to wish people would be a bit objective about their kids?

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

This is meant to be a bit lighthearted!

I go on a couple of other forums and have noticed that lots of people describe their children as "very bright". Lots of mums that I know in RL describe their children as "very bright" too. Okay yes some children are very bright, but some aren't. Some are average, some below average. Surely not everyone's child is bright.

Another thing I've noticed, online and with friends in real life is mums saying that their children are tall and thin, therefore needing a smaller sized pair of trousers for the waist but a bigger size for the leg length. Any thread about childrens' clothes on one particular forum I go on, you can guarantee that lots of people will say the same thing about their child. And yes, I know some children are tall and thin, but not all are. One woman in particular that I bump into on the school run most days goes on and on about how hard it is to buy clothes for her daughter as she's so tall and thin. Her daughter is slim, because she doesn't eat, but she isn't tall, she looks average to me when she comes out of school with other children in her class, certainly not one of the taller ones.

I know these seem like petty examples, but I wish people would just be objective about their children, at least sometimes.

cont. pressed enter too early...

Kids can have it all and i know parents see their children int he best light, but maybe a bit of objectivity is needed

I think if your actual Mum doesn't think you are hot shit then that is a bit sad actually.

My Mum still looks at me with her Mother Goggles on. I am 34.

It is what Mums do. Not my fault everyone else child is ugly and stupid in comparison to mine. It is because they are mine.

Oh but DSD is absolutely gorgeous :)

Of course there should be some objectivity, AgentZigZag.

How about another take on this - you did say it is meant to be lighthearted! Maybe the mum who has the same moan over and over everyday is just trying to make conversation. Maybe she thought it was a fairly safe topic of conversation that was unlikely to cause offence, anger or any other storng feelings. And perhaps she has such outrageous views on everything else that she cannot sway off the "safe" subject of the difficulties of finding correctly fitting school uniform.

Now if anyone can point me in the direction of cheap age 4/5 boys navy school shorts I would appreciate it as my stunningly beautiful, tall skinny genius daughter wants some...

No you didn't say "bash". But you aren't referring to those mothers of incredibly gifted children who don't speak out, but should are you?

Get some sleep and get a renewed sense of perspective about your school-run (my guess totally); it's not all bad and it's less then 30 minutes of your day.

I think your post was very funny op
The examples you used have come up numerous times for me also ...
I know what you are talking about and I don't think your post was to be taken all that seriously was it ?

Oh for god's sake, Chicletteeth, why are you taking my posts so seriously? What a patronising thing to suggest I need to get some sleep and renew my perspective about the school run.

I think we will have to agree to disagree; you seem intent on picking my posts to pieces and twist things round and to be honest I really can't be bothered to justify myself to you. It's like banging on a door that won't open and no doubt you will find other things to pick me up on.

Not really no. Your lighthearted statement does not mitigate the critical tone of your OP and if you don't want to be challenged, don't post here.
How is suggesting that getting sleep (at midnight) is a patronising thing to suggest?

Please tell me where I have picked your posts to pieces? I haven't even tried.

Frazzled people generally wouldn't take kindly to you saying that parents should acknowledge their children aren't all that.

I've seen several threads like this in the past and I've been a bit at them all. it would worry me more to meet a parent who did acknowledge their child wasn't smart, etc. I would wonder what the child was being told at home if the parent could acknowledge that to other mothers.

Worraliberty - my child's no angel ... no, she really isn't. See my thread - I just wish she could grow half a halo!

She is pretty though - which is a miracle to me when I look in the mirror - but we all know how looks can fade!

My dd is clever,tallish and thin as a pin.I understand the clever thing can be misconstrued, but the thin thing? I fail to see how it is something to boast about.Actually it IS a pain having to hunt out trousers to fit her and I worry about her weight every time she has a growth spurt or a virus and all her ribs show.Maybe those other mothers have the same worries as me? And so do mothers of chunkier children who end up having to take up hems all the blimmin' time? Humans come in different sizes!And we make small talk with other mothers to try and find common ground- not that much of an issue is it?

Well you're hardly taking your own advice about the sleep thing are you, Chicleteeth? There's being challenged, and there's people reading things into peoples' posts and twisting things round because they want to think the worst of the OP. You have done the latter throughout this thread.

Anyway, this is my last post to you on this thread, like I said I really cannot be bothered to justify myself or argue with someone who just wants to go round in circles and mud-sling with no justification. Perhaps it is you that needs some sleep and a renewed sense of perspective as you certainly seem to have taken my post totally out of proportion tonight.

Hellymelly, out of interest do you go on and on about your daughter being thin to anyone that will listen? I'm sure you don't.

If a child is thin, then they're thin. One of my children is thin. But I don't keep talking about it to other mums over and over again. I guess that sort of thing is what I was getting at.

A1980 - it would worry you to hear a parent admit their child isn't smart? Honestly? But ... the majority of kids aren't all that clever and it's impossible to kid yourself that a child who struggles is clever. It would be downright deluded to say to yourself, 'okay, my child is in bottom set for every subject, is really struggling with reading and writing and doesn't get how to make a cup of tea but he's really clever, honestly'.

