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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not monitor my 12 year old son on the internet ,TV or games ?

168 replies

doley · 07/05/2011 17:36

Before I go any further though ,he has been taught about the dangers that could be lurking(would never arrange meetings etc ...) and he is a very sensible child .

DS has a TV and a lap-top in his room ,he spends most of his time fixing computers for people ,scripting games and generally playing on face book while eating sandwiches Grin

I believe I have done my bit with regard to his safety ,I don't think I can stand over him all day ...I don't have the energy (other little children ) and I think what he gets up to is and up to him now .

I don't have any of his passwords to any accounts ,I don't want them ...he regularly up-loads tech advice/reviewing videos to you tube and enjoys the advice he is able to give . Of course as it is youtube nice comments also come with vile and offensive ones ~he couldn't care less .

I don't monitor games either... nor the TV .

Well , am I unusual ?

Is there some dreadful thing that could happen that I have overlooked ?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 07/05/2011 18:07

But you posted here. Which suggests you harbor at least a few minor doubts, no?

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:08

At this point ,and in this area he is not allowed any further than to school and the sounding block .

We live in a very safe mid-western town at the moment .

OP posts:
florencedougal · 07/05/2011 18:09

i have read of older kids than that get sucked in to meeting "friends" off the internet, on other forums i belong to. Luckily their mums normally realise in time all is not kosher.

also have you not read of the grown women who get taken for a ride, not to mention the men who get ripped off for thousands - and i am sure the majority of them are considered sensible and reasonably intelligent

if you are happy not to monitor him, that lovely, as long as you are prepared to accept the consequences and the blame :)

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:09

You should know his passwords though, and you should go into his facebook account periodically to check for private messages, friend requests etc. Simply being their friend is not enough to know fully what is going on.

If he is on games sites, then he is potentially mixing with all sorts of people of any age, some of whom could be complete weirdos, and you really do have to be on your guard on his behalf.

He may be mature, but he is still only 12, and in fairness, you did question whether you were doing the right thing by posting this thread.

I do think you need to watch him a little more closely than you do at the moment in all honesty.

Tee2072 · 07/05/2011 18:09

So he's restricted in life but free for all online?

Insane.

pigletmania · 07/05/2011 18:09

Though not advocating standing behind him all the time, you should go up from time to time and check what he is doing, and look at his search history and if he has to have a computer in his room it should have parental controls, he is still a child even if he appears to be mature.

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:10

Do you all think if I banned porn he wouldn't find it then ?

Our home is very small ,I (of course) go to his room regularly .

This home is built in a very old fashioned style ,there is no lock on his room as it is basically attic space ~I can walk in at any moment and he knows that .

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:10

We live in a very safe mid-western town at the moment

False sense of security when he could be chatting with someone only a few miles away who can drive....

pigletmania · 07/05/2011 18:11

Online anyone can be anyone they want to, and though you would not allow your child to talk to strangers in the street, online its the same thing only you cant see the "12" year old boy who also likes gaming is infact a 40 something paedophile.

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:11

Doley, dont take this the wrong way, but how much time does he spend on his computer holed away in his room by himself? it doesnt sound healthy at all.

DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 18:12

"...I don't have the energy (other little children ) and I think what he gets up to is and up to him now ."

This is an idiotic approach. You can live in the Antarctic, surrounded by penguins (ha penguins) but if you let your child swan about the Internet and game how he likes and watch whatever he wants, then that is irresponsible. The dangers of the world are not limited to RL. There is a huge amount of dangerous stuff on the Internet, not limited to whether your child can "meet" someone in reality or not.

Very naive.

Melly19MummyToBe · 07/05/2011 18:12

YABU, the minimum age for facebook users is 13. So he is actually doing stuff on the internet that he shouldn't be. Even if it is just facebook.

valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:14

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I think you are being stupidly naive and extremely lax.

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:15

He is not restricted in R/L it just hasn't happened at this point ...

We allow him to ride his bike around the block etc ...he will be able to go further this year .

He is not unaware about the idiots online ~he is very savvy .

I feel that if he is aware at 12 ,at 16 he will not be so easily taken for a ride .

This generation (and particularly in this neighborhood ) the kids are very self assured and well versed on the dangers from strangers and drugs .

They are taught drug awareness from 6 here .

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:15

just being unreasonable but also......

BarbarianMum · 07/05/2011 18:17

Doley at 12 perhaps you could try this approach:

You ban porn.
He looks at it anyway.
You find out
You take away his internet access for a month.
Then try again on the basis that you will be checking and he will lose his privileges if he abuses them.

DameShirleyKnot · 07/05/2011 18:17

Hopeless

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/05/2011 18:18

Doley,

re this comment:-
"We live in a very safe mid-western town at the moment"

Do you actually reside in the UK, I ask that because of the above wording.

Actually living in a "very safe mid-western town" does not mean for one second that the Internet is any safer. Apart from anything he should not be on FB in the first place as he is too young. Age limits are put there for good reason.

valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:18

So at 12 he's allowed to play Grand Theft Auto OP?

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:21

squeaky not all that much time actually .

on-line not that much .

Mainly, he is fixing computers for neighbors and making videos for youtube .

Its just that when he is on-line I have left it to him .

I am not slack ,I am hoping that he feels there is no need to be sneaky .

I have teenage siblings ...they will (and do ) find a way to get to forbidden sites if they fancy it .

We always talk about what he is doing ,and he is quite happy to show me ~and to explain his scripting to me .

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 18:22

Doley, supposing his 12yr old mate is chatting away and wants to swap some games with him... only lives a few miles away... his dad will bring him over.. all sounds safe and plausible.

Dad turns up with games.... but dad is not dad, dad is the 12yr old who your son has been happily chatting away with...

It is so bloody easy and a 12yr old will no matter how smart and streetwise they think they are, will see through these sort of things. The sort of people who groom kids on the internet are preying on kids just like your son, he is their prime target. There are not paedophiles on every corner, but there are a hell of a lot of them on the internet who know exactly where to go to find easy pickings.

There is safety in numbers, and when your boy is outside with his mates, he is a heck of a lot safer than when he is posting on a forum or chatboard.

Original poster
doley · 07/05/2011 18:24

Vallium he has played that in the past,he was not that interested .

I am in the US , in answer to that question .

OP posts:
ragged · 07/05/2011 18:24

Worral is right.
I've had trouble with DC looking at very dodgy material. Stuff that really needs to be rated ADULT (18+). "Boredom" was the reason given. If it doesn't bother you what he might look at, then... your call. I just didn't feel comfortable with it.

K9 is incredibly easy to install, fast, doesn't obviously interfere, doesn't take much thinking, kicks in very appropriately (doesn't ban me from MN, anyway Wink).

valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:24

There is safety in numbers, and when your boy is outside with his mates, he is a heck of a lot safer than when he is posting on a forum or chatboard

I completely agree!

valiumredhead · 07/05/2011 18:26

I have no respect for any parent who lets their kid play GTA underage wether they are interested or not to be quite honest.

And yes I AM doing a cat's bum with my mouth!