to think that I am doomed to a life of singledom forever?

[DameShirleyKnot]

I have been thinking recently about maybe getting a new boyfriend at some point in the future.

As the only men I ever meet are wankers, I don't know why I crossed that out actually, yes, most of the men I meet are wankers, I have decided to start having a little look on Guardian Soulmates to get an idea of what is out there.

Basically, what is out there is men like:

"Crazy Creator
Intuitive, playful, spontaneous, celebratory, he makes things - sometimes for 'the world of culture' but many times for you, songs, poems, cards, perfumes, he will get the tube carriage to sing happy birthday to you, hold a gigantic airport placard with your name on or when you are ill he will dress as a doctor...he will jump without thinking!!!!."

This. This man talks about himself in the 3rd person and is a dickhead.

Can anyone find me someone who is NOT a pretentious arse please?

With the assistance of the post-it note still in my desk at work:

I met nine blokes off the site. The first one was ok but determinedly maudlin. The second kept his hat on throughout the date (inside a pub), causing even the barman to mock him, hide his prematurely receding hairline. Number three had me climbing on the cistern of a mobile signal-less pub?s loo to get an escape call from a mate.

Four I put off by ending up in the pub next door ?where are you, I can?t see you??, inadvertently hitting on several other men in the process. Five was sweet, shy and smart (we made it to two dates) but woefully lacked social skills. Six swore like a trooper and dressed like a farmer (I?m sure this would do it for many, but not me). Seven was two inches shorter than me and four inches shorter than he said. Eight was nice enough but no spark, looked nothing like his picture though.

Nine was nice and friendly, but no spark, went home and cursed (a lot) but arranged a second date nonetheless. Fell head over heels in love. We move in together next month.

I have Ran. That's why I put 'No Crims' in my Wants List

Are you a therapist of some sort, TiggyD?

I think you'd be good.

Mixed martial arts generally means:

Did a class of Karate after watching the re-make of The Karate Kid - didn't like it.

Switched to kung-fu, expecting it to be full of Matrix types yelling "I know kung-fu". Left when the teacher was not called Morpheus.

Tried a bit of kick-boxing and got his butt kicked by a 4'11'' girl. Gave up.

Tried tai-chi but did it really fast because he thought it looked cool. Got mocked by some schoolkids in the park.

Currently plays Streetfighter 37 on the X-box.

Hope that helps.

Shirley: - I would fuck you but I've gotta do the school run

Maybe another time er?

[wonders whether Shirley could be persuaded to come and live in a commune-style arrangement in the country]

Because I am Fabulous Tiggy.

That's lovely berlinnovels.

Is there a website for dating criminals? I bet that would be FUN

I know lots of criminals.

Lawyer - not just a keeper of bad company.

I think I once met a nice one - I could try to track him down for you.

The only time I went on an internet date, many years ago, the man was quite arsy to the waiter. As well as being a knob. The waiter got his revenge by asking him if his "daughter" would be requiring pudding? (thats the other thing about internet dating - he claimed to be only 2 years older than me but looked at least 20).

Rannaldini thanks for tip, other advantage is that they won't be able to run away

Just eight to get thro Shirl. Just eight.

Why knot tell us what you would write in your profile? Then we could all make fun of your passion for knitting banana holders and collecting horse bras.

[tries to work out if Tiggy is being serious or not]

[decides to err on the side of caution and edges away]

Tsk.

Putting animals in corsetry and such-like, and advertising that fact is not likely to get anyone a date, TiggyD.

Tiggy - did I accidently quote you on this thread somewhere? (I'm guessing it's Brad aka RYDER)

I do like knitting banana holders and I DO collect horse bra's, you'd be surprised how few horses need bra's to be honest.

Yes, but Shirl is our friend and we love her.

We don't give a shit about the random men.

Sorry, what I was trying to get across in my last post was that it might not be a good idea to put the horse bra thing on your profile. What with it being so niche n all. Makes you look picky. A bit high-maintenance, even.

There is a niche market in bovine corsetry, if that helps?

You must not seen my profile yet. It is a bit interesting.

I think horse bras are more for show jumping completions. The last thing you want is for a loose horse knocker to take the top bar off.

[edges closer to Kungfupanda]

Competitions! It just sounds weird now.

I like show jumping completions. It shows staying power.

Never mind all that.

Look what I have found

I think horned Telik or elderly Delville for you, Shirl.

A lot of them look v like the pink Armin men.

Can someone please tell me what sites you're all looking at?