to think mealtimes are a time for families to catch up and talk about their day?

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

this isn't a judgemental thread about not eating together - we don't always manage it, life intervenes and sometimes it's a question of grabbing something/stuffing something into the kids

but when we do eat together, we talk and it's one of the only times we get where everybody is available for conversation

my stepfather believed mealtimes should be undertaken in silence, he used to "let's have a bit less talk and a bit more eat" if an embryonic conversation started

the only sound permitted at "the dinner table" was him periodically roaring at one of us about our table manners

does anyone still do this?

We chat and try to eat together but on the days when DH cycles to work it's difficult.
My parents were very relaxed at mealtimes, DH's were a bit more strict but the thought of no talking and no drinking while you eat is alien to both of us!
To the non-drinkers - if you went out for a meal were you allowed to order a drink?

Always ate together as a family when I was a child - around the table; same seats every meal. Saturdays were the treat when we got to eat in front of the tv watching Dr Who/Its a Knockout. I can't remember it being a silent affair (do remember DSis's face being dunked in a plate full of mince when she answered back my mum one too many times . . .).

We (DH, DD(6) and I) now eat together around 6:30 once DH or I come in from work in town and DD has finished her afterschool activities. She does have a snack when she comes in from school to tide her over. We do try to chat. We have a tv in the dining area but we do not have it switched on during the week (unless it is Strictly season!).

I feed the kids at about 4.30pm Mon-Thu. DH isn't even in from work at that time, so no, we don't all sit and talk every evening. But I potter around the kitchen while they eat and we always have a chat. there is definitely no 'silence' rule in our house. At weekends, we eat together and I love hearing about what's on my kids' minds.

When we were kids, we mostly ate around the table, Fridays and Saturdays we were allowed TV dinners. There was plenty of chat. I can't imagine eating in silence!

Going round the table, taking it in turns to ask each person what was the best/worst part of the day is just plain weird. Could only happen on MN!

This was always one of my non-negotiables. Even though the children are radically different ages at 17, 16, 13 and 1 we all eat together. We always talk at mealtimes. Staying silent is just plain weird and Victorian.

we always eat around the table... i've never known anything else to be honest...

a whole hat shop of hats off to my Mum who always prepared dinner from scratch for 4 kids and dad... she would feed us all as soon as the chippy shut at tea time (mum and dad owned a fish and chip shop) so not only was she serving, cooking and then cleaning after 2 shifts at the chippy, lunch and tea time... she would then cook and clear up after us... and then pop us to bed and then get ready for the evning shift 9 ish - 12!!! I have absolutely noooo idea how she did it!!!

so mum and dad were always working so dinner around the table was almost our only time together... not sure about conversation but it was definitely not silent...

as for us deffo not silence...basically consists of asking chn what fun thing did they do at school with dd2 piping up and demanding everyone listen to her!!! and then lots of persuading of eating up and ignoring of something 'nice' for pudding!!!!

if dh home late woe betide him if he's not sitting eating with us!!!! but on those odd days we might be a bit devilish and eat in front of the telly!!! We are soooo bad!!!! ha! ha!

DD talks and everyone else does their best to get a word in.

As a child we never ate at the table, it was always on knees in front of the television. There WAS a dining table but it was in the dining room and that room was "for best", only for visitors (including the man from the Pru :) )

I didn't want that tradition for my own family and 99% of the time we eat our main dinner around the table with lots of chatter about the day, I love it. When dh used to work away all week, on his first day home, once ds was in bed, we used to crack open a bottle of wine and spend the whole evening there talking about our week.

On the odd occasion, we'll have a kfc bucket alternative meal on the living room floor as a treat.

The world and his wife dined at my childhood home on a more or less nightly basis; every subject under the sun was discussed over the the dining room table, and the resulting debates could last long into the night.

Sundays were theoretically reserved for relatives but they'd frequently arrive at lunchtime with assorted friends and acquaintances in tow. By suppertime it had usually morophed into a party, and there was usually a willing volunteer tinkling the ivories on our old joanna.

