to wish people would be a bit objective about their kids?

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

This is meant to be a bit lighthearted!

I go on a couple of other forums and have noticed that lots of people describe their children as "very bright". Lots of mums that I know in RL describe their children as "very bright" too. Okay yes some children are very bright, but some aren't. Some are average, some below average. Surely not everyone's child is bright.

Another thing I've noticed, online and with friends in real life is mums saying that their children are tall and thin, therefore needing a smaller sized pair of trousers for the waist but a bigger size for the leg length. Any thread about childrens' clothes on one particular forum I go on, you can guarantee that lots of people will say the same thing about their child. And yes, I know some children are tall and thin, but not all are. One woman in particular that I bump into on the school run most days goes on and on about how hard it is to buy clothes for her daughter as she's so tall and thin. Her daughter is slim, because she doesn't eat, but she isn't tall, she looks average to me when she comes out of school with other children in her class, certainly not one of the taller ones.

I know these seem like petty examples, but I wish people would just be objective about their children, at least sometimes.

"I'm half-inclined to go through this thread and count up the posts which say things like 'but my child is tall and thin'.... Tall-thin-centile-trouser-based-boasting always finds a way..."

I couldn't agree more, Joan. I knew there would be centile-based protests from some...

And thinking about it, the centile-trouser-based boasting that Joan referred to is what I was getting at in my OP. Any threads like this and defensive mummies will leap on and protest that their child is on 1st centile for weight and 98th centile for height so surely must be destined to be a model.

I always think it is interesting that no child of a MNetter has ever started a fight either. It's always the other kid!

I have no idea what centile my girls are on and haven't since they were about 6 weeks old!

Try getting a prom dress nightmare for a stick insect dd. That's a laugh.

Yeah I am the same, Curryspice. I never could get into that whole "must weigh my baby every week and compare with my friends" thing. And yes, I agree about the MNetter children never starting fights. Perhaps it's because they're all so bright

Ah GiddyPickle (great name, btw), that seems to be the paradox... if you don't boast about your kids' abilities and even play them down a bit, other parents then perhaps feel secure enough to bolster your child's achievements.

I remember being told by my Mum as a child that I was "OK looking but not really pretty" I was devastated, I remember thinking if that's what my Mum thinks I must be really hideous looking, took me years to get over that!

Therefore I now reserve the right to be not the slightest bit objective about DS. He may have a slightly funny shaped head, and be short and skinny, but he is still the best looking, cleverest, sweetest child I know!

"what a wonderful parent I am my children are so lovely and slim"

I don't tell people how I can't get trousers to fit DS's round middle and his very short legs (my Dad's shape).

BELTS are not a new invention

Well. I had 3 tall and slim children. Now I have 1 tall and slim 8 yr old and 1 tall and ...not so slim...14yr old and a not that tall and not slim 12 yr old

And if I don't have rose-tinted specs about my DC who is going to?

Rose-tinted specs about your own child are fine, it's realising that others don't share those specs about your own children that is the key here. I don't think anyone on here has said that people shouldn't think their own children are fantastic. However no one wants to listen to incessant ramblings about someone else's child's supposed good points. We all love our own children, we all think they're the best but some parents take it a tad too far and think the rest of the world thinks their children are the best children ever too...

There are lots of things about my own children that I think are amazing or fantastic. However I am well aware that others probably don't want to listen to me talking about these good points over and over again. DD1 is very good at running and did really well in a cross country competition. I've mentioned this to a few good friends, but am aware that, proud as I might be of DD, they probably don't want me to talk about her running every time I see them. To do that would be boring, self-absorbed and IMO shows poor social skills.

Oh I agree frazzled. But it took me a few years to work out that the glazed look that came over peoples' faces when I was detailing the minutiae of my childrens' lives was not down to them concentrating so hard on what I was saying

I don't understand it either, my DS is painfully thin, eats like a horse and hates how thin he is or anyone commenting on it, I have trouble getting trousers to fit him and he would kill me if i told anyone that (oops!).

What I don't understand is why that is something to be proud of ?
Surely your kids achievements are a source of pride and very difficult to not boast about but their body shape is not a result of great parenting, dedication and hard work or is it?................surely this all leads to eating disorders in order to make mummy proud

Not really sure what you mean tbh. Do you prefer listening to parents criticising their children and pointing out their faults?

I would rather hear people being unobjective about their children than listen to my neighbour telling her 8 year old DD she's useless all the time.

I haven't said at any point, Quenelle, that I want to listen to parents criticising their children. I have clarified that already several times in this thread. However I, and several others that have posted on here, don't want to listen to parents going on and on and on about their childrens' good points. It's boring. Especially the same thing over and over again.

There are other things to chat about apart from children, in any case. I like to chat about all sorts of other things and not just which level of the Oxford reading tree everyone's children are on, or what size of clothes they are wearing. My friends share the same views as me, and we talk about a range of things. We certainly don't repeat things over and over again as some parents seem to about their children.

Reminds me of the story my mother (primary school teacher in state sector) tells. A new family arrived who had been living overseas and before their DS started there were many meetings where the parents talked of his talents in hushed tones. He was a genius, super bright would my mother be able to cope with such a gifted and talented 6 year old? Poor little lad started the school and was average at best - quite behind the rest of the children. When this fact was politely relayed at parents evening the child was whisked out of the school and sent to the private school in town - mother still heard in the village chuntering about her sons extreme brightness. How does this do any child any favours?

I don't think the OP has any problem hearing about kids' achievements or talents. I don't think anyone who isn't a churlish cumudgeon does

What she is trying to say is that some parents have unrealistic ideas about how talented / clever / sporty etc their kids are - the child who failed the 11+ despite being the brightest kid in the school, the kid who should "by rights" be in the football team but the coach is biased, the kid who sings like an angel who can't hold a tune, the kid who is a sensitive soul lways picked on when you know he is a little terror. That kind of thing

Of course, I don't have this problem because my DDs reall are the cleverest, nicest, most beautiful kids in the world

I love that parents see their children through rose tinted glasses.

But I do hate that parents seem to measure their Childs worth primarily by academic ability and/or sporting prowess.
And that some parents are deluded and think that bright child somehow = they arefucking marvellous parents.
Big dollop of luck.

Bright child does not mean happy or successful or rich adult.

I have a bright child and child with severe learning difficulties and an average child. Guess which is the happiest and who I expect to have the easiest life. No prizes.

The thing I am proud of is my eldest sons good sense and great work ethic, my middle sons happiness (which has been hard to nurture) and my dds manners and kindness.
But their (variously) short legs, poor organizational skills, stroppiness, inability to stop talking and ability to look like they just fell out of bed, all add to their charm

My son is medium-sized and of medium intelligence. However, he is the most handsome boy in town, no contest!

I don't care if I'm blinded by love. Isn't that a good thing? It means that even the ugliest children have someone who thinks they're gorgeous.

Ok Frazzledmum. I didn't get it from the examples in your OP but I see where you're coming from now.