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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am being BLACKMAILED

641 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 05/05/2011 19:28

By some divvy on eBay Angry

I bought a Benefit eyeliner off her for the princely sum of £4.20. Got it today and it's fake. I sent her this email:

"Hi,

I got the pencil this morning and I am really disappointed to see that it's a fake. It explains why it was so cheap but I buy Benefit a lot so I know a fake when I see it!

Can I have a refund please?"

She sent this reply:

"Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are not happy with the item, as far as my wholesaler states these are not fake but imports from USA, customer satisfaction is my priority and I would not knowingly sell fake items. As you are not happy I am willing to send a full refund once good feedback as been given. I wait for your reply.

Kind regards"

I just sent one back going "Hmmm, pretty sure that's blackmail."

Or is it bribery? I don't know. But still! Cheeky sod.

Should I leave shit feedback and sod the £4 or get therefund but lie? I am thinking of letting her keep the four quid and writing "SCRUBBY FUCK" as her feedback.

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:27

Also..

"Last year I was standing in front of some amazing waterfalls on the border of Argentina and Brazil having just done about charity around central and south america and had this overpowering sense of how much more amazing it would have been to be there with someone to grab and spin round and take pictures of us getting soaked... to know that we were both swimming in that passion for the experience and sharing it."

Fu. Ck. Ing. HEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:28

Not after the fucks here either. I'm just still deluded convinced that Mr Lovely and Unattached is out there somewhere. I'd quite like to meet him now, I'm getting fed up with living on my own.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:31
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:32

I think we might be DOOOOOOOMED Sarah. Doomed.

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:33

Shall I do a fred Hully? Shall I?

Seriously that bloke with the charity wotsit thing is looking for:

"The worst thing about being on your own is that you can only like the things you know. I think it would be great to expand each other's horizons. My dream girl is someone who wants to make a commitment and is keen on making a life in the city and country, a real home, but has wings on her feet too, a feminine Hermes, ready to take flight to new adventures."

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:34

Oh I think you must, Shirl. You are behoven now. And I can waste another day.

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:35

I am utterly crap at doing threads but I shall give it a go...

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:35

wings on her feet too a feminine Hermes fucksake Grin

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 06/05/2011 10:36

That bloke needs to scratch his balls and stop being so fucking cerebral.

Anyway. Avoid 'Plenty of Fish' Shirl. My mate ended up marrying a bloke off there who faints if he hears the word 'milk'.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:37

And she has to have a real home in the town and country. That'll take a bit of wong. Still, she'll have the old winged feet to flit between em.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:41

Sounds a right load of old bollocks. I want a real man, not some metrosexual wimp who spends longer in the bathroom than I do and spouts shite poetry.

deemented · 06/05/2011 10:44

Trin - seeing as you're the deep throat guru, can you teach me? I'm a bit crap and it's a case of i'll either bite or be sick. Manshapes worried.

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:47

I've done a thread and also, I have found the biggest pretentious arsehole on the face of the earth. Seriously.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:50

I tried teaching myself with my rabbit. I kept ramming the buzzy clit bit up my nose though :(

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 06/05/2011 10:52

Sarah, I was about to call the RSPCA on you.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:53

I do feel that oral is unnecessary and a bit dull.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:55

"That bloke needs to scratch his balls and stop being so fucking cerebral"

Exactly what I was thinking.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:56

I like cerebral. Much less demanding. As long as they can sort the drains out too.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:59

You'll never get a man who combines the two, Hully. I married an academic which is all well and good when I want to have a conversation with on a topic more scintillating than Wayne Rooney's left foot/Kelly brook's tits but it's a fucking pain in the harris when I need a shelf putting up or a drain unblocking.

And don't bother telling me I should be able to do these things myself. It cuts both ways. I can't be glamorous AND handy at DIY, y' get me blud?

OP posts:
Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 11:00

Can I have a lomk to Shirley's thread pls kfnks?

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 11:00

I don't. I also hate it when I get a running commentary on my performance/his performance etc.

Sidge · 06/05/2011 11:00

Bloody love this thread.

Top banana Grin

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:02

I dunno, one of my best friends is cerebral and handy, and he lives with another of my best mates who is equally cerebral and handy. Wow, they are like Super Couple. But they don't get on very well and he is quite mad.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 11:03

I like a nice, quiet man so I can talk at great length without being interrupted.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 06/05/2011 11:04

Too many super powers, Hully. It never ends well.