To ask for examples of helicopter parenting

[lesley33]

I am amazed at how over protective some parents are. For example, my 14 year old nephew is not allowed to be outside without a supervising adult. He is desperate to join his friends who play football on some grass right outside his house, but his mum won't let him as she is worried about what could happen to him.

What are the worst examples of helicopter parenting that you have come across?

I used to work with a girl who's mum would ring her mobile every dinnertime.

Staff lunches could be between 11-30am and 1-30pm. We'd sit in the staffroom and her phone would ring and ring and ring until she came on her dinner and answered it.

Drove me fricking mental. When she answered it'd be "I'm just having my dinner.......Cheese sandwiches..........A banana.........Ok, I'll ring you when I leave"

Why?!!!

LeQueen and others - I do think you have a point about very helicoptery parents using their concern for their children to compensate for a lack of a good relationship and /or an anxiety disorder. Have seen this - people who let their children have lots of time off school with minor illnesses, have difficulty leaving them at playgroup/nursery because then they will have nothing to do with their time, and allow/encourage co-sleeping as an excuse not to share a bed with their DH

To ad to the above: All of which are also things which non-helicoptery parents do for good child-centred reasons.

I know a three year old who still has to eat her food in a high chair, being FED by her mum! (mainly because the mum doesn't like mess). the little girl is not interested in food (surprise surprise) and mum agonises a lot, trying to coax her into having another spoonful of lentil mash.

We went to eat out a few weeks ago, and the little girl took a chip of my plate and ate it. Mother wide eyed in shock saying: "I never give her chips! How does she know what it is? Why did she eat that?".

When they come to play, girl is never allowed a biscuit, only a bite of her mum's. Neither is she allowed pudding. And the mum and I don't get to talk much, as we constantly must interact with her DD, reading her stories, and doing things with her. she cannot play on her own, or with my Dss as they are boys, and considered "wild" . Mum must inspect all toys before her DD plays with them, as I have a fair few unsuitable toys such as water pistols (violence!), lego starwars figures (violence!) and light sabers (more violence).

She is a dear friend, but her PFB attitude borders on helicopter parenting! In the park, the mum goes down the slide with the little girl, or climbs on the frame with her. I think it's bonkers (if I take my kids to the park, I like to sit and read a news paper or chat , but quite a lot of parents actively play with their DC so maybe it's me that's wrong. I prefer to leave to kids to get on with it, and find little playmates for themselves)

Le Queen, DH had never even so much as made a cup of tea when he left for uni.
And MIL would take the train to his halls to do his laundry every fortnight . Dh hid to avoid her.
And yes, sadly, he now has as little to do with her as he can as she is super critical too.

My MIL is actually proud of the fact that he couldn't cook/clean/iron when he left home.

She was a single parent who refused to ever get a job because she needed to be , " there for him at all times".

Her weirdness extended to never letting him go to our have parties or activities or sports or holidays, or - anything, actually. Completely weird childhood and one which he does everything to ensure our kids don;t replicate.

Mine believes DH is where he is in life because if her.

If she only knew it was in spite of her

This is all making me feel better about my downright ignoring of DS. :o I'm very careful about some things (I don't like him to eat a lot of crap, though if we're at the movies or a party or something it's fine, and I don't let him watch TV shows or movies that I feel are made for adults or much older children) but TBH I don't play with him all that often. I read him lots of stories and am good for crafts and jigsaws, but I just don't do the whole playing thing much.

I was talking to a friend the other day who is on her way to be extremely PFB and I mentioned something about it being lovely that DS is old enough to play outside by himself now. (He's almost four, quiet neighborhood, fenced backyard, large windows so I can see him :) ) and she was aghast that he plays by himself . She just kept asking "but what does he play? Doesn't he get bored?!" I said he just plays with his trucks or runs around or, lately, brings the masking tape out and tapes twigs together to form sculptures. :) She was totally mystified that any kid could actually like their own company.

cheerfulyank I wonder whether, with all this over-involved parenting and ipad/nintendo etc constant entertainment, kids will be able to be as imaginative when they are older?

I'm sure long summer holidays filled with boredom meant that, as children, we were forced to rely on whatever we could find and our imaginations to create activities for our own entertainment. I am now a very independent person, live on my own, travel a lot on my own and am probably too happy with my own company...

