to think that I am doomed to a life of singledom forever?

[DameShirleyKnot]

I have been thinking recently about maybe getting a new boyfriend at some point in the future.

As the only men I ever meet are wankers, I don't know why I crossed that out actually, yes, most of the men I meet are wankers, I have decided to start having a little look on Guardian Soulmates to get an idea of what is out there.

Basically, what is out there is men like:

"Crazy Creator
Intuitive, playful, spontaneous, celebratory, he makes things - sometimes for 'the world of culture' but many times for you, songs, poems, cards, perfumes, he will get the tube carriage to sing happy birthday to you, hold a gigantic airport placard with your name on or when you are ill he will dress as a doctor...he will jump without thinking!!!!."

This. This man talks about himself in the 3rd person and is a dickhead.

Can anyone find me someone who is NOT a pretentious arse please?

Can't you click on them, LBE?

I am pointing out at this point that I am not laughing at these prisoners at all. I just find it quite..weird. Like, some of these people have been convicted of really bad shit - why would you want a relationship with a murdererererer?

Not many people know that Basingstoke is actually twined with Rio.

I've done the odd bit of internet dating. Sometimes seriously, sometimes not. It does seem a terrible way to find non mental, non fiction people. I think the best site to be on would be the biggest, Match.com, but be prepared to have to wade though tons of wank to find that special person.
One person I saw had a note at the bottom of their profile telling people to write a certain word in the subject of any messages. They could then automatically delete all people who hadn't read her profile as soon as she got them. Quite a time saver.

It's not at all funny. Not one bit. I think the advantage of a relationship with a murderererer is that they are locked up and can't forget to put the bins out and such.

That Delville one if 8 foot tall apparently.

LBE - I was originally looking at Guardian Soulmates

I then moved onto Plenty of Fish

and I am now looking at prisoners.

There's 'discrete' dating sites for people what are married. Uniform dating for people in uniform or those wanting to meet them. Age gap dating. Millionaire dating(yeah, right!). BDSM dating. Various religion dating. Even animal dating-animal to animal!

I've just read a nice one from a man who murderised someone and he's very kindly given his BLOOD PRESSURE measurements. I like a man with a BP of 112 / 70

Tiggy - I joined up to match dot com a few years ago, and then went out with my friends and met a bloke in the pub. Big waste of money.

Oh dear I've read some and they are too too sad.

I'm wary of match.com. Not entirely sure how it works, but a friend ended up re-meeting a rapist through it, I think.

It is unbelievable how long some of the jail sentences are

Actually, I expect that is potentially possible through any kind of dating service.

They are awful. And they are just pore ol folk with shit lives that went all wrong.

Let us leave them in peace and go back to the circus tree men.

Now, how long do you think it'll be before match.com complains to Mumsnet about my post?

I went on eharmony and they matched me with a bloke who sits two desks away from me.

No.

Sfate, Dickie.

The website I work for was for a time getting a decent amount of traffic from people googling a finance type who murdered his wife - who once wrote an article for us. I believe he is still in the database

No Hully.

He's often found asleep at his desk because he's been up all night ambushing dwarves or something on World of Warcraft.
He smells of Special Brew. I doubt he's ever touched the stuff; it's just his natural odour.
He gets sexually aroused by Google Adwords.
He hates people. Absolutely without prejudice, hates everyone.

And that, apparently, is my perfect match.

Maybe eharmony knows something you don't dickie. Just sayin'

No Shirley

I am often found asleep at my desk because it's all just SO POINTLESS.
I smell of Dolce & Gabanna and porridge.
I get sexually aroused by the thought of going to bed early with a book and not having sex.
I hate Jedward and Gideon Osbourne and mushrooms.

There is literally no common ground there WHATSOEVER.

Don't fight it Dickie. There's a natural affinity for sure.

This is exactly what happens in Mills and Boon books. The "hatred" at the beginning which is soon turning into a grudging regard, which culminates in full LOVE MAKING on the desk. Yeah. love making...that's right, I went there.

[belts Tiggy with a banana hammock to stop her edging any closer]

He votes Conservative.

And you find that powerfully attractive?

It's ok, it worked for Lucy Mangan. Just go with it.

Nah, you're alright.

And anyway someone I went to school seduced me via the power of Facebook snort so I go out with him now and he lives in another county so I don't have to see him every day, it's great.