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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dismayed at the increasing number of pregnant women I see smoking

305 replies

likingthespring · 13/05/2011 15:37

I used to notice the odd one or two but I've seen loads recently. Maybe it's not that there's more women smoking in pregnancy but just more not giving a shit what people think.

OP posts:
Original poster
likingthespring · 13/05/2011 22:54

MrsFlittersnoop - your figures are encouraging and fwiw I wasn't sneering at anyone - just feeling sadened and wanted to talk about it which is what I thought MN was for.

OP posts:
K999 · 13/05/2011 22:54

Because I know it's detrimental to my health. And it costs a fortune.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/05/2011 22:55

... time for the kettle to have a colour change, I think... Grin

handsomeharry · 13/05/2011 22:57

Fair enough K999. Thanks for answering.

pink4ever · 13/05/2011 22:57

lying-when you are pregnant you give up the right to "personal choice" because you are responsible for making a choice for a person who relies on you solely for that purpose.
I am heading to shops tomorrow for new pants-have worn all my judgy ones out on this thread tonight.

BertieBasset · 13/05/2011 22:57

No I wouldn't start a thread, but neither would I defend someone's right to smoke with a baby, or while pregnant. And I'm an ex smoker.

My father smoked very heavily when we were kids, and no I don't judge him. I don't think he was fully aware of the risks and me and my siblings seem to have no lasting effects.

My cousin on the other hand always resented his mother for smoking when she was pregnant because he was born early, had to have a blood transfusion and is only 5ft2. I have no idea whether his situation would have been the same had my aunt not smoked, but it certainly effected their relatinship. And if I were my aunt that would be some serious guilt I would have. Particularly as the child she had before my cousin was still born.

But she still took the risk. That I don't understand.

pink4ever · 13/05/2011 23:03

Night all. Thanks for the bunfight-really livened up my friday evening. I think I will actually judge women who smoke during pregnancy more now as not one smoker on here came up with a good enough excuse for their shitty behaviourGrin.

handsomeharry · 13/05/2011 23:06

Night pink - totally agree with you.

fastedwina · 13/05/2011 23:06

I did resent my mum for chain smoking through her pregnancies and sitting feeding her newborns with a fag in her hand and probably blowing the smoke in their faces. I often had very bad colds/coughs as a child. I hated, hated her smoking - the smell, the way it would make me want to throw up, the way it stung and made my eyes water, the way I stank of fag smoke, she even burned a fag hole in my veil for my first communion before we had even left the house. I hated having to do long car journeys where she would smoke the entire journey, or how we had to sit in the smoking section on buses, flights etc. I hated when i was little and i first started to cry and worry that the fags would kill her to young. I then nursed her in the end stages of lung cancer ( my young children will never remember her as her time came to early) and sit holding her as she took her last breaths.

I loved my mum very much but the resentment was there and did affect our relationship to a degree. Don't be a fool if you think your smoking does no harm. Just the perspective of a child of a smoker.

usualsuspect · 13/05/2011 23:24

I can't even remember what my mum did when I was a child except that she loved me and looked after me

fastedwina · 13/05/2011 23:29

i do have issues over it or did as she is now dead - i truly hated smoking ever since I can remember and often wondered if her fags came before us or sometimes that's how it seemed.

Glad you have no issues, that's how it should be. I don't smoke but maybe my kids will have different issues with me, as like my mother, I'm not perfect.

MrsFlittersnoop · 14/05/2011 01:22

I have recently spent time with a friend with breast cancer, who who hates her mum for dying of breast cancer at the age of 45. She blames her because she didn't breast-feed (she was a totally unsupported mum in the 1970s)

I know this is crap.

But no-one else in the family died of breast cancer, so my friend thinks that's the only reason her DM died. She also believes eating dairy and wheat gives you cancer. And will make your DC die of cancer too. And gives your DGC cancer as well.

MrsFlittersnoop · 14/05/2011 01:35

But the irony is - she didn't BF either. And she smokes. Her DM smoked.

Neither of her adult DC smoke, even though she did.

Go figure.

Has she got cancer beause she is a skanky smoking ho?

Or is she just unkucky.

Well, she has an incredibly rare form of cancer - fewer than 40 cases ever reported.

