Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not monitor my 12 year old son on the internet ,TV or games ?

168 replies

doley · 07/05/2011 17:36

Before I go any further though ,he has been taught about the dangers that could be lurking(would never arrange meetings etc ...) and he is a very sensible child .

DS has a TV and a lap-top in his room ,he spends most of his time fixing computers for people ,scripting games and generally playing on face book while eating sandwiches Grin

I believe I have done my bit with regard to his safety ,I don't think I can stand over him all day ...I don't have the energy (other little children ) and I think what he gets up to is and up to him now .

I don't have any of his passwords to any accounts ,I don't want them ...he regularly up-loads tech advice/reviewing videos to you tube and enjoys the advice he is able to give . Of course as it is youtube nice comments also come with vile and offensive ones ~he couldn't care less .

I don't monitor games either... nor the TV .

Well , am I unusual ?

Is there some dreadful thing that could happen that I have overlooked ?

OP posts:
Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:27

squeaky I understand your point .

We do not give him the option of visits from folk we don't know ,unless we are home - EVER .

Yes,he is always with mates when around the neighborhood .

OP posts:
ragged · 07/05/2011 18:29

You're right, OP, I'm sure DC will come up with cunning ways to try to get around our Net Nanny (type) controls. It will be an ongoing game, with me always being one step more behind than I like. But I'd rather be one step than 8 steps behind, so to speak.

I'm finding it very funny that my relatives (live in SC) won't even let their DC go to school because of undesirable outside influences, and here you are, deciding nothing can actually be too dodgy... What a varied place the USA is!

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:30

vallium I see.

As much as I would have liked to have kept that crap out of my home ,it is very difficult .

My teenage siblings have all played it and are fine ,well mannered and well adjusted people .

As I said ,the main thing he does up there is tech related ,and of course the bloody internet .

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:31

We do not give him the option of visits from folk we don't know ,unless we are home - EVER

but how would you know what he might be arranging without your knowledge if you never check anything he does??? even the most well behaved kids can be a bit sneaky sometimes..

valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:33

It's not difficult. You wouldn't let a toddler play on it just because his siblings have it.

Parenting is bloody hard and I try not to judge anyone on their choices BUT letting kids play on games that are FAR too old for them is a no brainer!

valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:35

And not only sneaky as squeaky say but taken in by people who should know better.

A kid is in a far more risky situation on a computer than out on the streets!

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:35

I have to say, I WAS that sneaky 12yr old... so I do know how easy it is to get away with it... my poor parents would have been horrified if they knew half the things I did...

I saved my spending money, bought a ticket and went to a whitesnake gig on New Years Eve in 1981, when I was 12 years old and had promised my parents I wouldnt open the door to anyone while they were out. They had trusted me to do this for the last year and so far I had never stepped out of line so when I reassure them that I was more than happy to stay in and didnt want to go to the dance they were going to, off they went quite unconcerned.

I made it home before they did, and they were never any the wiser about it!! I had a fantastic time at the gig!

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:35

ragged what I didn't explain (and what I should have done) is that he is actually a computer wizz/ and is gifted with anything in that department .

Many times he has fixed things on computers that the store/geek squad have given up on .

He has even fixed the schools computer system !

Because of all this ,I feel redundant in being able to attach any parental controls ~he will be able to remove them .

OP posts:
Melly19MummyToBe · 07/05/2011 18:35

So judging by your lack of response to a few comments, you don't actually care that your son is using facebook underage?

valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:36

Sorry OP I misread that - I thought you had said your son played on it because his siblings had not your siblings.

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:36

I would also say, a mature 12 year old is probably more at risk than an 8yr old who would still have a lot more parental supervision and a lot less freedom.

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:38

squeaky we don't leave him at home on his own .

Everything is very far away ,so he likes to get out when we do ,plus we wouldn't leave him anyway .

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:40

OP you are missing the point - by not monitoring his computer access you ARE leaving him alone, do you not see that?

Got to go and watch Dr Who with ds - back later!

