to not monitor my 12 year old son on the internet ,TV or games ?

[doley]

Before I go any further though ,he has been taught about the dangers that could be lurking(would never arrange meetings etc ...) and he is a very sensible child .

DS has a TV and a lap-top in his room ,he spends most of his time fixing computers for people ,scripting games and generally playing on face book while eating sandwiches

I believe I have done my bit with regard to his safety ,I don't think I can stand over him all day ...I don't have the energy (other little children ) and I think what he gets up to is and up to him now .

I don't have any of his passwords to any accounts ,I don't want them ...he regularly up-loads tech advice/reviewing videos to you tube and enjoys the advice he is able to give . Of course as it is youtube nice comments also come with vile and offensive ones ~he couldn't care less .

I don't monitor games either... nor the TV .

Well , am I unusual ?

Is there some dreadful thing that could happen that I have overlooked ?

I would add the guy I knew never did it maliciously. It was a challange for him. He liked that kind of challange and so did the online friends we was hanging out with

I wouldn't leave a 12yo alone with the internet.

If he is into programming then you could always get him a PC and remove the internet capability, or as a project he could build a computer without it. That way he can program to his hearts desire but without access to the outside.

And you could monitor the time he spends online on the family machine in the way that others have suggested.

Ditty ,the smilie was to correct my mistake in my earlier post X posted .

He is eating the sandwiches when he is working on computers ,fixing things ...

Yes,we have talked openly about porn ,his mortified bright red face illustrates that he knows what not to look at .

Gilly has raised a very good point ,this is something I am aware of as he has already (at 10 ) downloaded ilegal torrents :(

Knowing what not to look at and not looking are two very different things!

I also think playing or "working" no 12 year old should be spending so much time on a computer they are eating at the computer - surely coming downstairs for half an hour to eat would be much better?

I think you are looking for permission not to bother with trying to keep your son safe on the internet because you are finding it a bit difficut.

It is not good parenting imo to abdicate responsibility like you are doing. A 12 year old is not equipped to handle things available to him on the internet that frankly most adults choose to shield themselves from.

If your ds has an aptitude for computers that is no reason to allow him access to stuff he is not emotionally equipped to deal with. Saying that he will find this stuff at school or at friends' houses if not at yours is a cop out imo.

If you find that one or two other mumsnetters adopt the same approach as you that doesn't make it right. Of course there is such a thing as being over protective of your child and limiting their freedom too much for their stage of development - you seem to be saying that being at the other extreme is the way to go. It's not. A parent has a duty to protect their child appropriately.

Have you heard of 4chan? Anonymous?

If you're happy for your DS, with his interest in scripting, to have free reign on the internet, you'd better be sure you know what's out there that you don't want him to get involved with.

sirzy he does do that regularly too ,but does enjoy a sandwich up there though ,its true .

noble ~ Thank you I will raise that with him .

my way is not the only/right way

It is just mine ,for now ,for this child

So why, did you post this thread then? because you dont think you are doing anything wrong, and you have smugly dismissed any of the advice that has been offered.

I was asking to see if I was that unusual .squeaky I have not been smug ,could you suggest a way I could have been more humble perhaps ?

It would be weird (imo) if I suddenly backtracked and didn't elaborate a bit more don't you think ?

I can ask here without having to be overly modest can't I ?

I think you're falling into the common trap of thinking "It won't happen to my child because he's different. He's not like other children."

Your ds is not fundamentally different to other 12yr-old boys, no matter how skilled with computers he may be.

Exactly Copper.

If anything, an intelligent boy (and he is a boy no matter what you say and how mature you think he is), will be mixing with people a lot older in the type of "computer nerd" forums that he uses. He is probably very capable of pulling the wool over your eyes, which really should make you extra cautious of keeping a watch on his activities.

Thank you all ~really :)

I have listened and will act on advice given ,along side with what I already do .

Can't hurt can it ?

FattyAcid - what a brilliant post - you have said it all and summed it up perfectly.