To be shocked at how many mners seem to condone smacking

[Cat98]

I am not talking about people who have smacked in anger and post saying "oh no, I lost it and smacked my DC" - everyone makes mistakes and no-one is perfect! I am talking about those who use smacking as a considered, pre meditated form of punishment/discipline. I know this was discussed a lot on another thread a few days ago, and I was pretty much told "each to their own" - but I am genuinely surprised that it seems to be a popular method here?

Sims - do you really think your crime at 9 years old fitted the punishment - that red mark across your legs?

I was wanting to know how the actual smack made you feel. I wondered if on some level you felt embarrassed and humiliated and angry with your mum even? Or were your thoughts just about your mum's feelings?

I have never smacked, I never will smack. I utterly condemn it.

Sitting down and discussing rationally what the problem is, why the parent is angry, what the child has done wrong and agreeing on a punishment takes more time and energy.

Yes but as a technique it is also WHOLLY dependent on the child being of an age to sit down and discuss things rationally.

Truth is that most people self-regulate when it comes to the issue of smacking. Many frazzled parents who have smacked when at the end of their tether are then so consumed by self loathing and guilt that they never do it again.

But really it boils down to is the fact that you can't teach children that physical violence is wrong if you hit/smack/slap them - otherwise we are into "don't fucking swear" territory.

Agree lubberlich

Disciplining without shouting or smacking always takes more time and energy. In an ideal world we would all be prepared to devote time and energy to it. At the top of my game, I'm brilliant. At worst I smacked my then - 3 year old for biting his baby brother on the face. Ironic. I will never defend smacking, even though I've done it. There's a good book called Playful Parenting which helps with those moments of confrontation

I'm against smacking and don't do it however I'm wondering how many who are so strongly against it shout at their dc. I don't think shouting(which I do do now and again) is particularly great either, I also think cold unemotional parents who never loose their temper aren't great.

I have smacked one of my 3 only once.My dd was out of control being very rude and pinching me when I told her off,she truly had no idea of the pain she was causing having never been struck herself.I tapped her leg and feel zilch shame about it.There was simply no other way out of the situation,we were camping,it was completely out of the blue and she was hysterical.

As it was my dd gave an embarrassed surprised laugh,stopped immediately and asked for a cuddle,she's never done it since,neither have I. I've never had to smack her older brothers.I could have bellowed like a fish wife instead. Calm ignoring wasn't an option as I was upset,in pain,very angry and human.

Sorry but I thing responding to bad behaviour is quite a complex area which isn't always easy. You can't say one loss of control is ok but not another.We're all human and not robots.We all will loose our tempers at some point.I'm firmly against smacking however I don't think shouting is any better a lot of the time to be frank.I think a lot of parents shout far more than they should do these days.I wonder if parents who would have used surprise taps now bellow instead.

In an ideal world none of us would smack,shout or bellow but sweetly and calmly respond to all our dc's bad behaviour(some parents manage this so it can be done).

I think all things in moderation yes we should all try not to smack but if you spend your life continually bellowing at your kids it doesn't make you any better imvho than somebody who dishes out the odd tap.

I think some posters get a little hysterical about this subject to be frank although I don't smack I certainly don't think parents who loose it occasionally are akin to the devil.We all have different kids,personalities and life circumstances.

'There's a good book called Playful Parenting which helps with those moments of confrontation'

Why - does it open out in to an episode of Octonauts to distract the dcs or can you whack them with it?

First of all their are some people who think telling your child of is tantamount to child abuse

I was beaten as a child so don't smack my. Children but I don't think anyone else whop gives their child the odd smack is the devil

As long

As its

Always an open hand

Never round the face

And never a object

Also as long as the child is not under 1 or over about 11 if your stil
Smacking past 11 you should be worried about

Only expect ions to this past 11 is if they get brought home by the police, get expelled or get pregnant

All 3 deserve a slap round the chops

Optimally you would hurl from a distance of 3 feet

Duly noted

MilaMae
I certainly don't condemn those who smack, as I said I have lost my temper and done it myself. But there are posters who think that smacking is a legitimate method of discipline. This is what I disagree with.

Yanbu.I do not smack dc. I hate seeing kids get smacked,really upsets me.Probably going to get slated for saying this, but it always seems to be the loud mouth,tatooed,smoking,daily star kind of people. Sorry to p anyone off!

Mila - I agree (I mentioned that earlier). I don't let myself off the hook for frequent shouting. It's a sign that you need to think again about how you are tackling things. Often it doesn't work, even if it's not damaging.

Smacking is a legal and legitimate method of discipline in the UK.

The vast majority of parents who condone smacking dont actually have to do it very often. It is an effective threat to say "do that again and you will get a smacked bottom". The warning is usually enough for a child to think twice, as a smacked bottom is not particularly pleasant.

As far as I am concerned that is much more efficient and effective than faffing around saying "oooh please dont do that", "ohhh no, I said no", "one last warning and you are on the naughty step".. and on and on and bloody on....

Probably going to get slated for saying this, but it always seems to be the loud mouth,tatooed,smoking,daily star kind of people.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha....

My mother never swore, despised tattoos, and wouldnt use the Daily Star for polishing the silver. She would certainly smack my backside if I misbehaved in public though. And, as I knew she WOULD do it, I tended to behave rather than push her.

I don't agree with smacking! All small children should be locked in a cupboard with duct tape on their gobs, around 18ish.

I have let two out so far-the are great kids.The other is due for release in about 5/6 years.

Don't agree one bit not so hot when I go out the children out of control seem to be the guardian, brikenstock wearing lot like my Sil

It was quite sad wafting her explain to a bur mused 2 year old why you should eat your dinner while she spat at her

They don't believe in raised voices or the naughty step and her child is the worst behaved child I know over christmas I watched her spit, slap my Sil demand things throw toys one of which hit the flat screen and cracked it

I not saying she should of smacked her but some people its smacking or no discipline at all theirs no middle ground almost

if you need to resort to smacking to control your child you have lost!

Smacking was only ever a last resort in our house. Not a first reaction. And only ever for naughty behaviour that I certainly knew was naughty in the first place.

Tralala, what would you do if your 13year old daughter got up close in your face and said "why dont you fuck off"?

well it seems the other forms of punishment arent really working are they

look at the numbers of school exclusions, police cautions and assaults by school aged kids now as compared to say even 25 years ago.

squeaky - God, would I feel like smacking her. But If I did it, then she would have the upper hand and the moral high ground. I'd swallow it and walk away. Then I'd think about punishment. Then Id have a long lecture chat about what is going on that she thinks it's OK to swear at me.

reading the UP thread the other day and many parents who use UP would equally be shocked at parents who use the naughty step, time outs - any kind of punishment really and would judge that kind of discipline.

So instead of a small tap or smack is dragging a child back to sit on a naughty step time and time again any better and any less humiliating. Or talking the hind legs of them to make them see the error of their ways, taking away a treasured item, loosing it by shouting at them and telling them you are disappointed etc.

Smacking isn't nice, it's not the form of discipline i really want to use so try not to. I just wonder if shouting or using you adult capabilities to talk it out /manipulate the situation is any better

LeQueen - I know we've discussed this before, I agree that belief in what you are doing is the crux of it. And I an't bear threats that aren't carried out, and long discussions with toddlers who are beside themselves. But if you are ^that6 good, you don't need the smacking