How old should little boys be when they use the men's room instead of the Ladies' room with Mum?

[missinglalaland]

I only have two girls, so I don't know the ins and outs of parenting boys. Sometimes I am surprised at the height and age of boys being steered into the "ladies" room by their mothers. Often with Fathers waiting outside!!! (Lazy gits.) I am thinking that in a place like a train station you should expect to see mum's being fairly protective, but I get a bit annoyed in places like National Trust toilets, when the boys seem embarrassed/interested.

What's the proper etiquette?

Would it really matter if a disabled person had to wait a couple of min for the loo like everyone else?
What if there was another disabled person in the loo, surely they would have to wait then?

Oh thank God Wantingonemore. I had the same question but was torturing myself with how to ask it without appearing inflammatory (I'm not being). I really just don't get it either.

I don't mind dd waiting for a disabled person, but for a boy who could use the gents(my post was aimed at that) and has no sn, yet his mummy would rather he uses a disabled facility than the gents, I would mind, dd can only use the disabled toilets, she has no such choice. bet that boy will grow up lovely

I agree. There are plenty of people with continence problems (including the very young) who might need a loo urgently without having a formal disability. Also, mums with a couple of young children need the space of a larger loo, and those with youngish children of the opposite sex (not that I mind boys in the ladies but I get that it might bother some). I think large cubicles should be available to anyone who has a special need. That would also solve the OPs question too.

Because some disabilities make it more difficult to wait for the loo. And the loos are specifically for people with disabilities. And being tied to the apron strings of a helicopter parent is not a disability.

Maybe we should just have uni-sex toilets with cubicles

Some disabled people cannot wait a few minutes to use the toilet. If the toilet is been used by another disabled person that is unfortunate but both have an equal right to use the disabled. However, an able bodied person (by this I mean no disabilities at all) does not have the same right to use a disabled toilet.

DS2 is 8. He gets easily distracted. Morrisons does not allow children to go into the toilet's alone but bearing in mind some of the things I've read on here about people feeling threatened by boys in women's toilets, I stood outside and waited for him the other day. He took ages. Eventually I went and found a cleaner (male) who found him in the toilet in a right two and eight because he couldn't flush the loo

He has seen me naked, he has seen my on the loo. He isn't interested as yet in women's bodies. But age 8 seems to be seen as a cut off age when little boys turn into sexual predators.

I live abroad and here the disabled toilets are marked for both disabled and small children - it is commonly understood this is under 5's and I struggle to recall ever seeing anyone older than that or a person on their own using them - a grown woman going in to avoid a queue would be pretty harshly spoken to by anyone stood near by.

After that its pretty much assumed they will go into their own sex toilets - BS is 4 turning 5 in September and he has started going in to some by himself. Frankly if he didn't come out after a couple of minutes I'd just barge in with a loud "excuse me!"
I simply can't imagine still taking him at some of the ages mentioned here - to those where they are 7 ot 8 plus, I wonder what age your DH's still went with their Mums and when this older age became a norm?

I totally agree Scroobious. My mother has serious continence problems but is not disabled. She will often use the disabled loo as she would prefer not to wet herself. Im sure you would 'get a mouth full' back off her HRH.

How does it make a difference waiting for someone disabled, someone with continence problems, someone with sn or a little boy?

I still take DS 1&2 (7 & 5). At Morrisons (where we regularly have dinner) I will let DS1 go alone, but he gets instructed to use the family loo (kids loo / changing unit). He takes seconds to wee, so doesn't inconvenience a waiting parent needing to change a nappy. If that's busy, he'll come back & I take him to the ladies (which means gathering up bags, coats & DS2 and asking someone to stop out table being cleared). Any other time I'd take them to the ladies!

Oh don;t be stupid. Nobody is saying that boys become sexual predatros at 8.

We are saying that they become beings who might well be embarrassed at going into a women's loo. Who deserve a little independence and respect.

How can you have dinner in a supermarket?

But what if they aren't embarrassed?

'Would it really matter if a disabled person had to wait a couple of min for the loo like everyone else?

clarify really matter?

DS1 if likely to lose control fo his bladder (urge incontinence though improving thankfully) would possibly deck me one; ds3 would just wet.

I guess it's down to indivisual empathy levels whetehr that matters.

Another disabled person is dierfent: it's about choice however if room is labelled mother & baby, family etc that's absolutely fair. And I would never mind a dad with a dd in aldies or whatever- can't really can I?

Also iw ould never say anything. becuase just as the boys ahve invisible SN so could anyone using a disabled toiloet: I extend trust to people. Whetehr that is taken advantage of or thrown in our faces is down to individual conscience.

I think it is about being age appropriate with your children - nothing to do with 8 year olds being sexual predators.

When parents won't let a child do something at an age where it should be routine to do this, it is embarrassing for the child and often humiliating and if their class mates find out could lead to bullying.

I don't think taking boys of 10 and 11 into the ladies is age appropriate.

Why the Chaos? I don't get why loos are divided by sex. Obviously unisex cubicles would need more privacy (walled to ceiling and floor) but is that really so crazy?

It also depends on the child. SOme are more competent and independent than others.

Ormirian - I would be worried if they aren't embarassed, they should be. If they aren't embarassed this suggest they are really tied to their mother's apron.

You go into the cafe

If you say so

Oh and when taling about disabled toilets on MN it is widely agreed that disabled is not as in claiming DLA etc but someone who ahs continence or toehrs issues that necesittae use of a speicalist loo.

IBS- tick; about to throw up with hyperemesis? tick; urge incontinence or has a bag to empty? of course.

Actually there is no deficition of disabled in reality; it avries with the circumstance. As indeed it should.

The whole disbaled thing can be offputting I now; when I had SPD (SPD- tick) people had to shout at me to make me use the disabled lift at uni becuase I had it black and white in my head that I was not disabled. It just is not like that, not really. And it can't be can it? After all chidlren and adults don;t become magically changed in their needs the day after they get a diagnosis- you are either in need, or not.

They won't be competent and independent though if they never get to do anything without a parent hovering over them all of the time.

I much prefer single sex loos. IME mixed loos tend to be more likely to have pee on the toilet seat and floor.

And yes ds1 HATES using a ladies loo a,d would be one of the reasons why I would be hesitant to take him out alone now, somewhat sadly. I did get kncoked out for trying to get him in a ladies loo in Tesco.