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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am being BLACKMAILED

641 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 05/05/2011 19:28

By some divvy on eBay Angry

I bought a Benefit eyeliner off her for the princely sum of £4.20. Got it today and it's fake. I sent her this email:

"Hi,

I got the pencil this morning and I am really disappointed to see that it's a fake. It explains why it was so cheap but I buy Benefit a lot so I know a fake when I see it!

Can I have a refund please?"

She sent this reply:

"Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are not happy with the item, as far as my wholesaler states these are not fake but imports from USA, customer satisfaction is my priority and I would not knowingly sell fake items. As you are not happy I am willing to send a full refund once good feedback as been given. I wait for your reply.

Kind regards"

I just sent one back going "Hmmm, pretty sure that's blackmail."

Or is it bribery? I don't know. But still! Cheeky sod.

Should I leave shit feedback and sod the £4 or get therefund but lie? I am thinking of letting her keep the four quid and writing "SCRUBBY FUCK" as her feedback.

OP posts:
QueenLaQueefer · 06/05/2011 09:47

Trin, I will never forget.

ReindeerBollocks · 06/05/2011 09:48

Problem is Trin we all know you can deep throat like Linda Lovelace - how are we going to forget that in a hurry?

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch · 06/05/2011 09:48

oh yes, it does taste like that but doesn't go frothy

also cheap cream soda fizzy and vodka is very nice

I think I may pop some ice cream in my vanilla vodka and lemonade tonight

before I put my twin set and pearls away fro the night and climb into bed in long johns, y'know all nun-like

sex? me nooooooooo

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 09:50

That is a genius idea. Vodka Floats.

I have been dreaming of the sex all week. I think I need some sex.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 06/05/2011 09:51

I just bought a run on ebay. If it's shit, I'm going to set Bups on them.

PrinceHumperdink · 06/05/2011 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 09:54

No scissoring? You know how to hurt a woman Shirley, you cold, cold bastad.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 09:59

I love this thread. It is fucking awesome Grin

I've also learnt quite a lot.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:03

Have you learned what scissoring is? I had to ask the googles.

Not really. I'm a professional lezzer, me.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 06/05/2011 10:04

The Monster MUnch trufax wins this thread like a Boss, IMHO. It will go down in MN lore.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:04

Shirley needs a shag.

OP posts:
Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:06

Found one. Bit wary though as he has been road tested once by some bloke in Zimbabwe with loads of negative feedback :(

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:06

Yup scissoring is not what I thought it was.

dont agree with MM trufax though it's far, far too bitter.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 06/05/2011 10:07

Roffle at this making eleven pages Grin

And no I've not read them all.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:07

Ah he might be up for a BOGOF then bup. I'm desperate not that fussy.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:08

If spunk tasted like Monster Munch I'd be dining at the Cafe du Cock more often than on DH's birthday, let me tell you.

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:14

Cafe du Cock.

I am going to start looking at some candidates for love-making on the intermanet soon. I might do a thread - I had a little look at Guardian Soulmates a few weeks ago, just to see what was out there and...Dear God...no.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:15

It's more like Hmm

Cheap lemon dishwasher tablets would be my guess. ie vile.

SarahStratton · 06/05/2011 10:15

I looked at the Beeney One's site last week. It was rather depressing. Does the GS have pics?

DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:17

yes Sarah. Yes it does. It also has a high proportion of people trying to be funny. And failing. Hang on...I'll go and get an example.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:18

If you're solely after the fucks, go on something like fuckbuddy.com. Guardian Soulmates are ok if you're after someone to worry about Libya with and to help you make a spiffing fennel fritatta.

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:20

"As I am never one to blow my own trumpet I asked some friends to describe me. They came back with the following, that I'm kind,[deleted due to extreme boredom]. At first I was please with their contribution until I realised they'd missed out devastatingly witty, handsome and sexy. I was flattered by their view of me, but I guess it would be best to add a few words of my own to fill in any holes"

I tell you something mate, you won't be filling any of MY holes.

Nah, not just after the fucks really, I would quite like to fall in love and get married again one day.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 06/05/2011 10:22

Oh no I missed being bricked because of the naughty step! Damn my DH making me go to bed!

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 06/05/2011 10:22

I'll marry you Shirl'. We fight like an auld married couple already and you face doesn't make me feel sick. Come on. let's get to Gretna.

OP posts:
DameShirleyKnot · 06/05/2011 10:26
Sad

You are wed to another and cannot be mine.

Tsk, I think I've got to wait a little while before plunging into the whole internet dating thing...I think I'm supposed to wait about 6 months after a break up isn't it? So that I don't appear all weird and desperate.