Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How on earth do I stop mil ringing at this time of the morning?

338 replies

janejon · 23/05/2011 11:53

My mil keeps rings us at 6 am whenever she wants to talk to my dh (sometimes earlier!). She does this because she thinks my husband gets up early- he used to, but does not have to get up this early anymore (fortunately). I mean b*s to my still being asleep and everything but that's another story...

Anyway, I'm absolutely sick of this- dh won't confront her (again another story, she won't 'remember' apparently Hmm) but I have really, really got to stop this cap. I mean who in their right mind rings at this time anyway? (unless really, really important and not just* for a 'chat'?) Please, folks, how can I stop this. Sneaky tricks accepted as long as not illegal!! Wink

People are either running around like anything getting ready for work or, if not, asleep. So why do this anyway?! At end of tether regarding this particular issue. Help.

OP posts:
Isla77 · 24/05/2011 01:15

Just switch the ringer off so you do not hear the phone. Give your nearest and dearest your mobile to ring in an emergency - this should not include m-in-l - and have a good nights sleep. Failing that get your dh to give her a right good bollocking and tell her he will mot be answering the phone at that time any more.

spamm · 24/05/2011 01:39

PM me her number and i will call her every evening before I go to bed - 10pm here will be 3am there. I will have a chat with her about the weather, the price of fuel and how much we miss Bovril. After 3 days, she will likely oversleep and not get round to calling you until at least 8am.

Does that sound like a more reasonable solution. Grin or you could just TELL HER TO STOP CALLING. Oops, sorry.

razzlebathbone · 24/05/2011 01:55

Get a second phone line installed with a different number. Give her the new number and nobody else. Just tell her you've changed numbers cos gone with new phone company or something. Unplug the new numbered phone every night. Everyone else carries on as normal. She is none the wiser. You never have to answer any of her calls until you plug her own special batphone in at a time in the morning of your choosing.

TheFrogs · 24/05/2011 02:59

razzle, I was going to suggest that if it's something affordable to op. I used to have two lines in the days of dial up internet and although I dont remember the price it can't have cost too much because i've never been loaded and I could afford it at the time!

janejon, I think i'm in the minority here but I do understand your reluctance to unplug/silence the landline re emergency situations because i'm the same. Mobiles are often unreliable for all number of reasons but with a landline any caller is almost guaranteed to get through. Another thing I think about is that in an emergency situation someone is much more likely to remember my landline number than my mobile if for any reason they didn't have their own mobile with them to speed dial it. I personally dont know what my son's mobile number is, my best friend, my family....no idea. God forbid i'd ever have to use a hospital pay phone because if it wasn't for knowing landline numbers i'd be screwed!

I also understand that even if the phone rings and you see on caller display its the MIL, it doesn't matter if you dont answer....you're already awake! (and seething).

I cant think of much of a solution apart from razzle's suggestion...or telling MIL landline has been cut off and to ring your hubby's mobile instead...or divert calls to hubby's mobile, set it to vibrate and stick it under his pillow, depends on what a light/deep sleeper he is!

seeker · 24/05/2011 07:08

If you have never specifically told her that your dh no longer gets up at 6 so that is no longer a good time to call, then how is the poor bloody woman expected to know?

Bogeyface · 24/05/2011 07:11

Call divert is worth it weight in gold. The phone doesnt even ring. You can do it for all calls or just selected numbers and you can get hers on there everynight to a mobile that you have switched off or on silent.

SonicMiddleAge · 24/05/2011 07:44

My dad got into the habbit of calling later and later for chats, dispite being told repreatedly that with dd being such an appaling sleeper the only way we stayed sane was to go to bed at ten. After he called once about midnight for a chat and woke her up, (then took an hour to get her back down), I reponded by when we all got up at 5, (which was 4am in the uk) I called him back saying sorry I was so tired the previous night I couldn't remember what he wanted, could he please remind me. Funnily enough that was the end of the late night calls... Could you maybe try this the other way round?

HSMM · 24/05/2011 07:54

Did she ring this morning?

Gandalfthedyed · 24/05/2011 08:01

I love how you actually have a conversation with her! Hmm

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 24/05/2011 08:19

I think Bogeyface has the definitive answer - caller divert for MIL's number.

No worries about ignoring an emergency call, no need to ignore her number, no worries whatsoever.

Do it today. Tell us you have done it. End of thread.

Original poster
janejon · 24/05/2011 08:27

I don't have a conversation with her as such, It's like: 'No you've woken me up. Call you again later.' She has not got hint.

