To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

[sunshine76]

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

I couldn't have someone over if I hadnt tidied and cleaned up and I am far too bloody anal like that but I don't judge other people's houses really unless they are minting dirty!

Minging, not minting!

None of you have teenagers then? I cant see the floor in my sons rooms and i know they havent been hoovered for months. I dont go in.

I have riven and I have given up. The rest of the house is tidy but not their rooms. they do clean up occasionally.

Its taken me about three months to fumigate DS1's room since he moved out.

It was utterly disgusting. Everything was broken. It really smelt.

Its now all clean and fresh and I keep the washing in it

mudandmayhem - Yes kids do notice dirt and mess. I hated living in a really dirty house. I remember at 5/6 trying to clean the coffee table in the living roombecause I hated how dirty it was.

I don't think kids care about ordinary untidiness, but I do think it is different with serious messiness and dirt.

There seem to be a lot of 'my house is a tip but my children are happy and loved. People who clean have nothing else to do' posts...

It takes 2 bloody minutes to wash a cup-the same 2 mins you would spend boiling the kettle and fetching a clean cup for your next cuppa. It is hard to keep on top of housework with kids/jobs etc and it shouldn't be a part time job but some people really are just a bit lazy IMVHO. Also, surely the immaculately presented people who live in hovels must smell a tiny bit?

A genuine question.
Those of you who live in messy houses but do not work outside the home, do you not consider keeping the house clean and tidy as part of your " job"?

you are a wanker. I wish I had your life, I wish I had so little to worry about

Who are you talking to?

Greenstocking, my house isn't as messy as the OP's example but it's not show-home like either. No, I don't consider cleaning to be my 'job'. I am at home to take care of the children. A certain amount of tidying up and cleaning is obviously part of that i.e. helping tidy away toys, cleaning up after meals etc but I wouldn't spend the day doing housework if I was childminding my children - I spend the majority of the day playing with them in one form of another.

I actually DO manage to do a reasonable amount and, of course, it's more practical for me to do the majority of it as my husband isn't even in the house most of the week and I am. But I consider the housework to be an extra bit that I fit in if I can around the kids.

I have a friend like this - never stopped me going there or letting dd go there, but omg. Really life of grime time - their upstairs loo doesn't flush so they throw a bucket of water down everynight and morning to clear it.... for the last 5 years. The downstairs loo is opposite the front door and they leave the door wide open, there are skids and actual used dirty screwed up bits of loo roll on the floor behind the loo.......
The kitchen floor has rubbish all over it, we are talking an entire bread bag with 1 crust in it, or a marj tub lid type size. It's shocking
She always apologises and I say don't be silly......... so she does know..... but doesn't "have time!"

She does suffer with depression, I have offered to help but she says she can't do anything as her family hate to throw anything away .......

Now our dd's are at different schools so the friendship is kind of fading away.

Mrsdevere - im not saying you shoudlnt notice, but to post a judgy post on mnet about it, i wouldnt want friends like that.

ruby - it does bother me actually, maybe thats why im so defensive. Its been like it so long that i guess you just learn to live with it. I don't have the minging washing up everywhere (i have a dishwasher ) but i'm too lazy to load it til the next day, this doesnt bother me, as it is always done before the next lot of cooking. Its just the clutter and lack of storage and well, im a bit lazy innit. My DP and i are naturally untidy - i wouldnt describe my house as minging dirty, because the kitchen is clean (but untidy) but it is a pigsty.

Greenstocking - i am a SAHM at the moment and DD is at school, when im working, my house is waaaay more tidy than when im home, i just loathe housework and find it soul destroying when that is all i have to do to fill the time, when im working and i have say a couple of hours to blitz the place i find i do it quite happily. I am hoping to be working soon - the state of my house will improve.

I do have mental health issues just now but actually, i dont think it makes a jot of difference to the state of my house - its always been like it!

My sister's is the same. I can't go there now. I don't know why its so messy -we've all tried to help several times but it always goes the same way. I don't get it either - if you speak to my sister and her dh they are lovely normal people. Dsis has had the same upbringing as me - yet their house is a dirty pigsty.

I would just invite her to your house. Thats what I do.

Giggle, why can't you go there? have you issues with cleanliness - not everyone absolutely has to have a showhouse - im honestly perplexed by peoples attitudes. If i know i have people coming, i will blitz but if you pitch up unannounced, expect to have to shift a pile of books or washing to sit on the sofa .

This thread is reassuring. My flat is crowded (5 of us in two bedrooms) and i work full time, but compared to some it actually sounds reasonably clean! Clutter on the kitchen table is an ongoing battle, and front room littered with toys, but otherwise dishes are done (no dishwasher), kitchen surfaces clean and I TRY and keep the dust levels down.it's easier to keep on top of it than let it mount up until it becomes depressing.

