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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend using same name for her daughter - five weeks apart.

302 replies

wellamI1981 · 18/05/2011 16:08

So...my bub is just over a month old. When she was born my best mate obviously text to say congratulations and mentioned that she and her husband had picked the same name (Charlotte) for their daughter - giving the impression that going ahead with it would now be a bit silly. I have now found out that far from abandoning the name they are going ahead with calling their baby the same name.

Now I totally realise no one owns a name - particularly one so, so popular. If it were simply a friend's baby (i.e. not my best friend who I see most days) I wouldn't be as concerned. But it's my best friend...

So...AIBU to be concerned/upset?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 20:08

your being churlish and selfish.call your pal
be gracious and recall she was there for you.

lou33 · 21/05/2011 20:12

i know two women who are good friends, and had their babies one day apart from each other, and both used the same name, and it has never been an issue at all.

cece · 21/05/2011 20:19

Honestly? This is nothing to get upset about. In a few years you will be laughing about it!

My DS2 has the same name as an old good friend of mine. She and I are both delighted we have such good taste. Smile

latrucha · 21/05/2011 20:22

In answer to your latest plea, you really are being unreasonable. Come on, she's your friend. She's just had a baby. That's all that really matters.

cece · 21/05/2011 20:26

I've just read what you texted her! Shock

Poor woman - I thought she was your friend! You really are being very unreasonable...

Charlotte is a lovely name and not that unusual. I could understand a bit if you had gone for a 'unique' name but you need to get over it.

Are you really saying a name is more impotant than your friendship?! FGS!

dreamingofsun · 21/05/2011 20:26

perhaps at some stage you can say something like, we are going to call her charlie/charlotte/lottie or whatever what nickname are you using as it would obviously be easier to have different names

EmmaBemma · 21/05/2011 20:29

"As much as I know it shouldn't as far as I'm concerned if she does go ahead with it our friendship will be altered. We are talking best friends here, from childhood - not some aquaintance from a mums group."

Christ on a BIKE! Are you seriously threatening her with losing a lifelong friend over this? She's just had a baby, for god's sake. Ring her up and ask her how she is. Forget about the name thing, you both chose it independently of each other, you both like it, you happened to get there first but in the scheme of things it does not matter. You're behaving like a three year old, seriously. It's embarassing and I don't even know you.

FlubbaBubba · 21/05/2011 20:30

You are being a bad friend.

Apologise now and welcome her Charlotte into the world as a true best friend would do.

EmmaBemma · 21/05/2011 20:31

"Your friendship will never bd the same from now on regardless of what name she goes with imo"

Actually, yeah. If this isn't to be the case you've got some serious legwork to do.

scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 20:31

quickly redeem yourself,blame on new baby haze. to hide fact youre being princessy and precious.and stop gurning to anyone who will listen to you

two pals
two new babies
both called called charlotte
really perspective please!put gripes aside.

UrsulaBuffay · 21/05/2011 20:32

You've pissed on her chips a bit then haven't you? Your best friend texts to say she's had a baby and you go on about how upset you'll feel. It would be different if it was a very unusual name, but Charlotte is not unusual (a very lovely name). Enjoy your baby, let your BF enjoy hers and stop making her feel bad at a happy time.

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 21/05/2011 20:36

In my defence the text was 'nice' but yes at it's core set out I would be upset. Who would be happy in this situation? Should I have lied?

I have taken on board all of your advice and it seems by the responses I am BU. I am going to send some flowers round and be gracious and get over myself - but I wouldnt be being honest if I said I want to be as close now.

OP posts:
latrucha · 21/05/2011 20:39

Sorry, but now Shock

scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 20:40

stop obsessing about yourself.the me-me-me rants
shes had a baby she doesnt need to know the minutiae of your gripes.nor should she care

the friendship will change if you cant move on and prioritise what matters

are you always so uncompromising and rigid

dreamingofsun · 21/05/2011 20:56

what would you have done if it was the other way round and your baby was born a month later? I still think this is not a great situation - you name a child so that you can refer to that person and its easy and clear. whenever you and your friend refer to your daughters it won't be clear unless you both use different nicknames. they will probably go to the same school and if you are best friends you and they will see a lot of each other. it will cause confusion.

once both your hormones have settled i would say that you are going to use the formal name or a nickname and ask what version they are going to use. if they are the same then i would suggest a variation for you to use for their daughter so your daughter knows who you are talking to.

its a shame as there are so many lovely girls names and i think since you cannot change your daughters name you are right in being a bit cheesed off

igetmorelovefromthecat · 21/05/2011 21:09

YANBU for being peeved but YABU for thinking that your friend should have changed her mind, if she had that name in her head for months and already thought of the baby as that name then it would have been weird for her to change it.

