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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So huge party, DH stays in bed!

161 replies

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 21:26

Had a huge BBQ (by huge I mean 70 people) at lunch time today. Special occassion so loads of decorations and entertainment to sort of for all the children that came too, games etc. I was making all the food so lots to do. I got up at 6.30 to get started on it all and DH says he wants his lay-in as normal. I couldn't believe it! I have been planning the party for weeks and have done absolutely everything for it! So I just left him to it as I had too much to do to be arguing!

So I got up and moved all the furniture around, blew up balloons, put decorations up (loads of them as it had a theme), vaccumed, got kids dressed and hair done and teeth brushed, gave them breakfast, started making the food etc all whilst looking after our children. My DH got up at 8.30 and made himself breakfast (I hadn't had time for any), sat down to eat it then went for a wash and to get dressed which was again something that I hadn't managed to do. He then cut the veggies and moved the garden furniture and put out some rubbish, so he did do some stuff but it seemed begrudging and a bit humpy. So was really behing schedule and didn't quite get everything done that needed to be but just about enough. Forgot a few bits of food and things and was really stressed. The whole time the guests were here I felt like I was playing catch up.

So I'm really pissed off! He knows this and said I should have got him up earlier and that he only wanted a little lay-in, not as long as he had but how was I supposed to know that! Feel really let down as we ususally do things as a team Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 10:48

Theyremybiscuits aah thanks!

Tryharder that's how I feel. I did most of the planning as I had more time but when it came closer to the day I expected him to pull his weight.

ilovesooty He did suggest stuff yes and helped make some decisions.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 10:52

colditz I don't think you've read any of my posts. It was a party for 30 odd kids (15 each for my children) but their parents had to come because they are young. No being up early making sandwiches might not press his buttons but it doesn't really press mine either . . . or is it that as the woman I have to do it while he gets to stay in bed! The party was a joint idea and it was a tiny theme (as I've already said), the theme was yellow (that's all so not a big deal) but it did mean the house was covered in yellow balloons and things.

Poor man eh. Has to actually help out with the practical side of a family do!

OP posts:
Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 10:54

I should add that the reason we needed to get up so early is that I was doing the decorations the night before and DH was being humpy about it and saying we should go to bed!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/05/2011 10:59

I understood you to say earlier that in terms of the size of the party you got a bit carried away and weren't sure how many would end up coming. It just sounded to me as though he hadn't really bought into the scale of the party and the sheer amount of work necessary until it was a fait accompli.

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 11:01

ilovesooty well it was mostly because quite a few people didn't rsvp so it was a bit of guess work on how many would turn up. Because of that I had to plan and cater for the most it could be (such a pain!)

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/05/2011 11:07

Yes, I can see how that could be difficult with a party on that scale, and I can honestly see both sides of this. Perhaps the important thing is that if you undertake this again you'll discuss beforehand what the expectations and implications for both of you are - unless you've done it once the two of you don't have that experience. It sounds as though you put a lot of work in and I hope everyone had a great time.

alistron1 · 30/05/2011 11:10

I'd love to have the energy/skills to throw a party of that size! Next time draw up a plan with DH so that the load is shared.

I bet your kids and family loved it though.

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 11:10

Thanks ilovesooty! It did go well but not sure i'd do it again. I'd feel like I was on my own!

OP posts:
Loshad · 30/05/2011 11:15

if it was a children's party then it wasn't really a party for 70, unless you were inviting and feeding all the adults - otherwise you had 30 kids to feed and a load of hangers on, the parents would not expect to fed at a kids party. you do need to be a a bit firmer about no extra siblings, double parents etc though if it is stressing you out on the numbers front.

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 11:18

Loshad Yes you are right that it wasn't actually a party for 70! Can you imagine! Just meant that that's how many I ended up with in my house. I didn't feed them but provided drinks and they ate some of the nibbles which I anticipated.

I know what you mean about siblings but the ones who brought them are single parents so no choice (i'm perhaps a bit soft!)

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DiscretionGuaranteed · 30/05/2011 11:24

Haven't read the whole thread, but feel that YABabitU - your DH clearly did do a fair amount of work on the Saturday and Sunday morning.
If the party was going to require you both to get up and start work at stupid-o-clock on a Sunday then the time to discuss that was Friday evening when planning the weekend, not by just saying "right, up we get" in the middle of the bloody night. Caveat, I am Not A Morning Person, and my view of what is reasonable is coloured accordingly.

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 16:03

DiscretionGuaranteed Well then you need to read the whole thread! My DH was involved in all the major decision making and some of the little decision making and was as responsible for the party as I was. For some reason the people on MN today seem to think that parties are the responsibility of the woman while the man gets to laze about in bed, get up, sit around drinking coffee (ignoring the woman running frantically doing everything at once) stroppily put out some rubbish and move a garden table and then his role is done! What the fuck happened to equality! If he didn't want to get up at stupid-o-clock he shouldn't have moaned abut doing any preparation the night before (and not wanting me to either) or he should have some weeks before suggested we make the party later in the day.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 30/05/2011 16:15

Who normally gets up with the kids on a Sunday?

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 16:16

We usually have one lay-in a weekend each but being a bank holiday we had one spare.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 30/05/2011 16:21

So when you lay in on a Sunday, what time does he get up?

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 16:23

It varies depending on the children and what we are doing that day. The children are often up at 6, sometimes 7.

OP posts:
Psammead · 30/05/2011 16:27

He got up and helped. You got up and got stuck in earlier. Your choice. If there was too much to do, you should have (both) done more over the last few days rather than relying on him being willing to get up so early.

Original poster
QuackQuackSqueak · 30/05/2011 16:30

Psammead Yeah you are right. Seeing as he's a man I should be grateful that he did anything at all!

OP posts:
Psammead · 30/05/2011 16:32

Thanks for the excellent and accurate precis of my post Hmm

You should have both done more on the run up to the party instead of rushing around frantically on the morning, feeling all resentful of each other.

bruxeur · 30/05/2011 16:33

Dick.

bruxeur · 30/05/2011 16:33

Not you Psammead.

worraliberty · 30/05/2011 16:37

I think you're just being silly now OP. It was quite clear that Psammead didn't even hint at that.

claig · 30/05/2011 16:39

Well, it seems that the consensus is that he should have had at least another couple of hours lie in.

2rebecca · 30/05/2011 16:40

I suspect most blokes just wouldn't do as much preparation, but it doesn't sound as though he had any input into how much preparation was involved. he either had to stay up late at night doing it or get up at crack of dawn to do it. all seems very OTT for a kids party to me. My kids often have birthday parties and I've never got up at 6.30 to do "preparations".
If the party is at my exes he does even less preparation than me, fine his house his choice and the kids seem happy enough with Tesco Pizzas.

claig · 30/05/2011 16:42

yes but this was party was better than that, and that's why everyone enjoyed it and appreciated the efforts made