Please, while I appreciate some of the suggestions here; there is zero point telling her not to ring. Why can't some of you appreciate that some people do NOT do what they ask of them. And I am not a pushover when it comes to her, I didn't speak to her for a year once because she offended me so much. And neither did my dh.

OP posts:
Original poster
janejon · 24/05/2011 08:38

If you told a psychotic person to stop doing something, would they? Course not. No offence to psychotic people as such, I feel for them, I really do. But there is no reasoning with someone who is unreasonable like her. Why is this so hard for some to understand?

You also cannot TELL a little baby to stop crying and expect it to. Most are mums here, fgs, this should be obvious. Well, in the same way, I can't tell mil not to ring because she won't listen. Other solutions have to be found.
If she were reasonable, of course I would tell/ask.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 24/05/2011 08:40

What harm would it do to try asking her not to ring?

She may not be as "psychotic" as you think.

YABU, because you have not asked her not to ring.

2rebecca · 24/05/2011 08:52

What is wrong with the call divert idea?
You seem to be playing a game of "yes but". Every time someone comes up with a reasonable way to stop your MIL's unreasonable behaviour you have a half excuse as to why that wouldn't suit you.
You sound as though you don't really want to change this behaviour and just want to moan about it.
I really wouldn't tolerate someone phoning regularly at 6am and either their number would be blocked or the phones switched to silent or the call divert thing. This would be after my husband and I had told the caller plainly and angrily that 6am was not an OK time to call and we didn't wake until 7. I would not be married to the sort of man who could not tell his mother to stop ringing at 6am.

Gandalfthedyed · 24/05/2011 08:56

You don't ask her.

You say.

" If you phone us at 6 am we will not answer. We are not up and we will be available from 9 am"

Original poster
janejon · 24/05/2011 09:04

2rebecca But I AM considering technology as a way out of this!!

OP posts:
Original poster
janejon · 24/05/2011 09:05

Have I not said this?! Confused

OP posts:
PatientGriselda · 24/05/2011 09:07

You just didn't respond to the call divert suggestion, that was all. What do you think of it? It sounds perfect.

exoticfruits · 24/05/2011 09:16

It seems to be a huge thread just to get to the point where you need to say 'please don't ring at 6am, we are all still in bed and asleep'!

Gandalfthedyed · 24/05/2011 09:19

Tell her first, then put the phone on silent/divert.

It really is that simple.
I can't quite get my head around being so out of control in your own home.
Does she control you both in other ways?

Original poster
janejon · 24/05/2011 09:34

She tries to Gandalfthedyed, tries to tell us where to put things in our own home etc. We resist. Thankfully, my husband won't take much in the way of crap from here and nor will I.

But then again it is hard to stop somebody ringing your home if they have your number.

I can't say any more now but, to sum up, some of the technological ideas here are brilliant and I will be taking them on board. Most definitely. But, sorry folks, the 'just tell her' approach irriatates me because I know her and you lot do not and she will NOT listen.

Fgs, if she would listen, why would I be asking here in first place?! Confused. Also, does she sound like a reasonable human being to you

OP posts:
Original poster
janejon · 24/05/2011 09:42

ringing at this time? Also, 'training' ideas are good, too.

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 24/05/2011 09:48

I think you have to tell her to stop ringing - to show her again that you won't be messed round by her and to give her one final warning.

Tell her that if she rings again there will be a consequence - that way you are not just asking her to stop (which I appreciate will not work, in your experience with your MIL). Then when she phones again, use the consequence you have threatened. It is the same as giving a child a warning before putting them on the naughty step or taking away their pocket money/playstation/treat.

I am not suggesting you reason with her, or ask her to stop ringing. And I am not saying 'just tell her to stop' - showing her that there will be a consequence changes the dynamic. It also puts you back in control of the situation - at the moment you are reacting to what she does - you need to be proactive.

If it were me, I would be ringing my MIL now and saying:

"MIL - it is unacceptable for you to ring us at 6am and wake us all up. If you do it again, we will put your number on caller divert so we do not hear your call. Have a nice day. Goodbye."

seeker · 24/05/2011 09:51

Well, if you won't tell/ask her not to ring and you won't turn your phone off then you're buggered, aren't you?

QuackQuackSqueak · 24/05/2011 09:53

Haven't read all the posts (so many!) but have you tried upplugging or not answering before? What happens?

Swipe left for the next trending thread