I wouldn't worry about it. Me and my best friend of 20 years have the same name and it has never caused any confusion or been an issue at all.

duckdodgers · 21/05/2011 21:09

Never mind the aibu or not - your friend has had a baby and you need to be in contact and see her etc - it doesnt matter about the name thing now, I would imagine she will be feeling shitty about it all to expecuially taht you havent been in contact since your initial text.

And who cares what people at toddler groups think, life doesnt revolve around them. Me and my bf have very similar names, we have known each other since we were 4 and we are now 40 - its never been an issue, not once.

scottishmummy · 21/05/2011 21:14

bemused people pandering to op.she has no legit reason to have gripe
no one owns a name.by mere fact op charlotte arrived 1st doesnt mean op has exclusivity

GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/05/2011 21:15

Wow, that really is unbelievable. She texted you about the arrival of her new baby and you texted a thinly veiled threat back? Shock. "If you call her Charlotte I won't be friends any more"? FFS my 3 yo is more mature than that.

I wouldn't mind if you had chosen an uncommon name but what is it, number 3 or 4 most popular name? So hardly an original choice on your part. This isn't new baby hormones, it's bloody madness.

Blu · 21/05/2011 21:19

Seriously - if you are now feeling that your friendship of so many years will not now be as close, you sound like a blinking bunny boiler!

You have this way, way out of perspective.

If she is very pissed off with you for sending a text like that when she has a brand new newborn, well so be it - who could blame her?

Look, your little girl is no less special because your very best and loved friend has chosen the same name.

Go and visit, then maybe the reality of the baby, this sweet gorgeous little bundle who will hopefully be a friend to your dd will be more real in your mind than the name.

Blu · 21/05/2011 21:21

And if she changes the name in response to you saying you were upset you should feel ashamed for having bullied / blackmailed her out of it.

bubblecoral · 21/05/2011 21:23

YABVU. Your best friend since childhood has given her baby the name that suits her and that she and her DH like, and you think your freindship should change forever?

Get a grip woman.

The only person that is making this something 'up in the air' is you. And it's very unkind and selfish of you to tell someone that has just given birth that you think her family and friends will think she's odd. You should apologise.

Would it make you happy if your friend chose a different name for her dd but then spent the next few years regretting it? Would you really want that for your closest friend and her child? Would you care if she ended up resenting you for forcing her to choose a name that wasn't what she really wanted?

sleepingsowell · 21/05/2011 21:24

Wellam - unfortunately you've been utterly and totally bizarre over this and you are clearly no real friend to your supposedly best friend - threatening her with your 'upset' at her choosing the name she obviously wants? that is jaw droppingly horrible.

Original poster
wellamI1981 · 21/05/2011 21:27

Right - It's a bit beside the point now but we did have the name conversation (she revealed but I didn't) so I know it's not been in her head for months.

Re. If the shoe had been on the other foot...a not so close friend had Charlotte picked for a girl and, thank the Lord, she had a boy. My husband was quite adamant had that not happened we would have stuck with Charlotte but I can assure this wouldn't have been the case - more because Charlotte wouldn't have felt as special in our little group.

Scottishmummy - yes. I am self centred. I do obsess about 'me me me' quite a bit but doesn't everyone to a degree?

I am starting to feel that the whole thing is too ridiculous to give head space to now, and feel quite daft. BUT I do think she is silly to use the name - and think she knows it, hence the text to tell me. I won't be doing the whole baby group thing with her now - but perhaps that was a bit of an idealistic fantasy anyhow.

OP posts:
FlubbaBubba · 21/05/2011 21:28

:o