to think mealtimes are a time for families to catch up and talk about their day?

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

this isn't a judgemental thread about not eating together - we don't always manage it, life intervenes and sometimes it's a question of grabbing something/stuffing something into the kids

but when we do eat together, we talk and it's one of the only times we get where everybody is available for conversation

my stepfather believed mealtimes should be undertaken in silence, he used to "let's have a bit less talk and a bit more eat" if an embryonic conversation started

the only sound permitted at "the dinner table" was him periodically roaring at one of us about our table manners

does anyone still do this?

Yes - we have had to introduce the 'pants on at the table' rule too! (again brought about by bare bottomed dcs not parents/grandparents!) The risk of dropping hot food 'on your biscuits' seems to raise very little cause for alarm!

HSMM - did your siblings not know about 'one cuts, one chooses?' - guaranteed exact division of pudding/cake/the last chocolate to the nearest atom, and no weighing required .

I think its a shame that some posters see not sitting round the table as a once a week "treat". Doesn't that give the message to the children that sitting at the table is a somehow a thing to be endured rather than enjoyed ?

As a child I don't remember any friends houses where meals weren't eaten all together round a table but I think its a consequence of different working patterns that nowadays its simply not possible for a lot of families.

Some of my DCs friends aren't capable of sitting still through a short meal and will wander off which I think is a shame.

One concept mentioned above is new to me - talking too much to eat, never in my house as the DCs are always ravenous

Urgh. Family meal times (shudders) . For years my dh has insisted on family meal times. He will sit and eat his dinner, not speaking or listening to the kids, until he spots a table manners error and then he suddenly comes to life.

My 11 yo will talk and talk, most of it not making sense, until he realises everyone else has finished eating and then he picks up his cutlery and we all have to sit and watch him eat.

My 10 yo will disagree with every word the 11 yo says and then move onto saying things that she knows will wind me up or doing things, table manners wise, to wind dh up.

Me, I sit there nodding at the 11 yos nonsense and encouraging him to eat, trying not to rise to the 10 yos bait and encouraging dh to join in with these family meals he insists upon. Usually I end up with indigestion.

I love it when my dh is on late shift. I feed the kids in front of the telly and then feed myself in front of the telly once the kids are in bed. Bliss.

What is it with all these misery dhs??

Why are you married to them? Kick their sorry miserable arses.

We do Hully! Hard!

Because of this thread I had a horrible flash back dream last night - all sitting round the table, being polite. sooooooooooo tense. I was SO glad when I woke up!

This is a lovely thread. I love reading about other families' routines.

I come from a 'no talking, no drinks, let's critique the children's table manners and then shout at them' family and so I have always encouraged talk at the table and as many drinks as you want.

We did get a bit slack about eating at the kitchen table, mainly after my youngest needed to join us at the same time as my eldest son moved back home, as we couldn't physically fit round it. We ended up sitting on the sofas, with our meals on the coffee table or trays, watching television (them) and reading (me). It was nice but, bloody hell, the mess on the rug

So I invested in a new oilcloth, napkins and crockery for the much bigger diningroom table and we moved our meals in there. It is much more friendly and the children love to sit and natter all together (even the eldest who is in his twenties - he's the one I have to ask to be quiet sometimes!)

We use the 'tell us a good thing and a bad thing about your day' or 'the top three best things that happened to you today' as a conversation starter. It's a nice way to get the children to talk, especially my two year old as he can sometimes get overlooked by his older, more talkative brothers and sisters

i do not think we communicate at all at anytime sad to say but joining this site as helped me see that its a must to communicate and what better time than over a meal

NoelEdmondshair
They only have to mention one thing, and it almost always spurs a conversation about it. The whole dinner isn't like answering a quiz
As others have pointed out, sometimes children need help learning to carry thier part of a conversation, listening or spreaking.
It means we get to learn about what is important to the kids, and see things from their viewpoint.
I get that its not for everyone

I agree Goody, we always did this when they were little, they needed something specific to get them talking and thinking.

I love eating with DD. We don't really talk though, she is 2, our conversation is limited to "if the chicken is too hot eat your peas" [shoves another bit of hot chicken in mouth which I have to fish out while she looks horrified] "no, no try the peas" [put peas on fork for her] (I don't know where the eating hot food obsession has come from, she was good about waiting until things cooled down before)

But at dinner we sit with DH and ask about each other's day etc. I am optimistic that at some point she'll get the idea. I have to push DD a bit because he is a shoveller, having gone to boarding school and also had to insist that everyone stays at the table until everyone is finished unless feeling ill/need loo whatever.

I come from an eating in front of the tv family. I always took it as a bit of a blessing in disguise as it limited the rows...

Sorry DH is an eat things as quickly as possible person.

We tend to eat as a family. Dh works late once a week and late on weekends occasionally so when he's not around I usually eat with the children and he eats alone when he comes in, poor bloke! I tend not to talk too much with my youngest dd who is 3, as she will prefer to talk and make up jokes etc rather than eat. But I do talk quite a bit with dd, 8 and ds 5, and we talk about what's happened during the day etc. Dh is a bit old school in that he thinks we talk too much at the table, but I think that's because his parents never had a table so he's not that used to "enjoying" the table experience!

