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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DNephew on Wedding Photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?!

268 replies

Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 10:42

Firstly, I've namechanged as don't want to out myself incase any of the people involved are reading Wink

DP and I are getting married on Friday. DNephew (9) is page boy.

SIL rang this morning and left a voicemail on DP's phone to say that she thought she better warn us that today they are dying DNephew's hair bright green, as that is what he wants. She laughed at the end of the message saying 'sorry in advance about the wedding photos'.

I know she isn't joking. His hair has previously been all manner of colours - purple, pink, red etc.

So AIBU to ask DP to tell his sister that if his hair is bright green, I dont want him on my professional wedding photos? Or am I being a bridezilla?

If IABU, then please be gentle, I'm stressed enough already Grin

OP posts:
Booandpops · 14/05/2011 16:15

Black and White is the way forward. As a wedding photogrPher myself I'd totally understand if the bride asked this to be done. Yr Sil is being very unfair A pageboy won't be in all the pics anyway and the ones he is in can be altered to b&w or sepia tone. If your photographer is able he nY be able to tone down the colour in colour on Photoshop. It's pretty easy standard stuff for a professional.

Plasticandpaste · 14/05/2011 16:17

Tell the photographer to leave him out of the photos, regardless of the hair colour he turns up with. You have enough on your plate without worrying about your nephew's hair/SIL's attitude/etc. So let the photographer worry for you - give him or her strict guidelines and leave it up to photographer how that is accomplished. Then just push it out of your overcrowded bride-brain and enjoy the rest of the day!

SauvignonBlanche · 14/05/2011 16:18

YANBU to be upset, I'm glad they're not going to.

GothAnneGeddes · 14/05/2011 16:43

I can see your point a bit, but at the same time, I think you'd be better not giving SIL the pleasure of a big reaction.

DNP, what a lovely story. Smile.

Original poster
Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 18:00

I guarantee that, unfortunately, this is not a wind-up.

If it was, I'd have said 'SIL is dying DN's hair green, this is surely child abuse, AIBU to ring SS' - that would have gained a far bigger outcry Grin

And yes, I've name changed because if SIL is a poster/lurker on here then I really dont give a monkeys fanjo if she reads this - afterall, she will realise that it is her BU and not me Wink - but I really dont want her searching my other posts and finding posts about congealed gussets intimate/embarassing things!

DNP, I heart your photos, absolutely brilliant!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridezilla2011 · 14/05/2011 18:02

Oh, and yes the school obviously do allow it. It's a primary school and doesnt have a uniform at all, the children go in their own clothes (not sure if that makes a difference to hair policy or not)

OP posts:
worraliberty · 14/05/2011 18:03

I still can't believe the school thing at all but fair enough if it's not a wind up.

5Foot5 · 14/05/2011 18:04

I agree with WhereYouLeftIt - it's not just the photos it is the fact that he is attention seeking on what should be your big day and his stupid parents are encouraging this.

A few posters have suggested one or two "comedy" shots with him but I heartily disagree as that would be just rewarding him for his silliness.

Definitely noy bridezilla on this one IMO

GnomeDePlume · 14/05/2011 18:56

DNP I think what you did was wonderful.

OP - I think your SiL is simply attention seeking. If your SiL is so self-centred I wouldnt be surprised if she were to try some other silly stunt. Do you have anyone amongst the ushers who can be trusted to make decisions on the day?

  • SiL's party are dressed normally then escort to the front and position DN on the pageboy's mark
  • SiL's party dressed like elves or whatever then show them to row Z

This way it isnt you dealing with the stress on the day.

lalalonglegs · 14/05/2011 18:58

I'd recommend completely ignoring whatever hair colour he turns up with (and forewarning all other guests to say nothing more than a vague "very nice" if he demands an opinion) and then having any photo featuring him photoshopped so that he has his natural hair colour. Don't reward his attention seeking or his parents' perceived alternativeness Hmm.

Blu · 14/05/2011 19:02

I have just checked all the policies at DS's school - nothing about hair colour!

I don't think him wishing to dye his hair is silly or unreaonable per se - plenty of girls are indulged with earrings, jewellry, various hairstyles and even make up by 9 years.

But it is unreasonable to think that it might be appropriate as a page boy unless the bride and groom think otherwise, and I wouldn't let DS do it.

