to wish people would be a bit objective about their kids?

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

This is meant to be a bit lighthearted!

I go on a couple of other forums and have noticed that lots of people describe their children as "very bright". Lots of mums that I know in RL describe their children as "very bright" too. Okay yes some children are very bright, but some aren't. Some are average, some below average. Surely not everyone's child is bright.

Another thing I've noticed, online and with friends in real life is mums saying that their children are tall and thin, therefore needing a smaller sized pair of trousers for the waist but a bigger size for the leg length. Any thread about childrens' clothes on one particular forum I go on, you can guarantee that lots of people will say the same thing about their child. And yes, I know some children are tall and thin, but not all are. One woman in particular that I bump into on the school run most days goes on and on about how hard it is to buy clothes for her daughter as she's so tall and thin. Her daughter is slim, because she doesn't eat, but she isn't tall, she looks average to me when she comes out of school with other children in her class, certainly not one of the taller ones.

I know these seem like petty examples, but I wish people would just be objective about their children, at least sometimes.

People have different views about what is "very bright" or "tall and slim" or anything of that sort though, there is no universal standard to measure it.

I met up with an old school friend recently. She was going on for the better part of an hour about what a competitive private school her DD (nearly 6) attends and how far ahead they are compared to other children etc. We were having lunch and my four year old said something like 'I have 6 of these on my plate' or something like that. Friend looked thunderstruck and asked me if she knew to count . The nearly 6 year old DD of hers, who is educated at the "highly competitive private school" then proudly announced that they'd just been taught how to count to 15 and she'd learnt them perfectly . Friend didn't look so sure of things after that and of course I didn't have the heart to tell her that my 4 year old could actually count to 100 and dropped the subject.

Blimey. Thinking it is unusual for a six year old to count to 15 is a step beyond rose tinted and into madly deluded.
Does she live in a cupboard or something.
I don't think I know any 6 year olds who can't do that. And ds2 has sn.

This reminds me of that thread about attendance awards, because they are also something some parents get all proud about despite the fact they are usually nothing whatsoever to do with the child. Same with body shape etc, it's not something to boast about, surely? I only quoted dd's 'tall and thin' shape to try and be generous to the mum the OP mentioned as being something she really may find difficult in terms of clothes etc as I do, but I can't see how it would be something someone would go on about in terms of being proud of.

Pagwatch speaks great sense as usual. I think we should be OTT about our DCs to our DCs (without pretending something that is blatantly not the case, as in X Factor fails) but really there is nothing to be gained in being one of those parents who never stops talking about the so called 'gifts' of their most wonderful PFB. Just gets tedious, that.

Exactly Pagwatch. It's one of those things you can't say anything about though is it, just let her find out for herself eventually. Especially since the child was with us as well, I was just happy for the kid that she seemed enthusiastic about, and was enjoying, school.

agree with Pagwatch...non "bright" children are NOT inferior

Ok, will be objective about DS.

He is short so nightmare buying trousers...if they are the right length the waist is too tight etc etc. He is almost 9 but I have to usually buy him aged 5/6 to get a half decent fit! Michael Jackson mania was fantastic for us.......he looked trendy wearing ankle swingers

He is incredibly "streetwise" but academically not the sharpest tool in the box but he does try his best which is the main thing.

He is a fussy sod at eating and a nightmare at bedtime.

Apart from that he is the best kid in the whole wide world and I love him to absolute pieces...he is bloody handsome with a fantastic sparky personality and is certainly not inferior.

Much as I love him, I am not oblivious to his bad points!

I agree and disagree with you. Whilst I hate overt boasting about ones own children , especially if you have a child with SN who might never be at the same level as the Nt kids,really smacks you in the face.

My gorgeous kind and loving dd aged 4 has socialcommnication difficulties, possible ASD, it's my job as her mum to be positive about the things she can do, as in education they most certainly will not. I am finding this already and dd hasn't started scoop yet, she attends a pre school attatched to the main school.

OP- I totally agree with you. The dd being so tall and slim thing is hilarious!!

Some very wise advice I heard was after doing the 5 month scan the doctor informed my friend that everything was perfectly normal and average for the gestatioin period.

On seeing her relief he said 'remember how pleased you were to hear this during the years after your child is born'

Hey lyingwitch we are not arguing in this thread!

This egotistical trend doesn't seem to be going away and it's affecting older people too - just watch Britain's Got Talent which is full of older people deluding themselves...

I would guess that the mum you are posting about specifically is trying to make conversation, and probably the only thing she knows she has in common with you is children. So she is talking about her children in an effort to be friendly.

And actually she is right. My daughter is tall, but not exceptionally tall, and thin, but again not rake like, just slender - and it is really difficult to find her clothes that fit well. She is wearing age 8 at the moment (she is 7) and they are all far too short, but if I put her in age 9 stuff it would be very loose around the waist and would fall down all the time.

Why not try introducing a different topic of conversation next time you find yourself in the playground near her? Ask her about her holiday plans or something....

