Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How on earth do I stop mil ringing at this time of the morning?

338 replies

janejon · 23/05/2011 11:53

My mil keeps rings us at 6 am whenever she wants to talk to my dh (sometimes earlier!). She does this because she thinks my husband gets up early- he used to, but does not have to get up this early anymore (fortunately). I mean b*s to my still being asleep and everything but that's another story...

Anyway, I'm absolutely sick of this- dh won't confront her (again another story, she won't 'remember' apparently Hmm) but I have really, really got to stop this cap. I mean who in their right mind rings at this time anyway? (unless really, really important and not just* for a 'chat'?) Please, folks, how can I stop this. Sneaky tricks accepted as long as not illegal!! Wink

People are either running around like anything getting ready for work or, if not, asleep. So why do this anyway?! At end of tether regarding this particular issue. Help.

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 23/05/2011 20:21

nszhar - Many people have no idea what dementia presents like in its early stages, and will put apparently weird or anti-social behaviour, quite understandably down to personality or awkwardness. So I was just offering that as a possibility
I've no way of knowing this is the case here. Anyway, going away now as I am bored.

Original poster
janejon · 23/05/2011 20:23

God, some of you lot are fucking vicious. No need for it. As for Lou222, Christ, your life must be so easy what with people doing EXACTLY as you ask all the time. Well, here's the thing: sometimes they DON'T and you just give up with them; I have known my mil for 15 years and she NEVER does what people ask of her unless it is right by her. She turns a deaf ear if it doesn't suit her to do it. Believe me, it suits her to ring at that hour so s*d everybody else is her world view.

And, no, I can't remember EXACTLY who has my mobile number AND landline so I like to keep BOTH accessible. My grandfather died last year and because nobody could get through to me, I missed his last hours.

I have talked to her when she rings, I keep it very brief and drop extremely heavy hints and am abrupt-all to no avail.

OP posts:
sunshinelifeisgood · 23/05/2011 20:24

my dad had alz for three years until he started talking to trees and upsetting the neighbours-- until we really noticed that the behaviour had changed

Original poster
janejon · 23/05/2011 20:25

Luckily, the kids bedrooms are out of earshot of phone and she doesn't wake them.

OP posts:
nzshar · 23/05/2011 20:26

But you answer it you are enabling her. DO NOT ANSWER. I don't answer my phone evrytime it goes if I am busy with my sleep family

sunshinelifeisgood · 23/05/2011 20:27

Then Jane you have to be firm if you have ruled out any problems she may be experiencing. Unplugging the phone is certainly not a option. For what it is worth I do not think anyone is being vicious. Good luck :)

nzshar · 23/05/2011 20:28

ok for those claiming it could be alz....maybe it is maybe it isn't. But the OP seems to imply that her MIL has always been like this no?

PatriciaHolm · 23/05/2011 20:48

Don't ASK her anything. TELL her that from now on you are not answering the phone until 8am, and don't. Turn the ringer down, put it on the answering machine on silent, whatever, just don't answer it. Hopefully in a week or so she'll realise you are serious. Don't pick up the phone, don't engage at all. Ring her at a time that suits you and don't mention it again.

Bunbaker · 23/05/2011 20:53

I think people are getting impatient because they have presented some really sensible and useful tips on how to deal with your problem and you keep giving pathetic excuses not to try them out.

These early morning phone calls have to stop. I can't understand why neither you nor your husband feel that you are unable to stand up to your MIL and tell her that in future any phone call before 7 am will not be answered. In any case why does she need to ring every morning? Is she lonely? Bored? Does she suffer from insomnia?

Either ignore the phone or lift the receiver off the hook and leave it off so she can talk to thin air.

If you are with BT you can get caller display and it shows what number is calling you,

Above all stand up to your MIL

Original poster
janejon · 23/05/2011 20:54

She has always been like this (well since I have known her, so it's NOT Alzheimer's). Thank you for everybody's input. I must go for now.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 23/05/2011 20:59

But what is her answer to your dh asking her nit to ring at that time as it wakes the children?? (and you two)?

Original poster
janejon · 23/05/2011 20:59

I do stand up to her; whenever she has offended me, I have said so, in fact, in retrospect we have probably been a bit too 'nipping of the bud' of her behaviour when she has been out of order. But this is different because she sees nothing wrong at all with this.

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 23/05/2011 21:00

Buy some earplugs.

Choufleur · 23/05/2011 21:04

Set your alarm and phone her at 2am and say you were awake and just wanted a chat.

2rebecca · 23/05/2011 21:06

I'm not sure what sort of emergency if you are not an on call doctor or paramedic and your children live with you and your husband is at home would require you to be woken during the night..
I would turn the phones off, or ask her not to ring before 8am or whatever time is convenient in future. If she doesn't have alzheimers this should get through. I would be extremely rude to anyone ringing us at 6am if it wasn't an emergency or an accident.

Alot of women on mumsnet seem terrified of telling their inlaws or any adult older than them that they would like them to change their behaviour.
If you have an answerphone then you can turn the ringer off and still let someone leave messages.

suburbophobe · 23/05/2011 21:16

sunshine, I know how you feel, you can't really shut off can you? (have had hospital situations to deal with, sudden falls in the night, etc).

Wishing you all the best!

stoatie · 23/05/2011 21:29

For all those who say "ignore the phone" if she is like the annoying little git dear friend of DS who rings at odd times, if it rings and goes to answerphone he puts the phone down.......and rings again......and again.....and again until we answer so the MIL might do they same.

My options would be either to ring MIL from OHs mobile and inform her that the land line is not working and can she contact him on his mobile, he can either put it on silent and ignore her or if he want to answer so be it.

Or the blunt approach, answer phone in very sleepy voice, when she asks for OH say "he is asleep he will ring you later" and put phone down - after a few attempts she will get the message

Pictish · 23/05/2011 21:32

I am starting to think this is a piss take.

clam · 23/05/2011 21:48

OK, so shes' doing it because she wants to and thinks you should be up anyway. You're enabling her by answering the phone and talking, however briefly to her. You're not prepared to TELL HER NOT TO PHONE AT THAT HOUR AGAIN.
So, suck it up.

There you go, thread over.

Pictish · 23/05/2011 21:49

Right on.

Teachermumof3 · 23/05/2011 23:22

Why don't you tell her that DH used to be up at 6am, but isn't any more so it is a rubbish time to phone? Have you asked her before not to phone this early or not?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 23/05/2011 23:24

OK - you've dropped heavy hints and been abrupt - you obviously need to be more direct and tell her to stop ringing at 6am, otherwise you will get her number blocked. It sounds as if this is the only thing that will get through to her.

DitaVonCheese · 23/05/2011 23:31

Have you ever actually done anything to let her know that you don't want her to call at 6 am? Apart from hints and being a bit abrupt Hmm?

JockTamsonsBairns · 24/05/2011 00:05

Nine bloody pages. What a piece of nonsense.

DontGoCurly · 24/05/2011 00:11

I'd just pick up the phone and immediately cut her off. Then leave the phone off the hook.

Train her like a dog.

I don't understand why you are making polite conversation with her? What are you afraid of? Her being offended ?

She needs to be offended.