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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So huge party, DH stays in bed!

161 replies

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 21:26

Had a huge BBQ (by huge I mean 70 people) at lunch time today. Special occassion so loads of decorations and entertainment to sort of for all the children that came too, games etc. I was making all the food so lots to do. I got up at 6.30 to get started on it all and DH says he wants his lay-in as normal. I couldn't believe it! I have been planning the party for weeks and have done absolutely everything for it! So I just left him to it as I had too much to do to be arguing!

So I got up and moved all the furniture around, blew up balloons, put decorations up (loads of them as it had a theme), vaccumed, got kids dressed and hair done and teeth brushed, gave them breakfast, started making the food etc all whilst looking after our children. My DH got up at 8.30 and made himself breakfast (I hadn't had time for any), sat down to eat it then went for a wash and to get dressed which was again something that I hadn't managed to do. He then cut the veggies and moved the garden furniture and put out some rubbish, so he did do some stuff but it seemed begrudging and a bit humpy. So was really behing schedule and didn't quite get everything done that needed to be but just about enough. Forgot a few bits of food and things and was really stressed. The whole time the guests were here I felt like I was playing catch up.

So I'm really pissed off! He knows this and said I should have got him up earlier and that he only wanted a little lay-in, not as long as he had but how was I supposed to know that! Feel really let down as we ususally do things as a team

OP posts:

ensure · 29/05/2011 21:48

I'm sorry your DH didn't help more in the morning, it must have made the day begin with stress you didn't need. Tell him he owes you a lie-in tomorrow! And breakfast in bed!

(I just got back from a big occasion barbecue party. If it was yours, we had a lovely time and the house was beautiful and the food was great!)

discobeaver · 29/05/2011 21:51

You say he "agreed" to this massive party, but I suspect hecrealy didn't want it and was just saying yes to keep the peace. Hence his reluctance to get up early.
70 people is nuts, to me anyway. 7 would be a mission.

redskyatnight · 29/05/2011 21:51

How we organise parties etc.

create list of things to do
allocate items on list between us (roughly) so that we have an idea of what we are meant to be doing and how long they will take
prioritise items and accept that some will not get done and we are meant to be enjoying this!!

Your OP does sound very martyr like - if you can get breakfast for your DC you can get some for yourself at the same time. DH (presumably) has to get dressed at some point, so straight after he gets up is as good as after he's spent an hour doing jobs ...

redexpat · 29/05/2011 21:52

YAB a little U. Did he know before this morning that you needed/expected help? You said you'd be planning it for weeks which sometimes translates to it being crystal clear in your head, but no one elses. I have to say if I was having a lunch party for that many I would get stuff ready (decorations, housework) the night before.

MrsCampbellBlack · 29/05/2011 21:53

70 guests for a children's party - thats the really unreasonable bit

I think your DH was ahem passively/aggressively (see I've learnt a lot from mn) that he was so not happy about this party.

fivegomadindorset · 29/05/2011 21:54

How old are your childern and how many were you haveing a joint party for?

said · 29/05/2011 21:57

Ha ha - you are insane 70 people! And, no, I think 8:30 on a Sunday morning is definitely still an early monring so YABU

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:01

There were so many because it's 2 children and they wanted to invite their friends from school and nursery and also family came. The children are young so parents stayed too, that's why it was so many!

We did some bits the night before and then had an early night as we knew there would be lots to do the next day and would have to be up early.

OP posts:

bibbitybobbityhat · 29/05/2011 22:02

Oh ROFFLE at children's party! My God, he probably thought you were being just slightly ott.

When I was 40 I had a joint birthday party with a friend and we invited about 100 between us.

DH and I only invited 120 to our wedding.

If that helps you put things in perspective.

fivegomadindorset · 29/05/2011 22:05

DD turned 5 in Januray she had 3 to her party as she did the year before. Sorry can't help feeling he only said yes to make you happy.

MrsCampbellBlack · 29/05/2011 22:05

Seriously quack - it all sounds like it got a bit out of hand and your DH was pissed off about it. Which ideally he should have said slightly earlier than an hour beforehand.

But really - don't do parties for that many again unless you love doing it - it was surely always going to be pretty stressful.

shineoncrazydiam0nd · 29/05/2011 22:09

You wouldn't have got me up at 6.30am on any day of the week for a kids party.

YABU.

TrillianAstra · 29/05/2011 22:09

Getting up at 8.30 is hardly "staying in bed".

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:11

It was sort of like this multi celebration thing. So there were children there for my dcs birthdays and they had to have their parents as they are very young so that doubles the number, and there was sort of another occassion (think house warming) so lots of family for that.

Yes it was huge and a bit OTT but was trying to combine things rather then do seperate celebrations.

OP posts:

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:14

Getting up at 8.30 is hardly "staying in bed

Lots of people have said that. But . . . if you are having huge amounts of people coming for a party and loads to do and one of you has to get up at the same time as the children anyway and will need all that time to get the work done, then shouldn't the other get up to either help or look after the children to get the work done?

OP posts:

FakePlasticTrees · 29/05/2011 22:15

70 for a childrens party is OTT - you are officially one of those mothers. Next year, the kids can invite 10 guests each and/or hold it in a church hall without a "theme" that requires lots of decoration.

Did your DH know about the 70 guests, the complex "theme", the getting up at 6:30am, the way you'd get overly stressed when he said yes to the party, or did he think a dozen kids, as many parents, low key event at home?

Don't do big events in the future, you're obviously not cut out for them, or if you insist, assume your DH won't be helping out.

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:20

I know the amount sounds huge but one of my children attends a school which has SN children (lots) and I didn't want any of those to be left out! I'm aware that they don't get invited to many parties and wanted to include them as did my ds.

(the theme wasn't that complicated! and we were saving money by not hiring a hall)

He did know abut the amount of people yes.

OP posts:

Goofymum · 29/05/2011 22:29

It doesn't sound as though your husband was bought into the idea in the first place and I don't know how you were expecting it to be enjoyable with that much to do before midday, even if you were both getting involved and had done loads the night before. Doing all the food, entertainment and decorations for 70 people yourself? Mad.

lechatnoir · 29/05/2011 22:39

I'm still wondering if you had the Saturday lie-in? If you did then YABU if you didn't then whilst I think you're being a bit OTT about the whole thing, your DH really should have got up early on this occasion.

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:40

Oh yeah it was totally mad! Can't disagree with that! Just couldn't bare the thought of the SN children being left out.

We did discuss it, of course we did! I did all the thinking and planning and getting stuff and then I would ask him what he thought about things along the way. The type of party wasn't easy as because of the type of SN in the school certain things and environments wouldn't have been suitable so it was easier to do it at home and plan the activities to one's that would be ok.

OP posts:

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:41

I didn't get a lay-in on Saturday as we had to go out but should have one tomorrow. I'm exhausted!

OP posts:

alistron1 · 29/05/2011 22:46

Was it a good party though?!

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:47

Just also wanted to add that although I know the party was insane that the insanity wasn't intentional and that I got in a bit above my head with so many people coming. Does though my getting in above my head mean that I should be abandoned to deal with it alone?! If my DH planned something that was beyond him I would have helped bail him out!

OP posts:

Original poster

QuackQuackSqueak · 29/05/2011 22:48

alistron1 - Everyone said it was brilliant! People think I am a genius! I think I am knackered.

OP posts:

MumblingRagDoll · 29/05/2011 22:54

Quack....I was on yur dessert thread...what did you go for in the end? go on...tell me it was my fruit salad idea??

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