Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DNephew on Wedding Photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?!

268 replies

Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 10:42

Firstly, I've namechanged as don't want to out myself incase any of the people involved are reading Wink

DP and I are getting married on Friday. DNephew (9) is page boy.

SIL rang this morning and left a voicemail on DP's phone to say that she thought she better warn us that today they are dying DNephew's hair bright green, as that is what he wants. She laughed at the end of the message saying 'sorry in advance about the wedding photos'.

I know she isn't joking. His hair has previously been all manner of colours - purple, pink, red etc.

So AIBU to ask DP to tell his sister that if his hair is bright green, I dont want him on my professional wedding photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?

If IABU, then please be gentle, I'm stressed enough already Grin

OP posts:
NestaFiesta · 15/05/2011 11:14

YANBU. The SIL is attention seeking by proxy. Make your nephew wear a floppy velvet bonnet. That should shut her up.

Not wrong exactly, but very bad form to dye son's hair green the week before a big family wedding.

zipzap · 15/05/2011 12:47

You need at least one picture of him if he does come with brightly coloured hair so that in years to come you can all go to his wedding sporting outrageously coloured wigs (am guessing you wouldn't want to turn your own hair green etc!) Grin

AuntieMaggie · 15/05/2011 12:56

Completely gobsmacked that a 9 yr old would be allowed to dye their hair as they wanted like this!

Apart from that - does green go with your colour scheme?:o

RunAwayWife · 15/05/2011 13:09

YANBU al all, what sort of parents let a child dictate what colour hair they have, also the child will end up with no hair, is it too late to not have him as a page bay at all as he will look stupid.

Really I would make it very clear that I would not have a page boy with green hair is it were my wedding

virginiasmonalogue · 15/05/2011 13:09

Just who does that!! Dye's their kids hair before a wedding at which he is a page boy. Is she nuts?

RunAwayWife · 15/05/2011 13:16

DNP loving your photos and your attitude

ChantingAsISpeak · 15/05/2011 13:20

It's your wedding, you paid for it, therefore you get to make the decisions about who is invited and who is in the photos. You shouldn't have to make any changes or compromises because someone has no basic manners.

It's not the same if someone is 'unfortunate looking', they can't help it. This is deliberate and SIL sounds like a cow - I would be tempted not to invite them at all if this is the way she thanks you for being included in your special day.

heliumballoons · 15/05/2011 13:51

Bridezilla YANBU. I think doing it when you know theres a wedding in which your DS plays an important part is a little selfish/ daft.

All I will say though is he does dye his hair already. How often is this? I mean - if say your best friend since nursery dyed her hair all sorts from pink - bleached blonde (and had done for 10 years) would you accept this if she was your bridesmaid or would you make her revert back to au natural - or would you not ask your closest and oldest frind on the basis of her hair colour?

DNP another here who loves your pictures, you look stunning. Your sisters are both looking really happy as well. I love the fact you allowed your sister to enjoy your day as much as you - and her smile gives it away that she is.

FWIW My mum made my DS take his glasses off for my cousins wedding photos as they made him look silly. Hmm Angry

CurrySpice · 15/05/2011 13:55

helium why did you allow that?!

valiumredhead · 15/05/2011 14:14

Ds's school wouldn't allow green hair, no way!!! The kids have a battle to have longer than normal cropped Shock

What sort of person lets a 9 year old have green dyed hair ffs?!

Mx5s · 15/05/2011 14:24

YANBU you hopefully only do this once and you are entitled to have it the way you wish to, he has all the time in the world to dye his hair.

But If I were you I would not make a big issue, select the photo's he will be in and then when showing them to everyone make a point of saying oh yes and that is my nephew with the green hair, he feels like he has to be noticed. She can't say anything to that! sounds true!

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2011 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 15/05/2011 14:50

Just to reassure you a bit. If I went to a wedding and one of the pages/bridesmaids had green hair it would occupy me a little, but I would still be more interested in the bride and groom, both during the ceremony and the reception. Of course, I'd ask the child about his green hair - I'd probably tell him how fab it was (truthfully too) - but it wouldn't hijack the wedding for me.

