How on earth do I stop mil ringing at this time of the morning?

[janejon]

My mil keeps rings us at 6 am whenever she wants to talk to my dh (sometimes earlier!). She does this because she thinks my husband gets up early- he used to, but does not have to get up this early anymore (fortunately). I mean bs to my still being asleep and everything but that's another story...

Anyway, I'm absolutely sick of this- dh won't confront her (again another story, she won't 'remember' apparently ) but I have really, really got to stop this cap. I mean who in their right mind rings at this time anyway? (unless really, really important and not just for a 'chat'?) Please, folks, how can I stop this. Sneaky tricks accepted as long as not illegal!!

People are either running around like anything getting ready for work or, if not, asleep. So why do this anyway?! At end of tether regarding this particular issue. Help.

[janejon]

I'd also have to remember to plug the phone back in every morning and, sooner or later, my dh is going to want to know why phone is unplugged. I can understand why he might have reservations about unplugging phone all night because I do, too, and I can't keep it unplugged every night. So thanks, everybody, but I don't think this is a realistic option for me. Any other suggestions (anybody. please )

[sherbetpips]

My DH's family all think that calling at 11pm for a chat is perfectly acceptable. We eventually just told them that we dont answer the phone between 9pm and 9am and they did, eventually, stop ringing.
I think you just need to steel yourself to ask her not to do it. let her know that he no longer works those early hours and its best to ring in the early evening so the phone doesnt wake the kids up in the morning/at night. If she takes the hump or 'forgets' then you can always mention it again, its not life ending and she will get over it as long as you handle it as nicely as possible and dont get angry with her.

[Bumfuzzle]

I assume that your husband is the one who gets up and answers the phone?

If not, then when it rings, you kick him in the arse and say "That'll be your mother, you answer it."

or get caller id and just let the phone ring and ring. then at 9 ish or whatever, call back and say "did you ring? only we were in bed. we don't get up at 6 any more, you know." repeat as required.

Or start phoning her at 5am. "I knew you'd be phoning in a bit, so thought I'd call you now, save your phone bill."

I realise that in the short term, that is quite knackering for you, but if she objects to being woken up, you can say "But you wake us up at 6 you know."

Or you can change your number and not tell her [evil]

[WincyEtNightie]

I can really only see 3 options

1. Tell her straight out not to call before X o'clock
   
2. Unplug the phone
   
3. Answer it yourself at 6am. Say you are (were!) all asleep and DH will ring her back at X o'clock. Do not engage in any further conversation. Repeat every time until she gets the message. Kind of rapid return for MILs

[TotemPole]

You have to tell her to stop phoning. There is no other solution.

[WincyEtNightie]

Actually I like Bumfuzzle's pre-emptive strike technique best

[nickelbabe]

get 1571 so that it answers the calls.
you cna also get telephones with answerphones on - just make sureyou turn the answerphone on before you go to bed.

then if it is an emergency, you'll hear it.

but you must tell her not to call at such a ridiculous hour, it's disturbing all of you, especially the children.

[TotemPole]

That could backfire and she starts phoning at 4am. Then you phone her at 3am. Then she phones at 2am.

Keep going and you'll get to hour you're happy with.

[janejon]

madonnawhore, thing is, I think he may have a point. I do think that telling her directly may be a waste of his breath. Sometimes I genuinely do not know if she is does things because she is thick or out of a sense of malice. Either way, her ringing at this hour is a pain in the arse.

[manicbmc]

I think it's damn odd for a parent to want to talk to their grown up child every day and vice versa. Talk to your dh about it and get him to tell her to call in the evening after a certain time.

[janejon]

TotemPole, There is no 'repping' system on mn that I am aware of- but I just want to say your post is one of the funniest I've ever seen.

Actually, I've had an idea. I know she likes going to bed about 10-11 p.m. perhaps I should start ringing HER at this time. It's tit-for-tat but, hey, it's better than a screaming match.

[ivykaty44]

Tell MIL to telephone between 9am-9pm as you don't answer the phone before this time.

Plug in answer machine and don't answer the phone just listen to the message - she will get bored talking to herself if she rings early

make sure you have mobile for real emergency

[ChaoticAngelbitchfromhell]

You could always answer the phone and say "D'you mind we're having sex could you please call back later, after say oooh 10am, bye." and hang up

[empirestateofmind]

You could put an answer machine on with a message saying no one is available to come to the phone.

If MIL asks why you can say you were getting calls from people too early that were waking everyone up. No need to say it was her.

Then switch the machine off when everyone is up.

[nomedoit]

Oh for God's sake. This is so easily solved by any of the suggestions you have been given and rejected. Either tell her or turn off the ringer and get the phone to go to answermachine. Do you want to actually want to solve this or is there some dynamic whereby it's more fun to complain about your MIL and her "sense of malice"?

[fedupofnamechanging]

I think the pair of you need to stop being so bloody wet and tell her not to phone at 6am.

Seriously, how many emergencies do you think you are going to get in the middle of the night, where someone wouldn't think to call your mobile.

Unplug your phone or set the ringer to mute like I did when MIL used to phone every sunday morning. When your DH asks why the phone is unplugged tell him it's to avoid being woken at 6 am by his mother and you will stop doing this when he stops being too much of a wuss to deal with her.

[Saltire]

empirestate - that will work unless she is like my mum, who is one of the reasons we don't have an answering machine.
1 - clogging up entire answering machine with messages left at 2 minute intervals.
2- Saying "I really really need to speak to you urgently, I know you're there" -3- when we stopped taking her calls, ringing DH's work (miliarty) and asking them to send police round to check we are ok

Are all soem of the reasons we don't have answering machines now

[faverolles]

Why won't your dh tell her it's not acceptable?
Is he happy with her ringing at that time?
Is he too much of a mouse to tell her that early morning calls are not on?
I think this problem needs him to deal with it.
If he won't, give your mil his mobile number, unplug the landline, make him sleep in another room or on the settee until he deals with it.
Or pick up the phone, ring her and tell her not to ring until 9 am.
This is a problem with limited solutions. Would it be easier to just tell her, or put up with it forever?

[janejon]

nomedoit. With respect, it may seem solvable to you because I'm guessing you are a reasonable person, and if somebody told YOU not to ring so early you'd listen to them (but I am also guessing that, unless it is an emergency, no reasonable person would ring at that hour for a 'chat' anyway) she is not reasonable. So, you can't fight UNreasonableness with reason.

Secondly, I have already said why turning ringer off is not an option- couldn't forgive myself if an emergency situation arose and the phone was off to avoid my mil.

[Miggsie]

Pick up the phone and put it straight back down again...it isn't hard.

She may get the message.

Or pick it up and say "we are not awake phone later" and put it down again.

By the sound of it your MIL and SIL have bullied your DH all his life so he won't ever stand up to them, so this is a power trip for them, not an actual desire to talk.

Just say "we are not up" and refuse to talk, they will stop at some point. If you do nohting, they won't stop.

[janejon]

Hi, Miggsie, think you're confusing threads. Not mentioned a SIL here .

[fedupofnamechanging]

You've been given the only solutions that exist. If neither of you are prepared to take the good advice you've been given, then you'll have to put up with it.

[janejon]

But her VOICE alone on the ansaphone will wake us up. She is not one for a quick 'I'll ring later' she will ramble on and on with the message.