Not remotely smoking or BF related.

hairfullofsnakes · 14/05/2011 06:30

Pink - I agree that lying wrote a completely patronising reply to you

I mean seriously - how utterly patronising lying - I'm sure the reason many people object to smoking when pg is because it is selfish, wrong, harmful
Etc etc - please don't be so patronising

x2boys · 14/05/2011 08:54

its such adifficult issue i gave up smoking when i found i was pregnant with ds1 but tbh i was never a big smoker so didnt find it paticularly difficult also they had just brought in smoking ban at work so closed the smoke roomi dont think people dont care but i know of people who have really tried togive up and cant but cut down as much as possible

lljkk · 14/05/2011 09:09

I have a friend who died (in her mid 30s) of an extremely rare form of breastcancer, too. She blamed everything but her habit of smoking for almost 20 years Confused.

Is there some sort of competition going on about being understanding/judgemental in spite of or because of malfunctioning parents? My mother was alcoholic and smoked heavily (and i think was a sex addict). Do I win a prize? I reckon I was a low birth rate due to the smoking.

She was also a social worker in child protective services. And that's why I know parents can do much worse than smoke when pg.

JennyPiccolo · 14/05/2011 09:10

i used to smoke, and stopped the second i had a positive pregnancy test. I found googling pictures of what can happen to your baby when you smoke killed the cravings.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/05/2011 09:58

hairfullofsnakes... Of course you agree, it's all you do, latch on to a poster and plant your head firmly. Grin

We all know that smoking is harmful, it's just nobody's business but the people involved, and they're not going to listen to a bunch of harpies on a chatboard. Therefore, all that can be derived from judging is a feeling of superiority and head-nodding. Maybe that's important to some? Not to me.

Maybe AIBU should be changed to AIBJ? No wonder MN has such a bad reputation.

sausagesandmarmelade · 14/05/2011 10:33

I don't get that having an opinion is being judgemental...but here it obviously is, because I've heard it said so often.
So if having an opinion is being judgemental..then aren't we ALL guilty of that?

The ironic thing is that those who label others as being 'judgy' are themselves doing the exactly same thing...they accuse others of taking the moral high ground when they are doing the very thing they condemn!

Laughable really!

onagar · 14/05/2011 10:57

What is interesting in these anti-smoking threads is to go through and look where people have mentioned other poisons such as car fumes. The reaction is always "oh car fumes.. who cares about car fumes.. yes they are a deadly poison, but that's just normal... don't tell me about car fumes... you can hold the babies head to the exhaust pipe if you want and I still won't care like I do about smoking"

Which almost makes you feel as though the threads are not really about the welfare of the baby all, but really about picking a group of people to be superior to. After all saying "those nasty car owners" wouldn't work.

hairfullofsnakes · 14/05/2011 11:08

Whatever lyingwitch - whatever. I have my own thoughts and dont plant my head anywhere I am just thankful I don't think like you or resort to the patronising garbage and sarcastic comments you he come out with!

Pink4ever totally agree with you on many points and find it incredible that people would rather get irate about us judging pregnant smokers than the preg smokers themselves! Amazing and a rather sad state of affairs!

MotherPanda · 14/05/2011 12:15

Onagar, sadly car fumes are something we dont have control over - apart from personal choices such as living in rural areas, using public transport and not driving to try and cut down. (choices that i decide to take)

Smoking is absolutely something mothers can control, which is why we are attacking it.

If you have any other suggestions on how I can protect my unborn child from pollutants in the air, then please do let me know.

Original poster
likingthespring · 14/05/2011 12:57

What sausages said. LWITW - you harp on about us being judgemental but it's pretty obvious that you get an ego boost from doing that. You're being hypocrytical.

OP posts:
hairfullofsnakes · 14/05/2011 13:28

Thumbs up to sausages and likingthespring's posts! Grin

MotherSnacker · 14/05/2011 13:59

It is a shame to see pregnant women smoking as the dangers are not in any dispute in the scientific community.

However the only judgment you can make is that they are addicted to nicotine. It doesn't mean they are a bad mother. I haven't known a pregnant smoker who hasn't either quit or tried to.

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