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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How old should little boys be when they use the men's room instead of the Ladies' room with Mum?

321 replies

missinglalaland · 26/05/2011 17:50

I only have two girls, so I don't know the ins and outs of parenting boys. Sometimes I am surprised at the height and age of boys being steered into the "ladies" room by their mothers. Often with Fathers waiting outside!!! (Lazy gits.) I am thinking that in a place like a train station you should expect to see mum's being fairly protective, but I get a bit annoyed in places like National Trust toilets, when the boys seem embarrassed/interested.

What's the proper etiquette?

OP posts:
Chandon · 27/05/2011 09:28

I started sending them to the men's when they were 6. They didn't WANT to go into the ladies anyway at that age.

themildmanneredjanitor · 27/05/2011 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 27/05/2011 09:28

Exactly cory - by 10 isn't it a bit babyish to have to be escorted to the loo by your mum?

seeker · 27/05/2011 09:29

My ds would refuse too. And if for some reason he didn't and was spotted by any of his little friends, his life would be hell.

Microscopically, vanishingly small risk of being flashed at v. certain social suicide if spotted.

No contest!

beatofthedrum · 27/05/2011 09:29

My ds is five months old so am prob not the most qualified person to comment!! This thread has spooked me a bit for the future, had not thought of it up till now!

seeker · 27/05/2011 09:30

Tmmj - that is a seriously awful case. But why let a hideous one off affect the way you live your life?

cantspel · 27/05/2011 09:35

can i ask the parent who still take their 10 and 11 year olds into the ladies when they are going to allow them to go into a public loo on their own?

lesley33 · 27/05/2011 09:36

To those who still take 10 and 11 year olds to the loo - doesn't your DS object? Have they been bullied about it if friends/class mates have seen them being taken into the ladies by their mum?

It is a serious question as I don't understand why DS of this age would happily go into the ladies. I would have had no chance getting my DS into the ladies at this age.

boysrock · 27/05/2011 09:36

Depends on the location and toilets themselves. If everything is fine rhen they go in bu themselves at age 5 and 7. if dh isnt there and im not happy they go with me and will do until im confident they will be ok. Although I suspect 10 would be the absolute cut off.

I have to ask what the issue with nt toilets are though? Iv used a fair few and never noticed naked ladies on display.

And whats with mothers of girls frequently querying what age boys go into female toilets? Havent noticed any teenage lads in there recently either?

yoshiLunk · 27/05/2011 09:48

My DS is 6 and I would not send him into the gents toilet alone - no way. Like someone said upthread - what if they don't come out in 5 mins? you have to send some random bloke in to get him out?

When I'm out with DH I still take him with me because DH says the gents toilets are too disgusting - I do wonder why so many gents loos are dirty, I suspect it's his way of getting out of toilet duty Hmm

That's the other point though, not only what might happen to him in there alone, but you can't check out the state of the loos can you?

Until DS is grossed out by other people's mess then he'll be coming with me to the loo.

I would add that if I saw a child of 10 or more being accompanied to the loo I would briefly wonder.... but each to their own it certainly wouldn't bother me.

MrSpoc · 27/05/2011 10:11

Wow taking lads on the crust of puberty into the ladies. I would of died of embarrasement at aged 10/11.

The only dirty mens loos I come across are in parks, city centre loo's, pubs. the others like McDonalds, Restauraunts, Tesco, M&S are always clean.

Nothing is going to happen to your precious darlings. Give them some freedom and let them breath. (My son is 3 and already wants to go on his own).

yoshiLunk · 27/05/2011 10:40

Nothing is going to happen to your precious darlings

If you can feel so sure of that, good for you, i'll stick to my instincts of what I think is safe (and hygienic) though, they've never let me down yet. Wink

seeker · 27/05/2011 10:44

I can understand not wanting a small child to use the gents in a grotty service station or something like that. But presumably they are perfectly clean in most restaurants and shopping centres and places like that?

yoshiLunk · 27/05/2011 10:53

I honestly don't think I have ever been into a public toilet and thought it was "perfectly clean" Confused

Ah, with the exception of the service station toilets in Germany, everything is sensor activated and the toilet seat was self cleaning!

boysrock · 27/05/2011 10:55

Ds who is 5 nearly 6 is verrically challenged so cant reach urinals ~ fine when he is with dh but Im not sure that I want him messing about finding cubicles unaccompanied.

ScroobiousPip · 27/05/2011 10:58

I don't really get why service stations etc provide mens and womens loos? Why not just have individual unisex/disabled/family-friendly loos? Then no one has to use a communal area.

hiddenhome · 27/05/2011 11:01

I have a 12 year old ds who's frightened of public toilets and can't pee in front of other men, so I have to take him into the disabled Blush

I wouldn't be embarrassed if older boys were in the ladies loos. It's not as though you're peeing in front of them, or perhaps it's just because I'm used to boys constantly pestering me when I'm in the bathroom at home.

Oblomov · 27/05/2011 11:03

Yoshi asks 'what if they don't come out in 5 minutes' ? Erm. I would never leave it that long. Takes my ds literally seconds, to wee and wash his hands. Couple of minutes max. I would not leave him as longs as 5 minutes.
So that awful McDonalds story. Paed raped the older boy (7)and sexually assaulted the 4 yr old , correct ? How long were they in the toilets for then ? It must have been quite a few minutes.
Longer than I would leave ds1 in a toilet for.

NotaMopsa · 27/05/2011 11:05

Trillian I am assuming you are female and therefore missing the point here....

yoshiLunk · 27/05/2011 11:07

This thread has done nothing to persuade me that it's ok to let DS go to the gents.

seeker · 27/05/2011 11:15

"This thread has done nothing to persuade me that it's ok to let DS go to the gents."

It's equally done nothing to persuade me that it isn't!

"I wouldn't be embarrassed if older boys were in the ladies loos. It's not as though you're peeing in front of them, or perhaps it's just because I'm used to boys constantly pestering me when I'm in the bathroom at home."

You wouldn't be embarrassed - but a 10 year old girl - and the older boys concerned - would be!

HRHShoesytwoesy · 27/05/2011 11:19

good grief so people send their kids into the disabled toilets(i presume they don't mean the ones with changing tables in them) wow if I met someone doing that and they held dd up(disabled) they would get a mouth full from me.

TheHumanCatapult · 27/05/2011 11:39

peachy

I always give anyone benfit of doubt because am all to aware about invisable disablites. ds2 has crohns and really can not wait if he needs to go but no one would know to look at him. .

CJMommy · 27/05/2011 11:43

I have a 3 yo DS and a 5 month old. If DS needs the loo when we're out on our own, I will often go in disabled if I can't get the buggy in the toilet cubicle-saying that, most of them have the baby change facilities in there too. I would actually go into the men's with DS if it was an emergency-a toilet is a toilet after all. My local swim pool has communal changing with lots of cubicles and that has never been a problem.

ScroobiousPip · 27/05/2011 11:43

Well where I live disabled loos aren't generally specific to people with disabilities. Loos are mostly individual cubicles suitable for disabled people and also with nappy changing facilities/toddler seat etc. I prefer this system because it avoids the one-upmanship about whose needs are more important.

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