to wish people would be a bit objective about their kids?

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

This is meant to be a bit lighthearted!

I go on a couple of other forums and have noticed that lots of people describe their children as "very bright". Lots of mums that I know in RL describe their children as "very bright" too. Okay yes some children are very bright, but some aren't. Some are average, some below average. Surely not everyone's child is bright.

Another thing I've noticed, online and with friends in real life is mums saying that their children are tall and thin, therefore needing a smaller sized pair of trousers for the waist but a bigger size for the leg length. Any thread about childrens' clothes on one particular forum I go on, you can guarantee that lots of people will say the same thing about their child. And yes, I know some children are tall and thin, but not all are. One woman in particular that I bump into on the school run most days goes on and on about how hard it is to buy clothes for her daughter as she's so tall and thin. Her daughter is slim, because she doesn't eat, but she isn't tall, she looks average to me when she comes out of school with other children in her class, certainly not one of the taller ones.

I know these seem like petty examples, but I wish people would just be objective about their children, at least sometimes.

With some parents it starts before birth. EG

The sonographer said that she'd NEVER seen such an active baby/that his legs are UNUSUALLY long/bla bla bla.

Then in the maternity ward. I saw this with my last baby. The paediatrician came round and checked another baby's reflexes. All fine. Cue dad to all visitors "Her reflexes are AMAZING. The doctor said, they were really SUPERB."

The thing is I think all my children are amazing. And talented and beautiful. But I also know that they are all completely within the range of normal for everything.

I quite like the fact that I think my DD is amazing and incredibly talented in all that she does. I think that is my job as her mum. However, I don't expect the rest of the world to share my view.

Our sonographer told us DD (now 3) would have very long legs. She in fact has very short legs which combined with a belly of cuddlesome proportions means that she is yet to wear a pair of jeans without turnups. I have no illusions about this.

However, I am of the belief that she is Very Clever. And I sometimes justify her actions through this - tantrums because she is frustrated by the sheer magnitude of her brain (as if she is stropping because she didn't split the atom at nursery). I realise its not true but I have a year or so before she is as school and I have to face the fact that she is wonderfully average. So until then, I shall keep my belief that I have created a genius who will be Leader of the Free World.

You see, this is where I differ.

I have never believed my DSs, either of them, to be the cleverest/best looking/most talented. Ever. I have always been a realist about all these things.

I would never dream of telling either of them 'You're average at maths/dance/ woodwork' or 'Your features are perfectly pleasant, normal and symmetrical but you'd never be a model'-

But I let them know how much I love them by telling them and by small day to day acts of affection, and by showing my interest in them and what they do, encouraging and helping them where I can.

I also tell them I expect they to strive towards being the best they can be, which might be a C grade in maths for DS2 or successfully engaging a new friend for DS1 who's very shy, because I believe happiness lies in them finding their own place in the world.

FWIW it used to always annoy me when I'd remark that, for example, I hoped a government was serious in sponsoring new apprenticeships as that's quite likely where DS2 is heading, only to be basically accused of undervaluing him as I wasn't spouting what a genius he was! I do however make a point, when the opportunity presents of musing how carpentry/plumbing etc etc are all good, noble (and well enough paid!) jobs, not to be sneered at, so, should DS2 end up in a trade, he will know from an early age that we do not regard this as failure. Unlike so many of my fellow parents....

I wonder if all this comes about form me being an older mum? I'm 47 with a 10 year old.

You know what - I would rather hear other parents endlessly tell me how wonderful their DC are (whilst inwardly knowing that they are nowhere near as wonderful as mine, of course ) than hear (as I have) parents saying in front of DC2 that 'of course' DC2 is nowhere near as attractive/clever/good at stuff as DC1. That made me and in equal measure.

erebus great post .

Yes, well that's wrong, isn't it?

If DS2 were to say ''I'm not as clever as DS1, am I?', remembering that he's 10, not 4, my response would be along the lines of 'DS1 has got things he's good at, and you've got things you're good at, and they won't always be the same things, will they? That would be boring!''

mine was to squiggle, not you doley as I bask in your praise!

bask away erebus bask away ...

YANBU - but you are being unrealistic. Parents don't say that their children are ordinary and average or even below that level. They just don't. Get over it.

I think this is a non-issue.

I once worked in a clinic-based job where I had to listen to parents wax lyrical about how stupid and useless and tiring and awful their kids are e.g. "Johnny is four now and yet he just wants to muck about all the time, I have to ask him a million times to do anything because he is just so bloody thick". Johnny nods along. "I am mum, amn't I?"

I can't get worked up about parental pride.

doley, I grasp it where I can in this vale of tears....

Yes oakmaiden - I can sing - my voice would scare any bugger who tried to approach me on a dark night!

lachlan - I have to admit that immediately after giving birth I was bizarrely proud of ds's Apgar score (perfect ten or whatever number it is) and boasted to my family. Only to my family, though!