I know!

Sigh...no matter how I say this, I'm going to come off as smug, so I might as well go for it: DS's teacher said he was unbelievably imaginative. And his daycare lady says all the kids like to play with him because he has good ideas for games.

Part of it I'm sure is just his natural personality, but I really think a lot of it is down to not having TV and, well, to being left to his own devices a lot of the time.

Right now he has busied himself constructing "fearsome weapons" from popsicle sticks and bobby pins for the last hour or so. My pacifist side is wincing, but hey...I'm getting the laundry done. :o

sounds very healthy, and not smug at all imo.

I was pony obsessed, and used to line all the family bikes up on the front lawn so they could "graze". I'd even cycle round the block wearing a riding hat and carrying a whip . The games could last for days

LeQ I could have written that last post myself! Just not as well as you.

Certainly never had the 'I'm bored' whining that I hear so often from other friends' DC - there's nothing that my older lot can't create with a sheet, sticks, stones and whatever else they found in the garden.

DS has some game console or other (no idea which one) but I don't remember the last time he played on it. He's almost 15 and still much prefers being outside and just arsing around up trees or playing sport.

DD3 is just 2 and will play for hours in the garden/pool. She's been outside making 'cups of tea' for her toys for the past 5 hours. I expect her to pop in for some supper soon enough and then she'll be back out there again.

At the soft play centre I would far rather sit and watch while she has FUN. It's a soft play centre for a reason - they can charge about and injuries are minimal. They learn balance and coordination and we can read the paper in peace

Even at the park DD3 is a whizz on things because I've let her be from the second she could negotiate the frames. IMO they can break their legs/arms whatever walking down the street (DD2), jumping in the pool (DD1, twice) just as easily as falling off a climbing frame or tree (DD2, again).

My ex Step Daughter is impossibly spoilt in so many ways - almost 18 and is unable to even cook pasta. Has no idea where or what a washing machine does and washing up involves precisely nothing . Her father drives her to school every day (7 minute walk) and if he can't he will order a taxi. The buss stops outside school and a 2 minute walk from the house . My DD3 (her half sister) is actually more capable at basic household chores at 2.

And yes to that LeQueen aswell!

I facilitate and referee. I do not play.

I've mentioned my cousin here before, and I would suspect that Chandon knew her, other than the fact I'm fairly sure she has no "dear" adult friends, only people she knows from PTA/other child-related activities.

I try to avoid her for a few reasons, but I last saw her at a family get-together at my aunt's last year. Her children are big - 12 and 9 then. Tiny Clanger spent most of the afternoon petting DAunt's guinea pigs and rabbits, and wandering in the garden with her other, younger cousin, as well as chatting with her DGreatAunt. These children had had activities brought with them by mum: a portable DVD player and some games, which she spent most of the afternoon playing with her DS. It was weird to watch. They wouldn't go near the pets outdoors, or explore the "wood", which is a clump of trees at the bottom of the garden.

Our friends son is only 4 years old but they seem off to a fine helicoptering start:

-They bring special organic food with them to every occasion and outing. He can't eat anything on offer. Everything in his world has to be special and organic.

-They did Elimination Communication with their son...but I have to believe not correctly because this was their life from the day he was born:
a) they ask him non-stop if he has to wee - every two freaking seconds
b) unsure if he has to wee they take him to the bathroom every few minutes to hover him over the toilet.
c) failing that they will hover him outside by the car while he pees because he never really did have to go the 10 times they took him while we were in the restaurant.
d) they were spending so much time hovering him over the toilet they moved a chair for themselves into their bathroom
e) they have never (ever) had a babysitter because what babysitter on earth would agree to sit in the bathroom all night?

-They hover in a very real sense. At a BBQ with other kids playing the backyard...that ones mum is the only one pushing her child on the tiny swing set, catching him when he goes down the tiny slide and generally directing him every second of the visit.

They have decided not to have another because their son is so "high needs" - that and the toll its taken on their marriage.

I have never seen two well educated, nice people make parenting look SO un-fun.

I teach at a 6th form, and once, one Helicopter parent brought her son up to my class on the first day of term to check that he had gone to the right class and to ask me what time the lesson finished and she should come to pick him up. I wouldn't have minded so much but the boy in question was 19 years old and in his 3rd year at college!