to think mealtimes are a time for families to catch up and talk about their day?

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

this isn't a judgemental thread about not eating together - we don't always manage it, life intervenes and sometimes it's a question of grabbing something/stuffing something into the kids

but when we do eat together, we talk and it's one of the only times we get where everybody is available for conversation

my stepfather believed mealtimes should be undertaken in silence, he used to "let's have a bit less talk and a bit more eat" if an embryonic conversation started

the only sound permitted at "the dinner table" was him periodically roaring at one of us about our table manners

does anyone still do this?

I honestly think that I could not physically eat a meal with another human being and not speak! I feel quite sad to read about some of your childhood mealtimes :(

because of working we don't often get to all eat together - maybe 3 times a week? :(

But if I am in the house when the DDs are eating and I am not, I will sit with them with a glass of wine and chat

As for drink. Water and "splosh" are a free for all at mealtimes. If we are out and they are allowed a coke (shoot me we don't have it at home) I try and encourage them not to drink it all because it's filling

I mean, drink it all before the meal!

DC don't eat if they talk, they seem to be uni-functional. So I can perfectly well understand a demand of silence. If they don't eat within a reasonable time frame that creates loads of problems. When they do chat they squabble. I think DC would appreciate more one-to-one time with just me, instead of group meals (which we have always done even when they were ickle babies, eldest DC now 11).

I can definitely see the appeal of TV teas more and more as we get older. We already indulge in reading, or being on the computer during meals.

I'm quite shocked at not being allowed to go to the toilet in the night. Would your parents have prefered you wet yourselves?

Eating in silence?
Was this in a monastery??

we only ate round the table on christmas day and it was a nigtmare as no one was comfortable, ie had no manners or small talk. the rest of the year i was given a tray of food and put in front of the telly for every meal.

my husband comes from the other end of the spectrum and is used to every meal being a huge sit down eatathon/ talkathon.

nowadays- breakfast- kids sit at kids table at their height for breakfast in the kitchen, lunch, we all eat together at the big table and ds tells us about his morning at school, dd butts in with shouts of duck, me, walk, drawing etc, teatime at 6, all eat together, dcs lay table and help clear.

dh only eats with us at days off as he works double shifts, then i eat later with him, dc's eat at kids table with me about, but i am starving! waiting til 8 for dinner now is so hard:) and dc's want to stay up and see what we have got, try it etc etc.

we also do the 3 best things/ worst things about your day...:)

Evening mealtimes were OK when I was growing up. Lots of arguments chat etc..
BUT, Saturday lunchtimes were a bloody nightmare. We always had a proper sit-down lunch (pie and veg/macaroni cheese/whatever) but it invariably clashed with 'Any Questions' on the radio, so if any of us happened to ask for the salt (gah! forgot this is MN!!!) we'd get shhh'd out of the room, in case my parents lost a word of what some dull politician was saying.
To this day, I can't bear Any Questions.

I have my dinner with dcs at 5.30. to say I let them watch a certain cartoon(about a dog and some pesky kids). Its distracts then enough that they eat all the dinner without too much moaning!. Would like to eat with dh but he doesnt get home til 8pm and I would be chewing my own arm off by then!.

We eat together when we can, which is most nights. We have lots of conversation, which is started with a set of questions. I know it sounds formulaic, but it works. Person 1 asks person 2 how their day was, and what the best part of it was. Person 2 then asks person 3, and on.
We all get a chance to talk, we all get to be greatful for the good bits, and it usually sparks a few other conversations.
We have noticed that when we have guests, the nieces, or friends or ther family, they all like joining in with it too
I was at my sister's the other day, and DN (6) was asking her Dad what the best part of his day was

re: the going to the toilet thing - it was a no-win situation. I went the bed until I was 9 and I am sure it is partly because of the sheer terror of getting up, sneaking to the loo and hearing a roar of "GET BACK TO BED" or similar

but my parents' attitude to the wet beds was "she's too fucking idle to get up and go to the toilet"

I did go through a phase of pissing on my my bedroom carpet when I was 7 or 8

Honestly, it's SO nice NOT doing this stuff to my own children. It's very healing:)

OP, that sounds awful and terrifying, I'm so sorry you had to go through that

We never ate as a family when I was a child, apart from on Sundays at my grandparents' house when we'd all have a big roast dinner around the table, full of chatter and laughter. Those were always the best meals. Every other day we all ate different meals at different times, and never at a table.

DD and I eat almost every evening meal together at the table and talk and laugh the whole way through. The only day we eat separately is on a Saturday when DD has a B&B dinner (that's bits and bobs) usually consisting of cold meat, bread, cheese, cucumber etc of her choosing, then I have a takeaway when she's in bed. On Sundays we go to my parents' house and all eat together around the table - seems to have become a tradition passed down from my grandparents.

I make a point that we all sit down to have 'tea' together and chat. As we both work, its the only time when we can all chat together. If dh is working late then I usually eat with dc, on occasions though (if dh are having something that the dc hate with a passion!) I dh and I will eat on our own; but when dc are eating together, I amke a point of sitting with them so we can chat (dc are 16 and 11).