I am not really judging 'her' by saying the house was a pigsty, it WAS a pigsty, that is stating a fact. I didn't start the thread to gloat and I have no intention of gossiping with friends in RL about it. I was curious to see if other people thought it was weird or if I was overreacting.

I suggest if you are feeling defensive after reading this thread that you get off Mumsnet and go and do the hoovering. Anyone who says they haven't got time but is a regular reader/poster on here is kidding themselves. Just admit you can't be bothered with housework and leave it at that.

Just stop judging me by saying I was judging - it is SO BORING.

I sort of see it as my job, Greenstocking . I work until noon on weekdays and will be off all summer whereas DH will be working 12 hour days. So yes, it falls to me and I see it as my job. If the situation were reversed I'd definitely see it as his. I refuse to pick up after him though; that isn't my job!

As I said, my house has always been messy but I'm getting it together. I feel better in a clean and comfortable house. It isn't a show home by any means, but it looks tidy. (At least ATM- two of DS' friends are on their way over so we'll see how long that lasts!)

I don't like doing housework, but it's just part of things, isn't it? You keep yourself, your children, and your home relatively tidy.

sunshine76, its 11pm love, i dont think i'll get the hoover out just now . I used to be a regular postor on here, but actually only reregistered yesterday after almost a year, probably to avoid doing the housework no doubt.

So your answer is, no, your friend isn't wierd because she doesn't meet your standards, - she just a messy cow

I was probably a bit caustic in my reply, bit uncalled for really, i apologise. Still think you should experience the liberation that is not loading the dishwasher until you can't find a clear space to make a sarnie

I always think nothing will shock me any more because I'm used to what mess some tenants leave behind, but then it always does. And what is interesting is that the dirtiest people will cause mess in such a short time. I've had far more mess from holiday lets than from tenants living in a place a year or more.

But the worst mess I have ever seen was when DP's brother and his wife moved into DP's parents house while they were abroad and their own new house was decorated. They had been there about 3 months when we visited. It was as the OP describes. There was a chicken carcass and congealed plates of food left in the kitchen which had clearly been there for many days. There were sandwich and buscuit packes on the floor where they had just been discarded when the contents had been finished. The carpets were covered in dirt which was being trod in, the sinks had never been cleaned and were covered in toothpaste and soap, etc, etc.. The roof had started leaking in the upstairs bathroom and they had put a bucket out which had long since overflowed and never checked it. There were used tampons spilling out of a bin. They didn't even have children at the time! It makes me feel slightly sick when I think about it.

DP's parents redecorated and bought new furniture when they returned from abroad!

My MIL & SIL's houses are like that & I will never, ever forget the shock I felt when I first visited my mil-to-be's house many years ago. She had a cement mixer in the middle of her kitchen and she was storing clothes in / on it - that was the merest tip of the iceberg! Her house is beyond chaotic and absolutely filthy, many, many animals everywhere pooing and pissing and most of it not cleaned up. It is disgusting and much as I love her I have to limit visiting her there. It was very awkward when dd was going through the crawling stage and I dreaded visits then (in fact didn't do many) she lives almost 2hrs away so it wasn't so apparent that we weren't calling round as much as if she lived round the corner. She does not have major mental health issues, she just does not like cleaning. It is such a depressing way to live imo. And when the youngest in the family (now 18) got to that age of wanting teenage friends over etc it was too embarassing and that was very sad.

Now what puzzles me more in a way is that SIL is going the same way - not so much with clutter but just pure filth. She & her dh built a fab brand new house - a dream house and I would honestly, truly say in the 5 or 6 yrs they are living there neither of them have EVER cleaned the toilet. It is beyond gross - dark brown and the room stinks. Her beautiful new kitchen is destroyed and dirty, the curtains are falling down in the sitting room etc. Her kids are older now, not toddlers, they are 10 & 7 so well old enough not to wreck a house imo.

She works, which is fine, but also has an attitude that cleaning is somehow beneath her, her time is FAR too important to waste cleaning a toilet. Her house is a tip.

And each time I go there, I am shocked. And I do judge them.

sorry but LMAO at the cement mixer in the kitchen, i live with a builder and there are tools in the hall but a cement mixer in the kitchen - WTF?????

I guess we all have our standards because i have to admit to reading some of these posts and thinking OMFG!!!

I know SunshineisSorry, it wass very strange indeed! Her partner is not a builder, but they must have been doing some work or something and it was just left there - could have been there for a year for all I know.

There were boxes of stuff everywhere too, if she was looking for something she would start rooting in various boxes. She would have to look in several cupboards for a cup if she was making tea as she never knew where you might find one. I really, honestly thought she had jsut moved in, and I asked bf (now dh) on the way home how long she was living there, I thought he was going to say 6mths or something but she said..'oh about 5years'....