Surely it's much better to say to yourself 'okay, my child hasn't been gifted with intelligence but he is good at this, this and this instead and I love him to bits regardless'.

I think it's fine to tell your child they are clever or whatever if you want to but don't expect them not to know exactly where they fit in with everyone else in terms of intelligence, looks, talents etc by the time they are 7 or 8 years old. I'd rather tell my children that it's doing their best with everything that counts and to be proud of what they are good at and not worry about what they're not good at, nobody is good at everything.

I guess it would depend how it was said manic. If it's an acknowledgement that they struggle with some things then that wouldn't worry me.

Well I hope not,but it has come up,usually when someone comments how she is tall for her age,I might then have a moan that it is hard to find her trousers etc.But obviously I move on quickly to particle physics.Or cake. Or moaning about lack of sleep instead. Maybe because there is so much pressure about childhood obesity around,people feel they need to emphasise that they have skinny minnies? We all want to feel we are good mothers after all.

Igive both of my children a lot of love, positive praise and appreciation. But I agree with manicinsomniac as well;
'Some parents need to learn to value their children for who they are not who the parent wants them to be.'
I am also honest with them, and they trust my judgement. Recognising their strengths and weaknesses and what they might be capable of or not does not mean that I am negative or dismissive of them in any way.
Yes, I'm a teacher and I listen to parents go on and on about their child's amazingness, it doesn't bother me.
What is hard is when the parent lives through the child and pressurises them excessively, or denies any flaw or weakness because it mars their image of the miracle they have birthed and denies the child help that they need. Or they make corrosive comparisons between their child and others.
That pisses me off, more than fussing about trousers or reading bands.

It depends.

I have no problem with rose tinted glasses/thinking your child is stunning/thinking your child is a genius.

I dislike it when parents can't see that their children are badly behaved in a way that affects others. I know one lady who smiles and comments on what a good boy her DS is as he shouts at and takes toys from other children.

YANBU, OP. All children have unique and wonderful qualities, but let's face it, sometimes they are little shits. Pretending otherwise is not a constructive or healthy attitude to have, and will merely end up creating bigger shits in adult life.

Unless I have misread, the Op is saying that parents shouldn't bang on and on about the great traits their childrendon't have, not that the should berate their children for the amusement of their friends.

Seems fair enough. If your kids has 160 IQ and you say actually DD is really very bright.. well you can't argue with that (although I probably still wouldn't want that to be the only conversation I had with the child's mum)

On the other hand if your kid is actually a bit thick... be aware of dd's personal weakness and don't bleat on about how bright she is to people... or you'll embarrass yourself and her.

It could be comparative rather than absolute though couldn't it. If you aren't very academic yourself then having a moderately bright child might seem fantastic, whereas if you are highly educated, articulate etc then your expectations will be different.

My ds is very bright. He's also dyslexic and a pain to teach. He's very thin (his BMI doesn't register on most online scales). dd on the other hand is very tall (wearing size 16 clothes at 10) and although she's doing much better than ds she's doesn't have his sort of mind. I suspect she will do better than him though because she applies herself and works hard.

It is difficult to be truly objective, and very few people are because to be objective you need lots of statistics and evidence which generally most people don't have to hand. And conversations would be a great deal more boring if people rather than saying 'oh, dd is tall' came out with 'I've measured dd and she is 5'1" which is considerably taller than the average child and I know this because I've researched and x authority states that the average height of an 10.6 girls is x, and I've mentally lined up all the children in dd's class and if you calculate their age adjusted height then she is considerably taller than all the other children etc etc'. That would be a lot more conversation to ignore surely?

Op you will be pleased to hear that I "get" you and what you're trying to say and the light hearted way you intended it to go

As the mother of two very bright, tall girls, I hear ya!

Well, I guess some of these answers are showing just how unobjective some parents really are.....

Of course we love our own children unconditionally and think they're the absolute best......but surely we recognise that in certain things and certain circumstances not everyone agrees with us.

The funniest (and also saddest (not in a way, the other more modern way ) are the "my child is 6 and can read 20 words from the ORT, should I have her fast-tracked into the AS Cambridge entry class??" No you numpty, she's average. I also have a "friend" who persists in telling me about her son's good manners. Thing is, I avoid this kid like the plague, he hits, he kicks, he thumps, but because he says please and thank you he's on some mad pedestal in his mother's head.

I think you also find that parents of truly academically exceptional children don't go on about it.

FWIW, all I've ever wanted for my skinny-waisted, tall, 10/10 in class daughter, is that she is happy. (and perhaps that she ate a bit more )

OP - your comments about clothing are bizarre!

My DS is the tallest in his school year. However, he could fit his skinny waist and bum into a pair of shorts made for a 2yo or even an 18m baby. He is very tall and very thin and it is very hard to find trousers for him! I'm not sure why anyone would make up a story about how it is difficult to get trousers if it actually isn't. It would be a strange form of gloating .