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:42

No ,I don't mind he is using facebook ~I make no excuses .

Nearly all teens ,tweens use it ...

I can see his page ...it is an interesting selections of :

K K K BRB LOL KKK

and a picture of random cat or car .

OP posts:
KittySpencer · 07/05/2011 18:43

OP, I'll go against the flow of opinion and say that I don't think YAB that U.

I don't monitor my 12yr olds games or TV (nor my 10 year olds for that matter). I know what games they have, but I don't sit and watch them while they play - in fact no-one I know in RL does.

WRT internet, neither of mine is really interested - they are allowed to use my laptop but rarely do, both tend to chat to friends on Xbox live rather than Facebook. If they do use the net, it will normally be to find out game cheats on youtube.

Will now prepare to be told what an appalling parent I am....

QuintessentialPains · 07/05/2011 18:44

wow, is this the next level of parenting?

Leave well alone with tv and pc and sarnie in the room and hope he brings himself up all right....

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:46

You cant see his private messages though, nor can you see everything if he has set his profile to only allow you to see certain things. Yes, he probably hasnt done that, and yes, there probably are no private messages, but you do not know that for sure.

I really dont know why you posted this thread in all honesty. Confused

I am probably one of the most liberal and un-protective posters on here with regards to giving children freedom... but even I would monitor a childs internet use to a certain extent. Hell I even monitor my 67yo MIL's with her blessing because she worries that she may make a mistake or accept a dodgy friend request by accident.

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:46

vallium I do see what you saying .

I do go to his room regularly ,(and hang out there with him sometimes even)

I believe as we are so open and show him we trust him ,it should make for an easier ride when he is an older teen .

We are around all of the time ... he is not left to languish I promise !

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/05/2011 18:46

I would have thought him being such a whizz on the computer should make you monitor what he is doing more not less?

And that doesn't explain you letting him play wholly innappropriate games.

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:48

I believe as we are so open and show him we trust him ,it should make for an easier ride when he is an older teen

That is exactly what my mum thought too Grin....

She was wrong... Wink

ashamedandconfused · 07/05/2011 18:50

There is a huge huge, international problem with kids being groomed on the internet, when their parents think they are safely at home in their rooms. these people, mainly but not always men, are very very devious and will know exactly what to say in order to pull the wool over the kids eyes, and get them to ignore parental rules. They may be online buddies for months and months, building up a whole persona and lifestory before they even suggest a meet up

Hey, guess what? my mom and dad are driving over to your town at the weekend, wanna come meet me at the mall saturday?

Mum says no - she cant give me a lift cos shes at the hairdressers and I have to stay home and do homework

parents are sooo boring huh, cant you sneak out while shes at the hairdressers, you'll only be half an hour?

it is so so easy for even good kids to be led astray

Any parent who does NOT think about this and check on what their kid are up to is being very very lax.

cumbria81 · 07/05/2011 18:55

for those that don't let their kids delete their history, you do know that they can just delete one specific thing and you'd be none the wiser?

activate · 07/05/2011 18:57
  • porn
  • cyber-bullying
  • death, destruction
  • graphic imagery
  • graphic stories
  • illness, fear, all things base
  • suicide pacts, sites, advice
  • self-harming, anorexia-promoting, degenerate sites
  • imagery, language
  • violence
  • groomers

take your pick

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 19:01

Well ,I understand the points made -Thank you .

I am slack on the standing over the shoulder and monitoring ...but in all other aspects I am totally there and we have a great relationship .

I would not allow him to meet anyone that I don't know ,I have a massive handle on that ~he would not have the chance to sneak anywhere at this point .I will have to really work with that when we move and has he gets older .

I really do understand the grooming aspect .

I have talked with him many times ,as have the school .

We are continuing to parent him in every aspect ,the computer/internet thing is more challenging though .

Oh,he is not left sitting in front of a computer all day with a selection of sarnies ,I was explaining what happens when he is .

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 19:04

love you activate