I did do some centile boasting about DD when she was born but it was more about me than her tbh... I was just so proud I managed to get her out! I know she will always be the tallest girl in her class bescause I always was..and her dad was the tallest boy. I also know that she won't be a model because she is the spitting image of me as well and likely to spend her life on the porky side too! I do hope she'll be nice enough though :)

My fav ever was a woman who had a perfectly nice dd but was convinced that her child was a teeny tiny sprite of a thing when she was just like my dd, average size for a four year old. They both had a tendency towards the rounder end of normal and dd was also a short arse at that point.

She used to squeeze her dd into clothes for a three year old and as her dd stood there, seams bursting, she would bemoan finding things small enough.

One day as my dd and hers were thundering around at what was laughingly called a baby ballet class she cried out
" oh look at how she just floats through the space"

It was fabulous.

I think sometimes it can go the other way too. My younger sister was always exceptional (as in actually exceptional) but my mother always downplayed her talents and made out she was very ordinary. As a result I was referred to as being 'a bit slow' or 'not as sharp as her sister'. If my sister was 'average' then I, being far less clever than her must be quite below average.

As such I went through life referring to myself as 'a bit thick' or 'not the sharpest too in the box'. This sometimes annoyed people who, in retrospect I was objectively much brighter than but because they had bags of self confidence I didn't for a moment think I was as clever as them.

I got 3As in my A levels and a 1st from UCL (didn't apply to Oxbridge as I was too 'thick').

My sister has a double starred first from Cambridge. She came top in her year. That was when she actually realised that yes, she was fairly exceptional

I think in our case it would have been better if our mother had been a bit less modest. I only found out as an adult I won a scholarship to my prep school and to a very competitive private school (I actually passed my 11+ and my parents preferred the ethos of the grammar)

Hey Hairfulofsnakes, I know! That's what I love about MN... you can argue bitterly with somebody on a thread and agree with them completely on another.

pagwatch... Your narrative is very amusing.

X factor wannabes aren't normally that deluded IRL. They go through several stages with different researchers, each time being told how great they are. By the time the 'hilariously bad' ones get near the judges, they've been lied to so much they actually believe the lies. Poor sods are being exploited for our amusement. OK, they volunteered, but I doubt anyone explained exactly how manipulative the programme is before they started.

I have a close relative who insists her daughter has much smaller feet then she really does .

The little girl has average size slim feet ,every summer I am slightly baffled to see her heels hanging over the edge of her flip -flops

Re x factor - I know I can't sing (sound like a screeching rat) so surely these wannabes know if their voice is shite or not?!

My middle child is exceptional.

He's nearly 8 but he could pass for 4 because he's so small and baby-faced.

I'm thinking about trying to get him into films.

He's also very camp.

Now that is exceptional. A camp 4 year old. Somewhere out there, there's a sitcom part with his name written all over it......

You'd think so, hairfull, wouldn't you? But TV producers are very, very, very good at talking people into things they wouldn't normally do or into behaving very strangely. Those people on confrontational daytime TV shows like Jeremy Kyle don't arrive foaming at the mouth - they are wound up and up and up until it's time to make 'great telly'.

I think there are some fairly odd assumptions on here about both height and thinness. My dd is very tall. It means finding age appropriate clothes for her now is difficult and when she gets a little older I will really worry about her being taken advantage of because she looks a good few years older than she is. I had exactly the same issues when I was a young teen and it wasn't at all fun. dh is also tall (6'5") and complains that people go on about it in a way he finds actually quite upsetting. He's had that since he was a teenager. ds is very thin. It doesn't mean I think he will be a model. What is does mean is that he runs out of energy easily and can get very cold. He also worries about being teased because all his joints stick out. That his clothes fall off him is a fairly small inconvenience. If I say I have tall thin children it is just a statement of fact. When there are conversations about how to dress tall thin children I will join in - it would be a bit strange if those threads were full of parents of short fat children, or even average children (and dd is average, just for a child three or so years older).

I think the OP just has met some quite boring people who struggle to find anything very interesting to talk about. Which must be a struggle I guess (I just used to take a book when I picked up the children from school and had to hang about).

Re praising your children too much there is some research that has found it to be very counterproductive. Much better to praise them for things under their control, like working hard, or practicing than looking nice or being bright. Of course it is also important to tell them that you love them and think they are fantastic, but unwarranted praise can apparently be quite a burden.

Yep agree that tv producers help fan the flames of delusion but I tell ya, if I ever start to believe I can sing someone slap me please

Of course you can sing, hairfullofsnakes!

Now, whether you can sing WELL....

I think teaching yor children to look at themselves objectively is important. They need to see what things are great about them, what they have a natural talent for and what they need to work on...

The first step to teaching them this is actually looking at them objectively yourself...

So I will happily tell DD she is pretty, clever, hardworking, sporty...but we would all be lying if we said she could sing like a nightingale and that she is a bastion of selflessness.

Similarly DS is sporty, academic, hardworking and sensitive...but he has the dexterity of a Friday Night drunk. We play 'guess what this is, Mum' when he brings home art/DT/pottery projects.

I think these things apply to older children though. When DD was tiny we applauded her warbbling and put DS's picture proudly on display.