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Original poster

To ask for examples of helicopter parenting

236 replies

lesley33 · 27/05/2011 15:25

I am amazed at how over protective some parents are. For example, my 14 year old nephew is not allowed to be outside without a supervising adult. He is desperate to join his friends who play football on some grass right outside his house, but his mum won't let him as she is worried about what could happen to him.

What are the worst examples of helicopter parenting that you have come across?

OP posts:
libelulle · 27/05/2011 20:27

I 'helicopter', or look like I do, because if I don't follow my 3 yo DD around at the park, more often than not she would just sit on my lap and refuse to go on any of the equipment. She's getting better these days, so sometimes I can sit and gossip instead--, which is great for both of us, but it's been a long hard slog to persuade her to spread her wings a bit.

I do wonder how many of these so called helicopter parents actually have very shy, sensitive kids who just won't go off alone. I'd love it if my child headed off to play with her friends without a backward glance, but at the moment, that isn't the way she rolls!

Original poster
lesley33 · 27/05/2011 20:39

When i talked about helicopter parenting I didn't mean parents who hover over pres schoolers to stop them biting or making kids do homework. I mean't parents who are ridiculously over protective. Like the 9 year old mentioned her who can't feed ducks because of the risk of bird flu!

OP posts:
lettinggo · 27/05/2011 20:45

My neighbour used to call my ds "The Readybrek Kid" (the ad with the mother with a cild of about 8 in a bablysling) Blush

I've learned to let go (ish)

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/05/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/05/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lostinwales · 27/05/2011 20:48

I once know a girl who was buying her first house with her DH off plan and it was being built for them, she was pregnant and her parents phoned the office on the site nearly every week to make sure it was ready in time for her and the the baby to come home to. I She was 25 at the time. Blush

northerngirl41 · 27/05/2011 20:48

Helping my cousin with her 5 year old's birthday party - I was delegated the job of party bags.

Now to me that means: cake, a balloon, a pencil, some sweeties, maybe some kind of plastic toy...
Every single one of these items got vetoed!

Cake/sweeties = unhealthy
balloon/toy = choking hazard
pencils = not green enough

They ended up with some stickers and carob coated raisons - bleurgh!

LeQueen · 27/05/2011 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 27/05/2011 20:58

The message is very often 'something dreadful will happen if you are not glued to mum' but I think that generally the DC goes mad when they finally shake mum off! I think it is a sure way to raise an irresponsible DC who will go off the rails.

Smokedsalmonbagel · 27/05/2011 21:01

Hope to disagree LeQueen.

I have a very shy 4 year old who likes me to be with him.

If we are out for a family day he will happily disappear and explore. Not always good disappearing!!! But if we are with a big group of children he likes me close by.

Hope its not my own fault!!!

cantspel · 27/05/2011 21:04

I knew a mum who used to take detol wipes to toddler group and only let her dc play with a toy once it had been wiped over.

carabos · 27/05/2011 21:06

In the case of my colleaague, I think its more about her need to be needed. She always uses the word when she's talking about her DCs. They don't seem to have a lot of fun, everything they do together as a family is about "need". She's worringly unaware that most of the parents around her do things very differently.

Original poster
lesley33 · 27/05/2011 22:28

stewie - thats hilarious - poor student.

OP posts:
WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 27/05/2011 22:37

I see a lot of HPs at our park. We have woodchip stuff under the big slide (which incidentally is brilliant - DD fell 8ft onto it and was fine!) and I am Shock at the amount of parents who won't let their DCs on it because they'll get dirty! FFS!

Claracatacus · 27/05/2011 22:48

A laugh for you b3ta.com/questions/helicopterparents/

Be warned some of the stories on there are a bit rude, one or two are quite sad, but the rest are pretty damn funny

peppapighastakenovermylife · 27/05/2011 23:00

Stewie - We have had the same thing. The police turned up to question me as to whether she had been in my lecture or not...she had been off with her new boyfriend and avoiding her mothers repeated calls...

Do you work with me or is this just common Grin

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/05/2011 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tambern · 27/05/2011 23:06

I read your link Clara and this one made me really laugh b3ta.com/questions/helicopterparents/post521035

MonkeyTastic · 27/05/2011 23:17

About a year ago at work (uni) i was told by a member of staff working in the accommodation dept about a first year 2 weeks into term BEGGING them to make his mum go home. She'd been sleeping on the floor of his HoR room since he'd moved in. Accommodation had to make up a "rule" about maximum occupancy per room/corridor before she'd leave.

JoniRules · 27/05/2011 23:33

There is this mum at the nursery where I am. I dareb't go on another playdate with them as my DS is quite boisterous and the mum is really sensitive about her son. She doesn't let him have any rough and tumble. She shadows him when he's on the climbing frame, following everywhere (he's 4) with outstretched arms ready to catch him.
This mum has organised activities for every single day of the week.

libelulle · 27/05/2011 23:46

Lequeen I hope you take the blame for all of your childrens' character quirks too?

If I am teaching my dd that the world is a scary place and therefore somehow 'making' her shy, isn't it slightly odd that her brother is an outgoing, easygoing little fellow who wouldn't be phased by a growling tiger were one to leap in the window?

Now, is the world a scary place, or isn't it? Oh, I do feel confused.

allegrageller · 27/05/2011 23:55

I have managed some visit days at my university and NOT ONE prospective student turned up alone. Most were with BOTH parents.

My parents wouldn't have dreamed of coming to mine. However, I think it's partly to do with the increased cost now. This is their investment in their 'child' (who's not a child).

I have had some appalling parents at visit days. Sitting either side of the prospective student and asking alternate detailed questions while their son/daughter sat staring into the middle distance!

I have to say that the posher the candidate, the more likely it is the parents will be like this.

hogsback · 28/05/2011 00:11

I interview and hire recent graduates (huge US-based multinational) and you would not believe the number of parents who call us to chase up their precious darlings' applications. I tell them to piss off cite the Data Protection Act at them and usually email the candidate to let them know - they are always absolutely mortified and I hope the parents get a right earful off their wee darlings.

I can't even begin to understand the mindset of someone who would actually think this would be a good thing to do.

hogsback · 28/05/2011 00:14

allegrageller insane isn't it? When I went on uni visits and interviews in the late 80s, I don't recall seeing a single parent accompanying prospective students. We would have found it deeply embarrassing. It would have been as if we were children, not the young adults we saw ourselves as (and were.)

VforViennetta · 28/05/2011 00:16

Oh god my sister is a prime example, they came to stay when I had just had my ds2. She would cuddle her dd to sleep on the sofa and then transfer her to the bed (she was 9).

I had a conversation about dogs with her, she wanted to get a dog, but remarked that when her dd got pregnant she would immediately get rid of said dog .

Her dd is very into dancing, the outfits she wears and the amount of make-up present makes me sick, spray tans are de rigeur. I can't even look at the photos on fb they freak me out.

She very much lives her life trough her dd.

They actually walked 10 paces in front of my sorry brood, just incase people they don't know may judge them on the terrible state of my poor dc's un-ironed clothes. My sister is so superficial it's unreal, funny how relationships never last for her, can't imagine why Hmm.