to think mealtimes are a time for families to catch up and talk about their day?

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

this isn't a judgemental thread about not eating together - we don't always manage it, life intervenes and sometimes it's a question of grabbing something/stuffing something into the kids

but when we do eat together, we talk and it's one of the only times we get where everybody is available for conversation

my stepfather believed mealtimes should be undertaken in silence, he used to "let's have a bit less talk and a bit more eat" if an embryonic conversation started

the only sound permitted at "the dinner table" was him periodically roaring at one of us about our table manners

does anyone still do this?

I do worry about the way some parents (not MNers) portray attitudes to food. You can teach kids to enjoy food: it's not damaging. If a child feels mealtimes = bad, doesn't that lead to a higher risk of eating disorders at a later age?

That's lovely then Hully, I like the idea that you talk and show each other things from what you are reading.......... you may continue

Diddl we force dh too

you are both gracious and kind, valium.

naw, he died last year

not many tears shed chez spider

I love family dinners with the four of us sitting making jokes and chatting, the kids are such a funny double act

I think it's sad more than anything, our parents just didn't seem to like us very much

I like you.

We all like you.

sod the narsty parents. Their parents were probably like it to them. Well done you for breaking the pattern.

I like to think so Hully

Funnily enough, recently we have been clearing out my grandparents' house ( where I was brought up) and when it came to deciding what to do with the huge dining room table, no one wanted it because of the memories associated with tense meal times.

thank you

Weird, huh? What battlegrounds they can be. People don't have enough wine.

Yes good for you breaking the pattern spider I LOVE the idea of you giving your kids a HUGE jug of water at mealtimes! Excellent!

For all my mum's old fashioned ways, I must say she got mealtimes spot on. Every sunday there'd be 8 or 9 of us round the dinner table, depending on when Dad was home. And my nieces still remini... hwo do you spell that word? get nostalgic over it.

Oh my, I actually started welling up over the memories. wtf...

It's all kept simple in our house, I say, you have to eat that amount of vegetables or you'll die. If they object, I say, well I'll cry then with worry over your health and wellbeing and then how will you feel? If they still object I say, oh just eat them so we don't have to talk about it anymore.

3 step programme.

Interesting topic. We are believers in family meal time and I love it. We have a DS(12) and a DS(2). Now that the older DS has his own interests and friends we often need to call him back for dinner, or give him a curfew. DH is more flexible about this than I am, saying that we should let DS play with his friends and have dinner later. Now and again I think that's OK, but I don't really want to make a habit out of it. As DS finds his own wings I feel it's even more important that we have that family time, with no distractions. It's often the only time in the day where DH and I can put on a united front on certain contentious issues.

DS(12) and I will often sit and read if we're having lunch together, which is equally lovely and makes a pleasant change from toddler meal times

Sorry, that was about the food as weapons/being forced to eat it bit.

Yes, giant meals here too, peanut. In fact we often have giant meals (no books then) and we play games like charades while we eat.

We don't always get to eat together. DH works shifts so there's only 1 week out of every month where he is home before the kids go to bed. I usually eat with the kids, when DH is working late he isn't always hungry when he gets home as he eats tea (also northern ) work. We don't have room for a table (tiny house, very tiny 1 living room) so when we do eat together we're all squashed on the couch eating on our knees, tis rather comical.

Doesnt work for us. DDs tiny (4 and 2) Dh doesnt get home until 7.15 just in time to read them a story. Plus I dont want to eat at 5pm thank you very much.

kerala nobody is saying you should! This isn't a thread to judge people for not eating together, honestly

just about the atmosphere at mealtimes

Spider my father was EXACTLY the same.

No talking at the table
No talking in the car
No talking unless being spoken to
No going to the toilet at night (I was once sick on my bedroom floor and didn't say anything as was too scared to go downstairs - downstairs bathroom. Cue in the morning much concerned "why didn't you tell us?")
No fidgeting, ie moving, whilst sitting
No noise upstairs whilst playing

At least mine had the excuse of being seriously mentally ill, at least latterly. It was shit though But on the bright side, if you ever want to hire someone to sit completely still and noiselessly eat a meal, I'm your woman.

I think DH family is a bit like this. We don't eat at his Mums often, but it's always very quiet. No one would say anything to me about me blabbing on obviously, but there's not much conversation.
And DH always eats his dinner quickly and then leaves the table.
We were brought up to converse during dinner and not leave the table til everyone had finished, unless you asked politely to leave.
I must have words.

Upbringing does have such an effect. Dh is from a loving farming family, but as they obviously lived onsite meals were usually eaten in a rush as they often had to get back to the farm. There was no time for chit chat.

Dh is still like this, he usually finnishes long before anyone else and then wants to start clearing away. We have been married for 22 years and it is the only thing which really irritates me about him. I know he can't help it but I just want to shout "slow down and enjoy your food ffs"

Luckily the DDs take after my example

FabbyChic - my parents were the same about the drinking thing! I also have issues about drinking and eating at the same time and have tried really hard not to pass it onto the children.

Stepson is 12 and normally eats alone as 6-6:30 is too early for husband and myself to eat. However we are all normally in the same room while he eats so do chat (as long as he doesn't talk with his mouth full). He also tends to eat different meals to us, we do occasionally make the effort when I can cook something we all like.

I would like us to eat together more often but husband often does a workout around 6:30/7pm so can't eat until afterwards.

My stepdad and grandad were both against talking at mealtimes so I too remember the uncomfortable silences.

Aw thanks I'm fine about it now, honestly. It was a long time ago and he was suffering severe paranoid schizophrenia so I guess his hearing was extra acute and he probably found the noise and movement of his children unbearable. And I always won musical statues, so that was a bonus.

Mealtimes in our house are somewhat merrier and noisier but I am a stickler for manners. I cannot bear the sight and sound of a noisy eater with their mouth open. Mine will probably be posting in 20 years with their woes.

I read somewhere t'other day that you shouldn't drink water whilst eating a meal because it stops your body absorbing vitamins (I think). It could be a load of tosh but I feel duty-bound to pass it onto water-quaffing-with-meals MNetters.