to wish people would be a bit objective about their kids?

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

This is meant to be a bit lighthearted!

I go on a couple of other forums and have noticed that lots of people describe their children as "very bright". Lots of mums that I know in RL describe their children as "very bright" too. Okay yes some children are very bright, but some aren't. Some are average, some below average. Surely not everyone's child is bright.

Another thing I've noticed, online and with friends in real life is mums saying that their children are tall and thin, therefore needing a smaller sized pair of trousers for the waist but a bigger size for the leg length. Any thread about childrens' clothes on one particular forum I go on, you can guarantee that lots of people will say the same thing about their child. And yes, I know some children are tall and thin, but not all are. One woman in particular that I bump into on the school run most days goes on and on about how hard it is to buy clothes for her daughter as she's so tall and thin. Her daughter is slim, because she doesn't eat, but she isn't tall, she looks average to me when she comes out of school with other children in her class, certainly not one of the taller ones.

I know these seem like petty examples, but I wish people would just be objective about their children, at least sometimes.

Gwendoline, I have plenty to occupy me, thanks. I don't care if someone has trouble finding trousers to fit their child TBH. I don't however want to be greeted everyday on the school run by a mum moaning about how difficult it is to find trousers to fit her daughter, how her daughter is so tall and thin it's ridiculous etc etc. There really is no need to say these things to someone over and over again.

Well maybe she's genuinely frustrated at not being able to find trousers for her daughter

And why would I think the world of someone else's child? What an odd thing to say

It's an ever odder thing to say that parents should actually realise that their children are neither bright nor attractive.

I imagine you are objective about yours and are fully aware of how plain looking they are and that they're not particularly academically gifted then? If not, talk about the pot and the kettle

I don't know- there's being proud of your children and knowing their strengths, and then there's being blind to any weaknesses.

I think I am objective about my children. I am aware when they are behaving badly, and can see the things they are particularly good at and the things they are not so good at.

I had to laugh one day. dd2(5) said she wished she could be as pretty as a princess. I told her she was prettier than any princess, that she and dd1 were two of the most beautiful girls in the world. She looked at me sceptically for a minute then said "I'm sure that's not true, mummy, but I think I'll believe you because I want to!"

I think what I was getting at in my OP is; think what you like about your child, class them as a genius and if it makes you happy to think they're tall and thin when they're more like Roland from Grange Hill, then fine. But don't think others want to hear about it all again and again. Because you might look like a muppet when your child isn't how they claim they are.

Ah OP, but that's not what you said is it?

Point taken

Well I don't think what I said is all that different is it?

How can you not be aware of exactly what your own child is like, you are around them all the time and know them inside out.

I know that my older daughter is well above average academically, way below average at sport, reasonably musical, very dramatic, hopeless at art and, although obviously I think she is gorgeous, objectively rather ordinary looking, small and scrawny.

I know that my younger daughter is a bang on average, 'will never set the world on fire' academic but is, as far as one can tell in a barely 4 year old, likely to be very sporty and confident. She is also, objectively, by far the prettier of the two, although she's hardly child model material (no chance with me as her mother!)

I don't see how knowing that makes me odd or uncaring in any way. I know my kids and love them exactly as they are. I praise them for what they achieve and encourage them to have a go at and do their best in everything. But I'm not going to go spouting off to all and sundry about how wonderful they are when I know perfectly well they're just kids like any other.

Perhaps it's the mum at the school gates you need to be taking this up with frazzled?

I only slate my DC to the other mums

And that's the flip side, I don't like it when mums are constantly criticising their DC, sometimes in front of them, it makes me feel really sorry for the DC.

A1980, are you honestly saying that if, for example, a parent had a child that was really struggling at school and way behind the rest of the class, that they wouldn't/shouldn't recognise that their child is below average ability? And I only mentioned ability and height/build, I didn't mention attractiveness at all, only you mentioned that.

Well not really, because you didn't suggest that it was ok to think it but not say it! Total objectivity was the message I got from your first post which, in fairness is hard for most people to have about anyone they love; let alone their kids!

Well dd seems VERY bright but she keeps talking in class and is bloody stubborn. Not sure what to say really.

They should indeed recognise it OP, but not necessarily to you.

My mum was more than objective with me when I was growing up - so I'm fully aware that I'm not overly attractive or profoundly clever.

My children will be taught that they have to work hard to get on in life, but my DC's are the most beautiful beings I've ever clapped eyes on - and I don't expect everyone else to feel the same about my DCs, but it doesn't stop me feeling this way.

ZigZag, and say what to her? "You really are pissing me off going on and on about your daugher's height/build". Believe me, I do avoid her but our daughters are friends and she seems to hunt me down wherever I stand!

if it makes you happy to think they"'re tall and thin when they're more like Roland from Grange Hill, then fine."

Frazzled, you did mention appearance which is close. Roland was a very rotund and not great looking child on Grange Hill. Sounds like a comment on attractiveness if you're calling other peoples children fat.

I haven't called anyone's child fat, A1980. Stop trying to twist my words and read things into my posts that I haven't said.

OP be as objective about your own kids as you're suggesting; even in front of them if you feel you have to! That's your choice as parent, it seems not to be the choice of the people of whom you complain! And my guess is it wouldn't be the choice of most children either!
It's that simple, you don't like it, then don't listen.

But suggesting people feel the way you want them to about their children because you can't be arsed to listen to it, is perhaps a worse suggestion than mine which is listen to them witter on about it for the whole five minutes a day you're exposed to it and just ignore!

That didn't make sense at all

OP, just suck it up and don't expect other people to bash their kids (verbally that is). Listen politely, smile, nod change the subject.

Et voila!

Well you're right about one thing, I can't be arsed to listen to someone wittering on about their child. Not quite sure how that's a bad thing. I said earlier in this thread that I don't care what people think about their children. I'm just not particularly interested in hearing about it. And if, as it seems from your posts, it makes you think I'm some kind of wicked, bad person then so be it because I'm really not bothered.

I haven't said that I want other people to "bash their kids".

Good old AIBU! Always one or two posters reading things into the OP's posts that haven't been said in the first place!

Personally i do understand what you mean... Physically my DSD is beyond her years, just turned 2, she is the height of her 3.7 year cousin and is slim with it. However, i know you can't really tell at this age and i know kids develop differently, but i do not think she is that bright. She has no vocabulary whatsoever apart from names of those close to her, drink, chocolate, apple, banana and that is all she articulate herself. She copies very little vocab too. Is this me being unreasonable on her though?

Is it possible for you to accept that parents aren't and shouldn't be objective about their DC frazzled?

It's a special relationship, and once you accept they're looking at their children through rose tinted glasses it makes sense, it serves the purpose of giving DC the unconditional love to fall back on that makes them fly in life.

Not wicked or bad, no! Who said that?

If you don't want to listen, then don't. As an adult, you can choose who you speak with on a daily basis