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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend using same name for her daughter - five weeks apart.

302 replies

wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 16:08

So...my bub is just over a month old. When she was born my best mate obviously text to say congratulations and mentioned that she and her husband had picked the same name (Charlotte) for their daughter - giving the impression that going ahead with it would now be a bit silly. I have now found out that far from abandoning the name they are going ahead with calling their baby the same name.

Now I totally realise no one owns a name - particularly one so, so popular. If it were simply a friend's baby (i.e. not my best friend who I see most days) I wouldn't be as concerned. But it's my best friend...

So...AIBU to be concerned/upset?

OP posts:
FlubbaBubba · 21/05/2011 21:28

Oops, sorry, I meant Shock

scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 21:29

no,most people can moderate selfishness.adapt to situations,give a bit
you perhaps struggle with not positioning your self as numero uno

scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 21:31

you adapt your narrative as you go along
from nope never discussed names.at all.no siree
to maybe.aye.kind of
are you manipulating this to suit yourself?
aibu by stealth

ZZZenAgain · 21/05/2011 21:31

a baby group can cope with 2 Charlottes IMO

I would try not to say/do anything else you might regret and wait and see, maybe it won't feel as bad as you think now

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 21/05/2011 21:32

Also I promise the text I sent wasn't awful but it was honest.

OP posts:
cecinestpasunepipe · 21/05/2011 21:32

To all those people slamming into OP, yes she is BU, but she has only had her own baby a month ago, and may be a bit PND. Little things can loom very large when one is feeling vulnerable. OP, let it ride, and in a few months you will have this in proportion. Congrats on your own little Charlotte, by the way.

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 21/05/2011 21:34

Have a look back to the beginning Scottishmummy. Maybe I have a personality disorder then...or just more honest than most.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 21:34

good grief stop the diagnosis murder guessing
how the hell can anyone guess pnd based on this?it cracks me up when someone pops up with the mental health card as if that excuses every hissy fit

yes both are new mums.so both need to be cut some slack

duckdodgers · 21/05/2011 21:36

Have I picked your last post up wrong or are you seriously saying you wont be going to baby groups with your friend because she has chosen the same name as you?

LittleMissFlustered · 21/05/2011 21:37

How utterly immature you are. If you can throw away a lifetime of friendship because you're not going to feel as precious as you did five weeks ago, I really don't think your friendship can be worth that much.

Be petty, ditch a friend, enjoy being lonely. Or suck it up, realise that it's not the end of the world, and be a friend.

And before you ask. I had a boy, ten days later a friend had a boy. They have the same names. I thought it was hilarious, as we'd come to the choices without talking about them, but it cropped up in conversation just before we were due to drop. Neither of us felt the need to name-change

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 21/05/2011 21:39

Yes thats what I'm saying. I'd feel uncomfortable. I do obsess about little things but in my defence my husband is a reasonable person and he is livid. He can't believe it in fact.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 21:40

your dp cant believe youre being so mean?neither can mn

bubblecoral · 21/05/2011 21:40

Maybe she text you because of your silliness, not her own.

You won't be doing baby things with her now? She's better off without you in her life, and so is new baby Charlotte.

I can almost guarantee your loss will be greater than hers.

bubblecoral · 21/05/2011 21:41

Is there any chance you are winding your dh up about it and if he hadn't heard you moaning on about it so much he wouldn't be quite so bothered?

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 21/05/2011 21:44

Scottishmummy will jump on this no doubt but could she not have thought about my feelings?

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 21/05/2011 21:44

maybe dh has a point?

leave it, say nothing, do nothing and reconsider a week from now is my advice

scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 21:45

dont fret you'll meet plenty other precious tippy toes mums who all obsess about this shite too.and you can all complain and bemoan anyone who dares annoy you

only 5years til school gates,you will be in your element there

Teleaddict · 21/05/2011 21:48

Your poor friend. She has just had a baby, one of the most beautiful and precious moments in life and you have chosen to make it about you. No matter what happens you have spoiled it for your best friend by sending that text. It doesn't matter what she calls her baby, you are in the privileged position of having a healthy newborn baby girl and are seriously concerned about going to baby groups and having 2 charlotte's?!

duckdodgers · 21/05/2011 21:50

Look I can understand you being a bit miffed or whatever - but if you are prepared not to go with your friend to baby groups because of your feelings - effectively cutting of a potential support experince, Im like wtf1 I would loved to have shred any of my pregnancies with my best friend (she has 5 and I have 3 children) but sadly the only 2 times we were pregnant at the same time were in the 8 years we fell out and didnt have each other. Thankfully we bumped into each other accidentally and sorted out the past - it cant make up for the years we werent in contact and as I said I would have loved to have shared pregnancy and our kids early years together but I cant. Dont lose a good friend over this, really its not worth it.

YellowDinosaur · 21/05/2011 21:50

DO you know what when I first read this thread a few days ago I had some sympathy with the op as I would have been a bit dismayed at this. Even though I would never have said anything as you don't own a name (and ds1 and to a lesser extent ds2 don't exactly have unusual names).

But to honestly say that because of this your friendship with your LIFELONG BEST FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN LOVELY AND SUPPORTIVE DURING YOUR PREGNANCY will be altered and that you will no longer go to baby groups with this friend makes you totally and utterly unreasonable imho.

While you can't help your feelings you CAN help how you behave so unless you want to lose your dear friend over this then suck it up, have a rant to your dh / a big glass of wine / whatever you do to destress and then tomorrow go and hug your friend and her new daughter and apologise for being silly but you're just very tired / hormonal / whatever.

If you can't do this then I wish on you a whole load of baby groups full of little Charlottes and your 'best friend' is well rid of you

Greenshadow · 21/05/2011 21:51

This is incredible!

Your poor friend. Please forget this nonsense and just accept her choice - try taking it as a compliment.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/05/2011 21:51

Why in hell should she think about your feelings when you clearly couldn't give a toss about hers? You are in for a very bumpy ride if this sort of thing gets to you so much. There are three Charlottes at dd's nursery, you'd better start getting used to it.

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 21/05/2011 21:51

He thinks it ridiculous. When I'm going on one for no reason he is the one to reign me back in.

Right - this is seeming more and more trivial the more I post. It's a popular name. However I don't believe that everyone who has slated me are so Mother Theresa esque that they are above getting pissed off and throwing the occasional wobbler over something daft. But regardless - I still think what's happened is weird.

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 21/05/2011 21:52

But your feelings are irrational and over the top.

If you were being reasonable and had something that was genuinely worth worrying about, then of course she should consider your feelings.

But considering your irrational feelings over the name for her daughter that she is going to be using for the rest of her life is slightly too much to ask of any best friend.

loobylu3 · 21/05/2011 21:52

YABVU and melodramatic.
Charlotte is such a popular name. There are two in my DD1's class out of twelve girls and I know several others locally. Why should she change the name she had chosen to use for her baby just to spare your feelings? You could make this into a positive thing and the girls may love sharing the same name but instead you are choosing to be very negative. What a foolish thing to loose a friendship over!

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