Looking back, I can't imagine how anyone got up for school/work the next day. We must have had more stamina, or perhaps it was something in the water or the wine?

In contrast, our annual sojourn with my maternal grandparents was an ordeal by starched tablecloths and napkins, precise seating plans, and formal etiquette. It wasn't until grandmama had left the dining room that her DH and dcs felt free to let rip - in one case almost literally when one of my uncles successfully lit a fart.

Scientific experiments aside, I endeavour to maintain tradition whenever possible and any meals on the sofa are strictly reserved for the sick and convalescent.

We always eat together.
Why is it only my kids that seem to argue more than talk nicely at the table.
Sometimes they even throw food at each other

When mine were younger in the 3 to 9 yr bracket .... Getting them all around the table was hell. They are a bit free range and hyper and to get them to come and sit, then sit still without mucking about, annoying each other or being really rude about the food was painful .... Same level of stress and discord as a cramped car journey. I was in tears many mealtimes as I really thought I was a seriously flawed mother because as a family we were unable to sit and have a meal together civilly.... It just seemed a time for conflict and confrontation especially as 2 out of the 4 have a personality clash.....now tho all is fine...after years of marching moody/disruptive children out of the kitchen.....mealtimes are fine .... We have a routine where the children get to choose which bit they want to do in laying the table ... Ie forks, knives or glasses, .... So I just call out and they come bundling in to get the easier job first. Still working on getting them to wait to start eating until everyone has sat down especially the mother!! But the do not dare ask to leave until everyone has finished. They then have to clear, scrape own plate, cutlery and cups and put in dishwasher.... And those of any adults present. It is very rapid tho as they are keen to get back to playing .... So was thinking that introducing pudding would slow it all down, make it all more relaxed and pleasurable as it does feel like a fuel stop.

NoelEdmondshair how is it wierd?
It is a way that allows everyone to engage, it means the kids learn manners, conversation skills, and we actually listen to what is going on in each other's lives.
How would you purpose teaching these skills to kids?

We sit round the table for dinner, apart from saturdays when we sit on the sofa in order to silently eat and watch Dr Who

Our mealtimes were mostly spent with my 2 siblings and me debating who was going to wash/dry/put away, at which point they would start waffling about homework and generally escape. On the rare occasions we had pudding, they had to weigh theirs, to check they had the same amount (I was the youngest, so mine didn't matter). They were lovely times though and it was good to get together as a family. My Dad was a teacher, so he was usually home in time for dinner. Sunday lunch was always the big occasion of the week and was probably more social that all the other meals. We also had some meals where my Dad decided it was good sport to try and wind my Mum up. Incidentally, Dad never had to wash/dry/put away, because his contribution to the meal was to grow the veg :).

Same as alistron - all meals round the table except for the Saturday treat of pizza in front of Dr Who.

How people managed without the pause button I don't know. It is always at the most important bit that someone wants more pizza/a drink.

I like the best bit/worst bit of the day as it stops one child controlling the whole mealtime, and blowing one event out of all proportion.

we had to say 'may we leave the table'
if we said 'can', my dad would said 'well you can but i don't know if you may'

we spent a lot of mealtimes sitting in the hall for various crimes - sunday lunch especially was like some kind of japanese endurance test

i loved and love reading and still remember that bereft feeling when i was told to put my book down or stop hiding it on my lap

my own mealtimes are more damage limitation, 2 of my dc are still at the flinging food around stage, and the other one would prefer to watch winx club. which i allow, as we were never ever not once allowed to eat in front of the telly.

hopefully as they get older it will become more civilised.

As a kid we all ate together, but my parents talked to each other and my memory is that we 3 kids were rarely included in the conversation which mostly centred around the news nd political debates in the Guardian! To this day I will not buy or read this newspaper!