Acekicker · 14/05/2011 19:04

Love the Hobbit photos!

It sounds like attention seeking of the highest order to me - I think the photos are less of a deal than the 'entrance of the Bride' moment when even the worst Bridezilla in the world (which you're not by the sounds of it) deserves to have all eyes on her and the guests oohing and aahing over the loveliness....that won't happen if everyone is staring at the page-boy thinking 'wtf'. I'd say he can have green hair (or if he now turns up with purple hair and your bitch of a SIL says 'but you said no green', any other colour hair) but he doesn't get to walk down the aisle with you, he can join the bridal party for a couple of B&W photos and 1 colour one and then for years to come you can rejoice in everyone knowing your SIL is a twat when you show them your wedding pics.

SpringHeeledJack · 14/05/2011 19:14

Bloody ell! Maybe I missed a crucial piece of info (only read first and last page) and appear to be in a minority, but I wouldn't give a shit, me

but then I am a home educator Wink

seriously, though, I would expect everyone looking at the photos to be feasting their eyes solely on my beauty, not to mention my enormous tits. The green haired child would just be so much camera fodder, and be ignored, along with everyone else

Balsam · 14/05/2011 19:30

Well, I think YABU. A wedding is about the commitment you are making to each other, surrounded by your loved ones, not about having perfect-looking photos. Who gives a shit what he looks like? Isn't he a page boy because you love him and wanted him involved in your ceremony, rather than what he looks like? Your photos should be a record of the event, not a beauty parade with unsuitable people airbrushed out.

I agree your SIL is probably doing it to annoy you but you know what? If you take the attitude I describe above, she won't succeed and you'll have a less stressful time all round.

smallwhitecat · 14/05/2011 19:38

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herbietea · 14/05/2011 20:12

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FanjoForTheMusic · 14/05/2011 20:15

DNP, how soon before the wedding did your sister's interpretation of 'ring bearer' become apparent? I'd love to think you just looked back down the aisle behind you and saw Bilbo Baggins on her way. Grin

On the green hair subject, didn't it occur to you before that he might do this, if he's dyed his hair a lot before?

DoubleNegativePanda · 14/05/2011 20:40

Fanjo Sorry to burst your bubble but my mother did call me several months before the wedding and say "Er...You know how your sister is a ring bearer? And how often she watches that Hobbit cartoon? Erm....I asked her if she wanted to wear a dress in the wedding and she said 'Mom! Frodo doesn't wear a dress!'. Do you want me to set her straight?"

I asked DH how he felt about a hobbit and he said "Well, we've already got dwarves (his brothers) in the wedding. A hobbit is natural. Now we need an elf.". We never did convince anyone to wear pointy ears though.

So I called my mom back and told her to start looking for a cloak.

OP, thank you for not being outwardly annoyed by my hobbit hijacking of your thread!

Jonnyfan · 14/05/2011 20:46

Green hair ffs???? NO NO NO and that's NO to being a pageboy- everyone will be looking at the hair- and NOOOO photos. How very selfish they are!

GnomeDePlume · 14/05/2011 20:46

DNP respect to your sister. My DH is a keen Tolkien fan and really rates the cartoon version. Your sister got Frodo down to a T.

Ilythia · 14/05/2011 20:52

I think you are being a total bridezilla, but clearly I am alone in this.

FanjoForTheMusic · 14/05/2011 20:54

Getting my Bilbo confused with my Frodo. Blush
Apologies OP for perpetuating the unintended hijack!

pigletmania · 14/05/2011 21:03

YANBU why th hell does a mother dye her child's hair like that its ludricous, she does not sound much of a parent if she can't say no.

YABU as from years to come you will probably look back and laugh. My twin nephew and niece came to my wedding 7 years ago with orange hair (they were in their teens so dyed it themselves), I was like Shock but did not really affect me, I look back at my wedding photos with a smile despite the orange hair.

pigletmania · 14/05/2011 21:04

They looked like that Jonny Rotton and they dressed all punk like too for the wedding lol

ReindeerBollocks · 14/05/2011 21:07

Photo shop will be your friend.

I fear that this isn't going to be the last you'll encounter of this - expect a funny hair colour.

Good luck for Friday, I hope you have a great day.