Some people will know this story as I have talked about it of board sorry. It's just bothering me and I have yet to decide what to do next.
Background: I have 4 children, all cocneived with a good job in family etc but whilst there still is empoyment DHs income hqs taken a big hit from redundancy and I am now a carer. Two of the boys are diagnosed with ASD, one has a non formal diagnosis (ie school say but no OT accepting referrals locally due to OT sick leave) of dyspraxia, and ds4 has just been referred for assessment for autism, I would say AS.
Was at Mums with 3 boys. Sunday relaxing in sun in garden etc whilst Dh took one off to see mates. Mum's a fair drive from us so unusual to get to see her therefore a treat. BIL walks in with nephew who runs off with my boys; BIL sits down but doesn't even look at me, fiddling with phone. Coughs and starts to speak:
'All benefits claimants are lazy bastards'
'I'm a carer. I didn't choose this'
'This country cannot afford you'
'I'm going to try and get work next year when the yongest starts school'
'We cannot afford you'
'The boys didn't choose to be disabled'
'We can't afford disabled people; they sort themselves out or fuck off but disability is a luxury we cannot afford'
'What does that mean?'
'We cant afford them'
he then launched into a rant about all the kids with 'rubbish dx's' (I know one via a mate, severe asd) at the school he is a Governor at and walked out. I have spoken to sis since on phone and she clearly has no idea but not seen him. Didn't send birthday card to him either but feel mean for it; bought one but it's still here. Burst into tears and was crying a bit for days after, what with shock of ds4 failing developmental tests and being referred as well. Wish i'd had the guts to ask him what disabled people should actually do or be done with, have gut feeling euthanasia was hanging in the air but not said.
This is my boys, his nephews ffs. I've known him longer than he has known my sister. He' not exactlys truggling- they work hard but have plenty to show for it. I'd understand if they were under threat of bankruptcy or something.
Haven't been to mums other than to do a drop and run since, don't want to see him. He is there a lot.
AIBU to just pretend he doesn't exist? Also tempted to put a clause in will that on no account can he have my boys if dh and I should pass away but no toehr family yong enough.
What to do?
Mum has also had comments from nephew about people who live in social housing being a drain on state; a drain that has given them all hours childcare for six years, 5 days FT a week for 5 of them!
Mum and Dad were mortified but are too scared of losing the nephew they did pretty much raise at one pint (due to sister's ill health) to say anything except that he's a wanker.
Thank you. Please no rants about fraudulent claims; I agree they are criminals. They are not me though.