I do though rule the roost in terms of manners etc as my parents demanded them during every meal (although we still chatted etc!) so phones are banned, no one can leave the table without asking first, but I had to train dh about this as this wasn't the case in his house! The dc are happy with this and we have some really interesting debates etc over a meal

We always ate as a family (or at least mum, me and DB) when I was a kid. At the table, without fail - I think this is why I consider it a huge treat to curl up on the sofa with a bowl of something forkable, and watch the television. Plus DH hates it, so I only get to do it when he's away. :o

We almost always eat as a family now - sometime between 5.30 and 6.30; we only have DD and I don't like her to eat by herself, and DH is usually home early enough. Unfortunately she is a non-multi-tasking food-avoider, so chatting means no eating, and often means random meaningless gibbering as well (despite the fact she is a highly articulate 7yo, she doesn't half talk crap when she puts her mind to it).

I'm eternally hopeful though. Perhaps five minutes eating-not-talking (during which I would finish my dinner, have never recovered from scoffing-while-baby-is-not-screaming phase of life) followed by structured high/lowlights of day could help. Or possibly I am overthinking things again.

We used to eat together until DD was about 3. Then she started school, and as we had to wait until 6pm+ for DH to come home, she fell asleep IN her dinner a good number of times, and stopped eating much cos she was so tired. We switched dinner to 5pm for the DCs and me and DH eat once they've gone to bed.

However, we always eat together on the weekends. And yes, we do talk a lot! Mostly:
'Stop rubbing your spoon in your hair DS'
'DD will you sit in your chair properly'
'DS stop eating the wet wipes'
'DD you can't only eat the tomato sauce'.

We always have dinner round the table together, in the dining room, no exceptions - and with no TV rattling on in the backround. Breakfasts and lunches are whatever whenever depending on what we're all doing, but DH or I always cook dinner to be ready for when everybody's home.

We're not the Waltons (as much as I want us to be!) but it is good to all sit down together at the end of the day and talk. Sometimes (usually) it's about a load of twaddle but I love that we there is a time every day when we are all together, talking together, with no interruptions from anything electrical! And yes our teenager still joins in and hasn't complained yet.

I think because from when the DC were tiny I wouldn't let them eat anywhere but at the dining table or the kitchen table (for breakfast and snacks, etc), they have just got used to it.

DH and I both work from home, so we are around a lot, and always eat breakfast together as a family, and usually dinner too 3-4 night a week (other nights the kids have clubs, or friends over, or we go out etc).

I really like the family meal time. It's very informal. Everyone mucks in, laying the table, getting water (yes - we ARE allowed to drink at the table!) and clearing up afterwards. We have the same rules as others - no 'media' (phones, ipads, TV etc) unless it's a very special occasion (e.g. sporting event, or breaking news etc). Kids (11 & 8) have to ask to leave the table, which we usually let them do before us, as DH and I tend to catch up on things.

I can tell some of the DSs friends are uncomfortable to find themselves eating with us, but tough! There is one who regularly asks why we don't have trays to take into the TV room but I just smile sweetly and say we don't do that!
I like to think that our meal times are a big part of our children's socialisation. We always chat about stuff on the news (which might have been on the TV in the same room before we sit down). There's also quite a lot of banter and comment on things and people.

PS because we're not all at home together until about 6 I give the youngest DC a snack when he comes out of school. He'd never last until dinner otherwise.

we eat together if all home in time (~6:45pm - I just cannot bring myself to eat any earlier, and anyway DS doesn't get home until 6ish) - if DH or I is going to be late, then the other feeds DC (and I try and sit with them while they eat) and we eat later.

Yes we talk, to some extent, but there is a line to walk between "how was your day DD/DS?" and not letting them talk with their mouths full, and TBH it has to be a reasonably well-paced meal in order to get DC to bed.

Certainly no eating in silence, though - DD would explode if she tried to stop talking for that long

I love the idea of us all sitting around the table and having a civilised discussion...I think it's pretty much impossible until the Dcs have reached a ceratin age though. Mine are 2, 4, 5 and 6 and if I try to sit down and eat with them I invariably find myself shovelling (cold) food down in between fetching and carrying and cutting up etc... DH gets annoyed over the DDs pickiness and the DSs lack of table manners and at least one of us (often me) always ends up crying I find it makes things much less stressful for the DCs to eat seperately for now, plus DH often works irregular shifts and it makes things complicated for us all to eat together. I'm always there and talking to the DCs when they eat though, and we usually all eat breakfast together. Our lack of dinnertime unity does make me feel a bit of a failure sometimes but I'm hoping it will change in the future.

The 'no drink' rule I believe, stems from the thought that fluids would dillute your stomach acids and digestion would therefore take longer. I don't know if that's true or not?

We used to eat together when the DC were younger, but it's a rare occasion now.
They're usually out with their friends and wander in when they're starving and can't wait any longer, and they both have different curfews so there's little chance of eating together - and I don't want to force it.

We eat dinner together,always have done since the dds were babies.They are now 5 and 7 and talk so much that we say 'less chatting more eating',at least once every mealtime.Otherwise they'd still be eating hours after everyone else had finished.

The boys and I used to have breakfast, tea and supper together everyday while they were both still at primary school. The routine was completely broken by ds1 going to a secondary school a distance away. Now they game and chat together happily in the evenings, but the rhythm of one shared day in the old sense is gone. I'll be cheerful and call it a happy and highly disorganised teen years household now.

We always use dinner time to talk, but after almost dying choking on a bean tonight after DH made me laugh, I'm beginning to see the sense in silence at the table [in need of sympathy emoticon]

OP thats so sad, im sorry you had to go through all of that.