2rebecca · 15/05/2011 16:18

YANBU. If he is too immature to wait a week before dying his hair green then he is too immature to be a pageboy. His parents are being stupid. They could easily tell him to wait a week and should do. This is a good reason not to have young relatives as bridesmaids/ pageboys etc and just choose relatives and friends you can trust to be sensible.
If he was just attending the wedding then YABU, but if his mum knows he is being a page boy she is stupid and nasty to contemplate dying his hair green just before your wedding.

onceamai · 15/05/2011 18:31

Why did you ask him to be a page boy in the fist place if you know he is allowed to regularly dye his hair? YANBU - and you wouldn't be unreasonable if you put your foot down and said if his hair is green on the day, he forfeits the right to be your page boy. Have to say when my 9 year old was asked to be a page boy he asked if he would have to wear a costume of some sort and said I'd really rather not thank you but attended tjhe

pingu2209 · 15/05/2011 18:35

When my brother got married when I was 14 I had my hair cut from shoulder length to crop, elphin look. My SIL went nutty! My hair flowers didn't got etc.

YANBU! I would say that it was unfair of him to do so and ask that he isn't in the photos or a page boy.

A1980 · 15/05/2011 19:50

What if it was an adult guest who decided to dye their hair green?

Would you bar them from the photos too?

ChippingIn · 15/05/2011 19:58

A1980 - he's not a 'guest' he's a 'page boy' - so yes, if one of the adult wedding party decided to dye their hair green a few days before the wedding I would be pissed off and yes, they would be in less photos - if still in the wedding party at all. IF it was a hair dressing cock-up or it had to be done for work or something important then I'd probably live with it and get some B&W photos! But if they did it by choice it would show the same lack of respect.

Regular guest - dye your hair into a rainbow if it floats your boat!

Domesticbodess · 15/05/2011 20:02

She is BU for allowing him to have green hair! Make your views clear to the photographer and let him take some with him in and plenty without so you can take your pick.

A1980 · 15/05/2011 20:11

I do think the mother is being silly for allowing a 9 year old to dye his hair silly colours. My mum would nover have allowed it. A 9 year old has no money and therefore couldn't buy it themsleves so in this instnace no would mean no from the mother.

But seeing that he is being allowed to do it, I don't know. I see the point that he'll look a little daft but as for spoiling all the photos, that's a little harsh.

Look at the Royal wedding. One little bridesmaid scowled and had her hands over her ears for every single photo and she was right next to Kate on the balcony and therefore visible in every photo. The other little bridesmaid was scared of the crowds when she was in the carriage so Prince Harry had a contingency plan in case of upset. He had a bright pink wiggly worm which he gave to her and then she wouldn't give it up. She's holding it up in the official portraits! These little things show real character rather than just everyone having cheesecake grins.

I don't know. Must everything be so picture perfect these days. Perhaps in a couple of decades time the bride will think it's sweet. But her wedding, her call I guess.

ChippingIn · 15/05/2011 20:27

A1980 - those little girls were 3 & 4 - acting age approriately - well, actually - being incredibly, amazingly well behaved considering what most 3/4 year olds would be like in front of that many people and cameras!!!

Green hair is going to stand out like dogs balls in every photo - it will draw your eye and the photos wont be at all harmonious. Long hair/shaved head/reasonably natural colour dye job even if drastically different to the persons own colour - all 'ok' still kind of blend in - but not GREEN.

ChippingIn · 15/05/2011 20:28

He's not a scared tot - he's a 'trying to be noticed' 9 year old who should have been manners and his parents certainly should.

...and as I said earlier, it was more the SIL's shitty gloating attitude that would have pissed me off!

A1980 · 15/05/2011 20:32

I know. The SIL was a complete bitch. Her son is probably behaving just like his mother. Grin

FriedSpamButty · 15/05/2011 21:33

No OP YANBU. That is a twatty thing to do. My DM made me have my trendy spiky hair flattened down when we went to a family wedding when I was about 13 in 1980 something as she thought I would look ridiculous on the photos.

But I would also like to say DoubleNegativePanda how you let your DS take on such a wonderful role on your wedding day is one of the loveliest things I have ever heard. And your photos are beautiful. Everyone should have a sister like you!

PumpkinSnatch · 15/05/2011 21:41

YABU imo. I assume your nephew is a loved member of your family - do you really want him missing from your photos because of unconventional hair? If you are that bothered I'm sure you can get the photographer to change it to his natural colour when he's mastering the photos. His parents are also BU letting him dye his hair so young but that is a separate issue.

Swipe left for the next trending thread