... to think that because I can't see a new IPOAT thread I should start one myself?

[PrincessFiorimonde]

Especially as I want to wish CheerfulYank a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY for today. Hope you are having a lovely day.

And here is the patron saint of IPOAT playing Happy Birthday To CY!

Paggy!

Take care upon those treacherous Spanish shores and look not upon the dark smouldering eyes of gentlemen that would have at your mantilla. Guard it well ere you return to our heaving bosoms and tread once more safe upon dear Albion's soil.

.

Ahaa!!

Are we on the move, dear hearts?

What ho, Fliffy? I am unaccustomed to having my pamphlets viewed with such enthusiasm, I must say!

I shall give you a selection of the most edifying publications, arranged thusly from I to X. What interesting discourse we shall have, over the course of our journey!

Samantha, my dear, I have tied some more with string, here, lest you have a few hours to spare. Spurn the [insert name of Holiday Book here- the last one I remember is Captain Corelli, which shows how long I have travailled here in Newington Green without respite] and take a pamphlet instead, you shall not be disappointed, I promise!

Samantha?

Samaaaaaaantha??

Devil take it, where's she got to?

Samaaaaaaaaaantha!

I was gone whilst everyone married off and now, at my advanced age, I fear I will never catch a gentleman's eye.

Aaaah you see lassie, that's what happens when you swan around in the New World with all your fancy talk of Doritos with no wheat. Doritos with no wheat...imagine. You'd be wed now if you'd just stayed here and not gone gallivanting clutching your fancy prawn, my girl.

I've learned me lesson now, honest I have.

Dear ladies!

My dearest Madame Pag, have a lovely time upon the Spanish shore.

See Fitzy! I knew this route would lead us to safety. Aye, the journey was longer than one might have imagined, but I'm pleased to see your vigour is not diminished by your long incarceration. Nor yours BeaulieuFfotherington. I'm sure the Captain will reward you both handsomely for the services you performed for me through the night.

I wonder where Abercrombie is headed with Samantha. I do hope he doesn't plan to introduce her to Mama. She can't abide headstrong women.

Oh Rochester dearest, I fear you lack your stamina of yore, we have taken but 72 turns about the ballroom and you look pale and wan of countenance. Perhaps the posset after all, and a tisane. Sit on this teeny gilt chair and I will hie me to the kitchen and rouse the indolent staff from their undeserved slumbers.

But wait! What foul shapes slip through the garden yonder? See how they hasten to the ha ha, I shall summon the regiment.

Do try to keep up Fitzy. Come, the ha ha is not so deep, and if we hurry, perhaps we can surprise Hully and Rochester by having a hearty breakfast made ready for when they finish their energetic capering. I know I am sore in need of a cutlet and some stirrup cup, so I'm certain that having been at it all night they'll be in need of some sustenance.

But hark! A reveille! What can this mean? Can that be a thundering of hooves coming from beyond the ornamental prawn fountain?

Errr. Gulp. Gasp. Pant. Trying to keep up, as one who has lost ye plot, indeed never had ye plot. So much scuffing feet, sulking, pouting and unable to join in despite string of vermin worn over the shoulder. Anyone need a flag waver. Here, over here, behind the prawn fountain. Anyone left for me?

Heeeelllo, pets!

Thundering hooves! neigh (sorry) tis just Cheerful with the half coconuts.Re arranges vermin provocatively and pushes Cheerful back in the fountain, playfully.

Peering in. Wont come in cos my boiler is broken so i smell

If you smell like prawns you would probably be most welcome.

oh my delicate sensibilities! what is that noxious odour?!

Hussy. < offers Honey a dab of prawn water behind the ears>.

Come, Mr Rochester, let us away to the chapel and compose a new catechism of etiquette. I fear the ladies have become feral and untamed and stray from that path set out by Baby Jesus, putting their very womanhoods, their shining pearls, the only treasure most of em have got, frankly, in grave danger of wanton theft and misabuse.

Wanton theft and misabuse. Immoderately.Bring it on. Rummages around in pantaloons for shining pearl.