When my two were young DH worked long hours and in the week was home when they were in bed so I fed kids first and sat with them with a cuppa and DH and I ate together, with us all eating at weekends round the table.

Now it is just DH and I for large chunks of time. We do eat together each evening, but like another poster we often read whilst eating!

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile if the horrible spiteful man is still alive/in your life invite him to dinner and TALK, keep offering him drinks :o

We didn't have the no talking but I use to bolt my food down so I'd be finished before my parents started smoking. BOAK!

I'mEvilIt'sAGiftTiggaxx

Just read he died - I'd be tempted to have a noisy dinner party in memory of all those horrible meals.

Don'tGetMadBeEccentricTiggaxx

My DH doesn't come in til 7.30/8 when the kids are in bed so on week days I get the kids their tea but sit with them whilst they eat it and chat to them - I find chatting to them distracts them from fussing about the food they are eating . They both sit at the table, although we have a kitchen/living/eating area so it's not a big deal for them to "sit up". Strict no TV rule - have you ever studied under 5's trying to eat and watch tv together ? They stop eating and gawp at the telly - hopeless !! I eat with DH when he gets in although eating with the kids may be more fun as, at least I get more conversation out of them .

Breakfast is always eaten together after DH has gone to work (he eats at work) and at weekends whichever parent is up with the kids eats breakfast with them.

Weekends we always eat lunch together and then sometimes dinner depending on what it is, where we've been and whether it's a "big" dinner ie a proper cooked one or a snack (if we've been out for lunch ).....

I personally hate eating on my lap in front of the telly - the sofa gets bits of food dropped in it, you're in a horrible position to eat and nine times out of ten as I'm so clumsy I get it down me.... When we were little we used to do pretty much what we do now - I suspect when the kids are older and after school activities come into it, things might change a bit.

We ate in front of the TV (mum's choice of channel, always crap) in silence. If my dad and/or I tried to talk my mum radiated displeasure and would sometimes stalk out of the room and then start a row with my dad.

I've had to work hard on my table manners and conversational skills but now I love chatting round a table over food. I think it's one of the most sociable things you can do and very important.

We do eat in front of the TV a lot sometimes though, but it's when and because someone genuinely wants to watch something rather than as a way to avoid talking or play poisonous power games.

Goodynuff - it sounds awfully stilted "now Johnny, tell us the three best things that have happened to you today and then ask Janet the same THREE questions".

Can't conversation just evolve naturally when family members are together? And maybe Jemima doesn't want to list three things, perhaps she'd prefer to ramble on about her brilliant gymnastic lesson. Or maybe she'd like to eat her tea without interrogation.

Still, each to their own.

That's a bit unfair. Conversation doesn't always 'evolve naturally' and questions are a great way of starting it. The conversation can always meander off along less structured lines, but sometimes you need a kick-start.

I'd rather have had that than my own experience any day, and I'm pretty sure it stands people in good stead for being able to sit round any table and hold their own as adults.

I find it fascinating reading about all your meal time routines, just goes to show that even within the 'MN bubble' there is so much diversity.

My DCs are nearly 4 and 2.3.

When DH is too late home (3 days a week) I eat with him later and just have a cuppa with the children at 5.30 ish when they have their dinner. Every other day we all eat together at the table for breakfast and dinner. Talking is allowed, water is allowed. I am trying to encourage 'please can I leave the table' but do not insist they wait for everyone to be finished- I don't see the benefit of battling a 2 year old at the table while an adult finishes their meal.

Our meal time rules are no telly, no toys at the table, and everyone must wear pants at the table (I hasten to add that this was added due to bare bottomed dcs not parents ).

We eat out fairly often, probably a lunch or breakfast every weekend, on these occasions the children have to stay at the table until the bill is paid. This means we don't usually have pudding as the kids are getting restless by then. When I was a child we were only allowed to order one drink per meal in a restaurant- I will instigate this with my DCs as my DH guzzles his drink before the food even arrives and then orders another one. This would cost a fortune in soft drinks with several DCs!