Shock

Why plan something so chaotic, it doesn't sound much fun? I'm sure the kids would have prefferred your attention than you running about like a headless chicken.

HeadfirstForHalos · 30/05/2011 00:22

Oh yes, when I read the title, I too thought you meant he had stayed in bed during the party Grin

In that case I would have directed a few dozen guests into the bedroom.

bettydraperswardrobeelf · 30/05/2011 07:25

I am totally with you OP, a relationship is a partnership and I know from experience how hard it is to get ready for guests and look after DCs at the same time. Your DH should at least have got up with you to look after DCs while you got things ready - they're his kids too! I hate it when men are incapable of seeing what needs to be done and need constant instruction/reminders/nagging. (can you tell I have had a few issues of my own on this subject recently?!) I'd tell him you feel really let down and that even if he had objections to the party his way of showing it was really childish.

Also as someone who has a 6mo, 6:30 is pretty much a normal getting up time whatever day of the week it is.

claig · 30/05/2011 07:47

Well done OP for organising this great party. I think it sounds like he was a bit jealous and resentful. I think he saw how much you had put into it and thought that he was left out and resented it slightly.

claig · 30/05/2011 07:49

He was a bit like a sulky child. Not enough attention being paid to him, it wasn't his idea and he felt left out.

follyfoot · 30/05/2011 07:52

Jealous? He said he didnt want the party. Why would he be jealous?

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