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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How old should little boys be when they use the men's room instead of the Ladies' room with Mum?

321 replies

missinglalaland · 26/05/2011 17:50

I only have two girls, so I don't know the ins and outs of parenting boys. Sometimes I am surprised at the height and age of boys being steered into the "ladies" room by their mothers. Often with Fathers waiting outside!!! (Lazy gits.) I am thinking that in a place like a train station you should expect to see mum's being fairly protective, but I get a bit annoyed in places like National Trust toilets, when the boys seem embarrassed/interested.

What's the proper etiquette?

OP posts:
NotaMopsa · 26/05/2011 21:18

awful post op

'interested' don't be ignorant

NotaMopsa · 26/05/2011 21:21

lala why would an 8 year old boy affect your 'comfort and privacy' Hmm?

and Biscuit sorry i dropped it on the loo floor

Pixel · 26/05/2011 21:27

I took ds aged 11 in the ladies with me the other day. The disabled loo was in use (hopefully by a disabled person but one never knows) and he couldn't wait as he's got ASD related bowel problems. So what? As others have said, he's not going to see anything apart from a bit of hand-washing and lippy-applying.

Any women in there could think themselves lucky, at home he doesn't even shut the door. Grin

strandedbear · 26/05/2011 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohokthen · 26/05/2011 21:33

ds 11 goes alone, and has done for a few years now. Normally he goes, and I go to ladies. He has strict instructions to hurry up not talk to anyone, wash his hands. He dont bloody listen though.

But I have got (unreasonable or not)a bit panicky, And rush to get back out. So I can make sure he is out and ok.

And he isnt there, and I have to start shouting through the doors, his name. And start twitching like a demented women. And then try a pick a normal looking bloke to go in and shout him to make sure he is ok.

In fact it was only in feb, that I did this. But only cause I had me mam with me, who starting acting more demented than me.

MoreBeta · 26/05/2011 21:39

ohokthen - I am sure my DW would have written your exact words about our DS1 who is also 11. Especially, "He has strict instructions to hurry up not talk to anyone, wash his hands. He dont bloody listen though."

You are not demented.

annapolly · 26/05/2011 22:07

My DS is 10 and I still take him into the toilet with me. If I have a male with me, friend or family, they take him.

The unfortunate attack on a child in Macdonalds happened at a town not far from me. There is a bale hostel for sex offenders near there.

I can't see why any women would object to a boy being in the ladies toilet, as the cubicles are private.

Oblomov · 26/05/2011 22:30

Aged 5 . And before you all scoff, he wanted to really badly. And many times it is not appropriate, but may times it is. Like we were in a restaurant and there was no one else around. no one in the ladies or the mens. so I let him go to the mens on his own. I stood outside. He came back all proud. Loves it. Makes him feel mature.
But there are many many places, still at 7, that I wouldn't dream of letting him go, so he comes in with me.

abedelia · 26/05/2011 22:42

As Oblomov... then again, we went to a (National Trust) place t'other weekend. Ds (now 7) was bursting for the loo and went in the mens. Three minutes later her comes out still bursting saying he couldn't go... because he didn't like the loos where you all go together. Shy bladder, poor lad. We ended up in the ladies anyway.

JackyJax · 27/05/2011 03:39

Age 21 I think: that seems reasonable to me or is that being a tad overprotective......

kw1986 · 27/05/2011 05:35

I don't see the big deal with boys in the ladies toilet. They don't see anything so I don't imagine women would be uncomfortable with that. I know I certainly don't have a problem when I see boys of 8,9, 10 in the toilets.

So I would say take them in the ladies until you are comfortable they are mature enough to get in and get out on their own.

itisnearlysummer · 27/05/2011 05:49

I don't have a problem with boys in the ladies toilet - apart from the fact it makes the queues for them even bigger! Not really a problem. My DS went into some men's toilets alone from 8.

In an emergency/huge queue situation I have been known to use the men's toilets and I'm not surprised parents don't want to send their sons into most of them alone!

Morloth · 27/05/2011 05:49

DS1 is almost 7, I just make the call in a case by case basis really, obviously if DH is there he takes him in.

When he goes into the men's he gets about 3 mins before I yell in/ask a man on the way in to give him a shove.

If I have to change the baby and am in a disabled loo, I make him go then as well.

seeker · 27/05/2011 06:03

Well, my dd would have been mortified if the had bumped into a boy from her class in the ladies loo when she was 10. And so would the boy have been.

Even 8 is a bit old - I would probably say 7 is the cut off.

And I do hate thsi "oh, I heard froma friend that something a bit dodgy happened in a public loo in Basingstoke 3 years ago, so it's obviously not safe"

seeker · 27/05/2011 06:08

Sorry - I realize that the ghastly McDonalds story is true.

beatofthedrum · 27/05/2011 09:03

Sounds like the perspective changes whether you have a ds or dd!! I wouldn't risk anything happening to my ds to save someone else's dd 'embarrassment'...

lesley33 · 27/05/2011 09:05

I am a bit shocked for someone still to be taking an 11 year old boy into the ladies!

seeker · 27/05/2011 09:15

I have one of each. I am not 'putting my ds at risk" by letting him go to the loo on his own. I am behaving like a sensible non-paranoid person.

As soon as he was able to manage going to the loo on his own and wanted to he went on his own.

cantspel · 27/05/2011 09:20

Do people really think that an 10 or 11 year old needs protecting in a public loo? How do they cope in school and i assume they are never allowed out to play with friends either. Do you live in really bad areas or something?

Mine were more than capable of going in the gents for a wee on their own at 6 (and yes my oldest is sen). I would hover outside the door and i would have no problem going in if i heard them call out or thought they were taking too long.

lesley33 · 27/05/2011 09:20

I have both boys and girls and whether the boys went to the mens toilet on their own did depend on location. But I really doubt that my boys would have even agreed to go in a ladies at 10 or 11 years of age.

Glitterknickaz · 27/05/2011 09:21

Due to my kids' SN they use the disabled with me, since getting funny looks in the ladies. DS1 is only 7 but he's big for his age so it's best we got the RADAR key as there's no way I want him alone in the gents. Plus he's hand dryer phobic.

cory · 27/05/2011 09:22

7 or 8 I suppose was the cut-off line for us. By the time I felt ds could manage urinals/dirty loos (the ladies are often cleaner) etc without getting himself into a mess.

seeker · 27/05/2011 09:22

"Do people really think that an 10 or 11 year old needs protecting in a public loo?"

Paranoid Daily Mail readers do.

cory · 27/05/2011 09:23

otoh I probably wouldn't have a fit of the vapours if I came into the ladies and spotted somebody else's 10yo in there. Though I can't imagine it would do a lot for their street cred. Ds would certainly refuse to go in.

TrillianAstra · 27/05/2011 09:27

Aged 11 I was allowed to go shopping around town on my own - if I had wanted to go to the loo I would have gone to a public loo on my own. No parents outside the door.

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