... to think that because I can't see a new IPOAT thread I should start one myself?

[PrincessFiorimonde]

Especially as I want to wish CheerfulYank a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY for today. Hope you are having a lovely day.

And here is the patron saint of IPOAT playing Happy Birthday To CY!

Oh Mistress Hully, allow me to return the foul and besmirched literature I purloined from fair Rochesters britches. I fear my eyes and soul have been sullied my it's most unsavoury content!

...the children of the parish in my care are keening for my prompt attention at their toilet. I must away if I am to reach my bed by three of the clock

a (stern) welcome to all and a hearty (if stern) handshake for everyone else

leave that alone, Honeydragon, and avail thine eyes of my pamphlet instead, if you please

I'll take that for now, and deposit it in the recycling vessel on my way out, thank you very much

Castigate thyself not Madame! We, and Hully especially, are easily confused. I too did perform an advanced search looking for a thread of that title, imagining you to be in some difficulty, aside from your lack of cutlets.

Come, pull up a prawn gilt chair, and do browse one of MsMary's pamphlets. I imagine there will be dancing shortly.

MsMary, I believe the prawns were supplied by Rear Admiral Waye-Troze. He is a proud, upstanding man, and would never fource anyone irresponsibly.

And yes, InTimeOfNeedThread was my badly formulated request for LoveBatonSupport.

Am working on better wording skills.
And others.
Don't all shout at once. Or I shall be ensconced in the school room while others may partake of walks through the grounds with suitable young men.

Oh how I adore the Rear Asmiral! One meets so few of his peculiarly upstanding ilk.

I confess that I too performed the Advanced Search and would therefore assure you, dear (marital status as yet unclear) Fiderer of our good intents and willingness to aid thee. Pray sit down and partake of a posset. They are most restorative and will do you much more good than one of that bluestocking's deadly pamphlets.

The posset is most restorative and I am most gratified at my hospitable welcome.
I must confess to a slight puzzlement as to my marital status. I lay the pamphlet to one side and wait for enlightenment.

Ah yes, now, back to the marital status. I myself am sadly four times widowed, for I appear to have fallen only for soft-hearted wealthy men with feeble constitutions. Why, I have scarce spent more than my wedding night with a beloved before he was sadly taken from us.

Hully has an ongoing but poorly defined relationship with Mr Rochester. He, poor dear, has never been formally separated from poor, mad Bertha, who may or may not still be alive. Her advances were spurned by Mr Snow, but she has since enjoyed brief passions with Abercrombie (in a barrel) and Ephremelekijekiel, and his other wives.

Pag is forever entwined, physically and spiritually, with Captain Darcy Casuabon Henchard. He entwines himself with other periodically.

Gibbon was to be married to the Monagasque Ambassador, but we had to flee Monaco shortly before they were wed, after Pag performed a particularly risque set with her jewelled spoons at monaco's Got Talent, and I tried to poison the Ambassador.

What else...?

I fear my own pearl has never been what anyone would call shiny. Curse of the black pearl, more like.

S'pose I'd best avail myself of a pamphlet, then.

Are you all still arsing about in period costume?

Envy becomes you not.

Umami many thanks.
Inscribes with fine quill in silk-lined book: who is married, entwined, undefined.

Clutches skirts to self.
Gets excited at life awaiting Mlle Fiderer.

I fear the Lady Hully has led you all astray in my absence . Prawns are hardly becoming to the properly bred and her shenaingans with Brother ezekieiekiekeil are the talk of the parish.
And pag! Far be it from someone such as myself to spread malicious gossip but i heard that she was seen frequenting a most undesirous establishment. With a group pf bawdy wenches such as you have never seen

Ah, Lady Shiney of Diamond. Can I interest you in a small glass of negus before the first quadrille?

Umami - umm, yes. That'd be...nice. Thank you.

Ah, Mlle. So you are unmarried I hope you will disport yourself in a manner becoming your virginal chaste state? I assure you that whilst you may look demurely for a suitable gentleman (and fight off the competition), you will not be able to wed until the end of the thread for that is as custom and tradition demands (despite Umami's failure in the last one).

And how kind of Mistress Shiney to drop a calling card. She is reputed for her fine needlework and tinkling laugh and is rarely seen outside of church. Most devout and a fitting example to Mlle Fiderer and young Mistress Honey whom I fear errs on the side of the highspirited.

Poor Cheerful has a tarnished pearl and must sit quietly tatting her weeds of shame.

Miss fiderer, a new egg. Jolly good. A suitable gentlemam shall be procured forthwith although if that cad Major Captain Genral Darcy comes calling i suggest you hike up your skirts and flee, while casting prawns behind you. Why twas only yesterday He was displaying his weapon <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=xmoons.co.cc/data_images/redneck-pictures-51.jpg&imgrefurl=xmoons.co.cc/redneck-pictures-51.html&h=327&w=503&sz=39&tbnid=EMRUO-pp1oR5EM:&tbnh=85&tbnw=130&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dredneck%2Bpictures%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=redneck+pictures&hl=en-gb&usg=__HIzyMPZAKKP_d0k0Ec6hiIVJ0BE=&sa=X&ei=wdbnTeHUM8LQhAeCz5muCg&ved=0CB0Q9QEwAA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">and threatening my posset.

Perkins! A negus for Lady Diamond please. And could you try to keep the militia away from Mlle Fiderer for as long as possible - I fear the excitement of the evening may have gone to her head and she may over-reach herself.

I have been of ill repute, tis true. Is there no chance of redemption?

But Lady Shiney is teetotal - quick we risk grave offence. She touches nothing but lukewarm plain water, the same temperature as Baby Jesus' tears and eats only raw lamb kidney and grilled grass.

Miss Cheerful, there is a certain monastery-nunnery, high in the hills above Monaco where they offer salvation and chastisement, I suggest you repair yourself there forthwith.

A gentleman has offered the pirncely sum of six camels and a garden fork for you Lady Yank.

Ah, the monastery. An excellent spot for self-flagellation.

Miss Cheerful, we really should try to get you firmly betrothed to a gentleman of worth. You have been lallygagging for far too long, and there has been Talk. Hully, will you not ask your Lord and Master which of his guests might be most suitable? Is the Rear Admiral free, perhaps?