I think family meals are one of those things where one's upbringing and traditions die hard - unless you're seeking to avoid repeating your past, obviously, like poor OP.

We always sit down together during the week, always, and on weekends we sit down for a cooked breakfast as well. I get very seethy if DH is sneaking a look at the news on his laptop over Sunday breakfast, even though DD (she's 2) couldn't care less, because to me anything except socialising around the table is rude rude rude. Likewise I wince at my Dad's house because they leave the TV on during dinner - in a different room, but you can still hear it.

I know I'm uptight about it. I do. I'm not even an uptight person, generally. But family meals, for some reason, are sacrosanct to me.

Love the conversation starters, I'll remember that for when mine are old enough to have conversations beyond "I got my food, mummy. Mummy. MUMMY stop talking to Daddy just talk to ME MUMMY."

Both DH and I love sitting round a table, eating and drinking and chatting. It's one of the reasons I fell for him - he is full of bonhomie We don't have a formal dining room but have a big family room with a dining table at the back of the room and thats we have family meals. 15 mo DD's conversational skills are somewhat limited but she enjoys eating and rubbing food in her hair and face.

DH's working patterns don't tend to allow much during the week but the kids have their meals together and I eat with DH in front of the telly later. It's the weekends where we go to town although as DH is on garden leave at the mo we are having nice family lunches together.

My childhood meals were often punctuated by rows - we weren't overly formal but whenever we were all together arguments inevitably followed. It's a pattern I really don't want to repeat.

Reading through this Im feeling very fortunate to have grown up in a home where mealtimes were generally very sociable and pleasant. As my mum had 4 DCs I cant imagine how else she would have caught up with all our news. Cant imagine a silent mealtime, how awful : /

My DH is often late on weeknights so often I will eat with the DCs then sit with him with a coffee later as he eats. We eat together all 4 of us maybe 4 nights a week, generally eating out once at the weekend and I love the fact that we are all together with no TVs, xboxs, or other distractions. My favourite opener to my DSs is often "tell me 3 things about your day" , they are 10 and 12 so variety of topics is huge and often (not always) it leads to a brilliant chat.

the ds's eat around 5pm and dh doesn't get home till 730 (so does story time aka totally revs them up as I'm trying to calm them down). but we all have breakfast together, the boys and I sit and have lunch together, and I sit with the boys while they eat. and all meals at the weekends are spent together (even if dh and I are eating dinner later) - I just don't want to eat at 5pm and the dh has his supper on his own and I'm hungry by 9pm again...

but meals are a social occasion - mum (for all her faults) was very big on this so that's something.

I?d like to think that in the long term we?ll be sitting down at our dining table having chats over dinner.
Currently we don't, for quite a few reasons, namely a) my dining table is piled high with toys, nappies, and other random gubbins as its in the dining room which is also the playroom/my office. b) I prefer to eat later than the kids need to (they?re ready for some tea by 6.15pm as they?re only little and are in bed by 7.30) c) I want to actually eat my dinner hot, and in peace, which I can?t do until the one year old is, ahem, more practiced with eating (another reason to keep him in the kitchen for the time being ? the food flinging). d) DH and I like a good TV dinner!

However the kids sit together in the kitchen at the breakfast bar and I sit with them helping the little one. DH isn?t usually home by this time. I?m sure we could pull it off if we really tried, but frankly, it ain?t gonna happen for a few years. I would looooove a big kitchen that we could fit a dining room table into. I think I?d make more of an effort then. DH and I could make an effort now, just for us, thats true, but we are TV dinner people and we enjoy it (we discuss whats on telly lol!), so thats what we do.

We eat together at the weekend, in the week DDs eat at the childminders, only DH and I eat together - in front of the TV. We do talk as well though! It was the same when I was growing up, we were in and out at different times but we did sit down all together at the weekend. I sometimes sit and have breakfast with DDs, sometimes I let them sit on their own little table and watch TV - lets me get on with preparing their lunches! In fact this morning DD2 had two breakfasts, an egg on toast with me at the kitchen table (freshly laid by our own chooks dontcha know :)) then cereal with her sister in the living room half an hour later.

stealthsquiggle - My parents were intelligent people and could probably have started the 'one cuts one chooses' rule (a friend of mine had that with her sister), but I think my Mum saw it as a challenge to try and create 2 equally weighted puddings by eye and my Dad through it was hilarious watching the debate while tiny bits of pudding were moved from one bowl to the other. I think I remember being so busy getting on with eating my pudding that I probably got seconds without them noticing .

(but then ... I was the youngest, so naturally the spoilt one)

My parents extended it to 'one cuts, everyone else chooses' (there was some complicated order in which we got to choose which now escapes me) - but then my father was the worst offender at taking the biggest bit