to think that DD is promiscuous and unreasonable?

[dangerousdebbie1]

DD, been going out with boyfriend for six weeks. She only turned 17 nine days ago. DD met her boyfriend at a guiding / scouting convention and they hit it off. Unfortunately, he lives 81 miles away in Nottingham. Anyway, just had a blazing row with DH and DD as DD announces that boyfriend is coming to visit next weekend and when I asked her where she thought he would sleep, she looked at me with aghast, and said in my bed of course.

Rightly or wrongly, I said over my dead body. I told DD in no uncertain terms that this was our home and not a brothel. DH says i'm out of order and reminded me that this is 2011 and not 1951.

I have been in tears over this. Sorry, but it wouldn't matter if she was 17 or 21, she isn't married so I will not let her share a bed in my house. Am confused.

To the Christian bigots....

At least she's sleeping with a boy. Think of the shame if she was gay!

Pffft. Christian morals my arse. Think some of you need a refresher course in the true principles of christianity.

Posting on mumsnet to call your DD a whore and accuse her of turning your house into a brothel is extreme and inflammatory.

I agree that people might say something like that in the course of an argument. But most people have enough awareness of how it sounds to present their argument in a more self-flattering way on the internet.

Using a word like "promiscuous" in your title, about your monogamous 17 year old daughter is pretty much guaranteed to get a flood of shocked responses.

Is it your round next, listeningstick?

Just read OP and a few posts.

This is bollocks isn't it?

Another one of those nonsense ones doing the rounds today.

Thanks for the Troll info - it just goes to show there are some strange people about....

tethersend and tethersend ,the voices of reason

Speedy you go next and think of something funny - please

I was a teenage in the 1980's. At that time, some mums would allow this, some wouldn't. Those of us with mums that wouldn't allow it ended up doing the deed in cars in laybys, or in the woods. I know where I would prefer my DD to be and it's neither of those two places. I wouldn't allow different boys on different nights. But I would allow a partner of six weeks. Guess it's a very individual thing. Don't think you're going to stop your DD doing what she wants to. But you could give her a safe place to do it.

YAB a bit U OP. I was in a similar situation when I was 18 and came back from a club with a male friend who I'd known for about 6 months but hadn't seen for 3 or 4 years. I told him he could sleep in my bed while I slept on the airbed on the floor.

My dad called me a slut, mum didn't say anything to him (which in my eyes, at the time, condoned dads insult) so I calmly said nothing, went upstairs, packed my bags and ordered a taxi to take me to a very good mate's place. I will always be grateful for my friend for the support and place to stay.

emsyj

Why is it so obviously a troll though? Please inform me, oh wise ones

Well exactly, usualsuspect.

And tethersend.

I think she's making a point LeQueen.

We weren't allowed to sleep together in DH's house, strange as I lived there from the age of 17 until we married, I had to decamp to the sofa when he came home on leave, didn't stop us shagging pretty much everywhere, the bathroom , the living room floor, the caravan.
Unless you are with them 24/7, it is impossible to police.

Funny thing is LeQueen, DD has the patience of a gnat, even less than I do, how she copes with adult learners is one of life's great mysteries!
She will be working in a High School maths class come September as part of a graduate training programme, I honestly don't know how she does it.

yes i think you are being harsh!! just because you may not have had sex before marrage does not mean that's your daughters choice. she is 17 not 12 and to say that you house is not a brothel id be pissed off at that comment if i were your daughter too.

what are you gona do when shes 18 and over tell her shes not sleeping with anyone?? shes gona be an adult so pretty soon you will not be able to stop her.

i would just have a word about contraception instead of talking to her the way you are. as i said shes not 12

YABU. Why do you assume that because they share the same bed they are having intercourse? Why haven't you talked to her about what it means to start a physical relationship? If she's a Guide she'll have access to the peer educators who do loads of really good sex and relationship info. You just called your daughter a whore and frankly you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Any reasonable objection you may have had has been undermined by the terms you used.

Promiscuity is a good thing, though, if you use condoms and treat your partners with courtesy and kindness. Having several different partners and a clearheaded approach to sex - that it's fun, that you should only have it if and when you want to with people who are equally enthusiastic about the idea - is a healthy way of living. It's the young girls who have swallowed all the abstinence myths who end up married to arseholes who are clueless themselves about sex - the girls turn into women whose sex drive diminishes into nothing because once they've got past the first In Lurve stage they start to find that fifty seconds of nipple-tweaking followed by immediate PIV till the bloke rolls over is actually not doing much for them.

you would throw your daughters out if they had sex even if they were an adult???? get a grip!!!

to the op did you wait till you were married until you shared a bed with a man??

Le Queen - not sure how you discretely share a bed? Maybe you sleep in the same bed at different times?

Think you mean discreetly...

tethersend:

I couldn't have put it better myself.

LeQ: I think tethersend has already answered your question. I think she has actually answered everybody's questions. In fact I'm not sure why you are questioning her at all. She's clearly a genius.

At 17 I was living with my now husband!

It was that sort of parental attitude which made me move out so early.

Oh yes, and we rarely shagged in bed!

Well, goodness, Debbie, you do sound angry!

Like pretty much everyone here, I feel you have the right to insist boyfriend sleeps on the sofa but NOT to pass judgement on The State Of Young People Today, and CERTAINLY not to be using words like "brothel" and imagining the poor girl into a life of unplanned pregnancies and struggling on benefits. If that happens, it's more likely to be because she'd do anything to get away from your fire & brimstone!

A 17-year-old who attempts (albeit clumsily) to seek parental permission to have her boyfriend stay over is A Nice Girl. Six weeks is a reasonable time to be sleeping together, even if you'd prefer she waited until marriage.

A brothel is a business where customers pay the occupants for sex - you're not seriously suggesting that describes your home, are you?

Please apologise for the way you spoke to her, ask her if she's fully comfortable with her contraceptive & STI status, then explain that you'd prefer her not to conduct her sex life at home.