Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to let her cry it out?

137 replies

VickyVan75 · 08/05/2011 21:11

Please help me. My 4 mo dd fights sleep. It has got so bad that I spend the majority of my day and evening trying to soothe her to sleep while she screams in my ear. It is exhausting. It takes me a good hour and a half to get her to nap and then she will only nap for 30 minutes. This happens three times a day. In the evening the fun really starts. I bring her up at 5.30/6.00 start the wind down routine, as soon as I put her in her cot she screams and will not settle until about 9.00/9.30. I am spending at least 7 hours in her room trying to get her to sleep...every day...EVERY DAY!!!!

I have tried everything..routine, baby whisperer technique, white noise, blackout blinds...you name it and it just seems to be getting worse. I have come to the conclusion that she is overtired and am considering (even though I said I never would) controlled crying.

WIBU?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 08/05/2011 21:12

Maybe she just is not tired enough to sleep and you should let her fall asleep naturally.

colditz · 08/05/2011 21:12

Stop trying to make her sleep because it's upsetting you. Accept that she is a wakeful baby, put her in a sling and potter round with her stuck on your chest. HTH

RitaMorgan · 08/05/2011 21:13

I think she is too young for controlled crying.

How long is she awake for before you try to get her to nap? Will she nap in a sling/pram/car?

squeakytoy · 08/05/2011 21:14

Is she actually tired when you try to make her sleep at 6?

My granddaughter was very much like this at that age, and they found the solution was to let her stay up a bit later, in the moses basket in the lounge, then carry her gently to her room.

colditz · 08/05/2011 21:14

And stop putting her upstairs at 5.30. it's dinner time.

It's still light. It's not properly dark until 9 pm and black out blinds or no black out blinds, some children know.

Seriously, between 5 and 9, most babies feed and play. they don't get put upstairs, so I think your issue is not that she is over tired, but that she is bored and a bit hungry/

Original poster
VickyVan75 · 08/05/2011 21:15

She is usually awake for an hour and a half when she starts displaying signs of tiredness (yawning, rubbing eyes, cranky, crying) which is when I try to put her down.

OP posts:
moonstorm · 08/05/2011 21:15

I couldn't do it. 4mo is nothing - they are inside you for much longer.

Personally, I feed to sleep anf will do for as long as it works. I climb into the cotbed as well.. As I see it, if there were no sides (ie a bed, I would be sitting in it/ cuddling).

I just go for the easiest, happiest route. If I didn't feed to sleep, I would never be able to get ds2 to sleep. It'll happen in its own time - it did with ds1.

The caveat it this is what works for me and my family. So, YABU.

iamanewmum31 · 08/05/2011 21:16

Does she have colic or reflux? My baby would only go to sleep being walked around. In my personal experience (for 15 minutes), controlled crying made her worse.

RitaMorgan · 08/05/2011 21:16

I didn't try to put ds down at that age - he napped on the breast, in my lap, in a sling, in the pram - maybe she just doesn't like being put down on her own in a cot?

skybluepearl · 08/05/2011 21:16

have you tried putting her down later on. 9 or 9.30 sounds good, then you can slowly bring it forward when she is a bit older.

encourage her to have longer wakeful times during the day - maybe by having one less layer on her.

iamanewmum31 · 08/05/2011 21:18

Sorry I meant to say we tried CC when she was older. Not four months! I don't see the benefit. We couldn't bring ourselves to do it.

blueeyedmonster · 08/05/2011 21:18

Personally I couldn't and wouldn't use controlled crying.

She's still so young. Ds used to do this and in the end I just cuddled him and comforted him until he slept. He wanted to be close to me when he was in such a state.

Maybe a sling would be worth a try?

Original poster
VickyVan75 · 08/05/2011 21:18

She won't sleep in the pram or car either. I might try a sling. I have tried pushing out her bedtime but that doesn't work. If I leave it any later then 6 she gets into a fit. I KNOW she is not getting enough sleep in the day which makes her overtired and round and round we go...

Thank you for all your suggestions thus far.

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 08/05/2011 21:18

and lie there with her with your hands around her or hand in her hand for reassurance.

strandedbear · 08/05/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 08/05/2011 21:19

I'm not sure.

I mean, if she's screaming in your ear and your presence isn't comforting her, I'm not sure that holding her is achieving anything.

If the above is true, and you are certain she's actually tired, then ywnbu.

If there's a chance she's just not tired, then ywbu.

FreudianSlipper · 08/05/2011 21:21

get a sling if she is a baby that needs a little less sleep a sling is helpful when you need to do other things and she is probably not ready to go to sleep. also she may not want to be left alone, there is noting wrong no matter what the books tell you and these routines do not work for every baby

iamanewmum31 · 08/05/2011 21:21

I BF my baby back to sleep lying down next to me. I found MN to be a wealth of support. You must be very stressed. This will pass.

RoobyMurray · 08/05/2011 21:21

She is a bit young for controlled crying IMHO, but it does sound very upsetting for you both.

I think colditz has a point that accepting that she is not a big sleeper could help you mentally.

I found (and your baby could be completely different) that if I watched for signs of tiredness like yawns, grabbing at their ears/face, and I put them to bed at the very first sign, then they were more likely to sleep. If I left them longer they would get overtired and scream because they were kind of too tired to sleep IYSWIM.

And it DOES get easier Smile

skybluepearl · 08/05/2011 21:21

can you just watch telly about 6pm and let her lie on you during the evenings? will she sleep then?

squeakytoy · 08/05/2011 21:23

My stepdaughter had a little chair that had a rocking motion to it. Grandson happily sat in that while she was getting on with things. So long as he could see her, he was happy.

skybluepearl · 08/05/2011 21:23

it will get easier quickly by the way.

FunnysInTheGarden · 08/05/2011 21:23

OK if she is tired and rubbing her eyes etc then you need to let her cry for a bit. Leave her for 5 mins at first and then go up and put her dummy in (if you have one) leave her for another 5 mins and if still crying feed her again. Once you are sure she is not hungry then leave her ( with 5 min checks) until she is asleep. It is very easy for a small baby to get overtired and honestly sometimes you do need to leave her to cry for a bit.

Both my DS's would sleep from an early age because I knew they were overtired and needed to be left to their own devices.

RitaMorgan · 08/05/2011 21:24

Are you breastfeeding, will she feed to sleep?

I think a sling is invaluble - stick her in it and go for a long, bouncy walk.

SuchProspects · 08/05/2011 21:26

I had twins and couldn't carry them both around at the same time. I did find that sometimes if I was concentrating on trying to settle one the other would self-settle faster than the one i was holding. I'm not convinced by the modern theory that you shouldn't leave them - it may be that you are actually bothering her, not soothing. On the other hand, I found slings were pretty good too...