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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at how many mners seem to condone smacking

780 replies

Cat98 · 03/05/2011 13:47

I am not talking about people who have smacked in anger and post saying "oh no, I lost it and smacked my DC" - everyone makes mistakes and no-one is perfect! I am talking about those who use smacking as a considered, pre meditated form of punishment/discipline. I know this was discussed a lot on another thread a few days ago, and I was pretty much told "each to their own" - but I am genuinely surprised that it seems to be a popular method here?

OP posts:
cannydoit · 04/05/2011 10:22

who said anything about smacking a child who walked in to a road?? i assumed that if your mother walked in to a road you would put out your hand to stop her.

echt · 04/05/2011 10:22

Love the argument about most MNers wouldn't hit a random stranger, as if that was a plus.

You don't hit strangers because you'd get decked. And arrested.

Better to pick on a little person you sprogged.

Mamaz0n · 04/05/2011 10:24

Smacking in England has yet to be banned. Not becuase people think it shold be legal but because It would be far too difficult and expensive to police.

They have outlawed physical chastisement in every other way possible. They are hoping that natural evolution will end up making the act obsolete without the state having to tell you that it is wrong.

It is odd that those who activly use the practice feel so affronted at the use of its name.

echt · 04/05/2011 10:25

Also loving the bit about explaining it to the person you hit; talk it through with them.

Check the Relationships thread for people who rationalise their violence.

Just substitute wife for child and see how good that sounds.

gawdblimey · 04/05/2011 10:26

i wonder how many of the non-smackers dont think twice about being a smoker around their kids

Mamaz0n · 04/05/2011 10:27

i don't smack, dont smoke and don';t drink around my children. I won't get drunk if i am to come home and be responsible for my children either.

next.

Mamaz0n · 04/05/2011 10:28

echt - ahh yes but that is because you don't have teh right to assault yoru partner. But you it is not only your right but your "responsibility" to assault your child apparently.

echt · 04/05/2011 10:29

My God, gawdblimey that's an awesome parallel.

Perhaps some of the non-smackers are overweight, and that invalidates their arguments, too.

cannydoit · 04/05/2011 10:29

i love the fact that there is this belief among the anti smackers (great term) that these poor brow beaten terrified children, live in constant fear of been beaten half to death by their evil harridan of a mother over the tiniest infringement. because we feel we have a right to beat their happy childhood out of them and you are here to try to make us see that there is a better way and in doing so save our poor battered children from a life of abuse and growing up damaged and a drain on society in general.
and yet you wonder how we could find that insulting.

echt · 04/05/2011 10:31

No, cannydoit, we just think it's wrong to hit kids.

cannydoit · 04/05/2011 10:33

and yes echt if i were to kick the ever living shit out of my kids then that would be a problem and considered child abuse just as kicking the ever living shit out of your wife is considered domestic abuse.

Mamaz0n · 04/05/2011 10:34

but if he just gives her an open palmed slap then that is ok?

cannydoit · 04/05/2011 10:36

and there is nothing wrong with having that opinion, just like there should be nothing wrong with the other side thing that it is ok to slap kids but that doesnt seem to be the consensus.

cannydoit · 04/05/2011 10:39

sure mama just as much as its ok for you it give your partner a bit of a light tap every now and then huh. you do like to be deliberately provocative dont you my dear.

knittedbreast · 04/05/2011 10:47

I dont think smacking is wrong, call it what you like smacking or hitting- or the latest "tapping".

i think we worry too much about the effect on the children- we stop saying anything negative, use silly rather than stupid etc... but for years children have grown up being smacked, working in mines etc and most still turned out as decent people in fact with better morals than we see in our society today.

one thing i do think though, if you smack a child how do you know how much force to use? i think a its pointless tapping a child on the hand, you may as well have not bothered. so then if its to be a one off you have to do it hard, but how hard?

i dont know, once you have done it, theres no where else to go.

lots of mums i know smack, ive never seen them but we have talked about it. i suppose you cant smack in public anymore.

when i was little i was with my mum, my best friend and her mum and my friend lucy ran into the busy road with traffic going both ways, her mum screamed her name and then closed her eyes, by some miracle she wasnt hit by a car and ran back to us. what did her mum do? smacked her so bloody hard and then grabbed her and held her close and cried.

cunexttuesonline · 04/05/2011 10:52

Alldirections - cannydoit and gemsy were the ones int his thread who said they do use smacking as a form of discipline and they are ok with that, so yes your interpretation was wrong.

As for your seatbelt issue, I can see why you did it. But it wasn't your only option. You could have stopped the car and refused to go til she put the belt on and kept it on, every time its taken off you stop the car. Explaining also that it is illegal for mummy to drive without her wearing her seatbelt and it is for he safety. i think at the age of 4 she could grasp that. That takes a hell of a lot longer than a smack, definitely, but it's a lot kinder to her and more respectful. She needs to learn how to behave and dishing out a bit of violence is not an appropriate lesson for her.

i am not trying to be nasty, but you seem happy with your way of dealing with the situation, when I think it was the wrong thing to do.

cannydoit · 04/05/2011 10:55

i suppose that would be called panic slapping knitted, she slapped her out of fear or something. i think a lot of people do that. my ten year old ran in to the road the other day and i grabbed her arm quite hard and dragged her back and freaked out a bit. apologised for hurting her and then cried because she nearly died lol.

ScousyFogarty · 04/05/2011 11:02

Yes, I think parents do smack in anger and despair.

Teachers used to cane in anger.

knittedbreast · 04/05/2011 11:09

dont some private schools still smack aswell?

cannydoit-imagine if that had happened now,i can prefectly see the same situation happening, child runs into road mum grabs her and smacks her-cue police arresting mum for child abuse.

its all gone too far the other way, we shoud be able to choose how we discipline our children. i have always said if mine did something warrenting it i would smack.

my son triend to put hi hand in the flames of my hob i smacked his hand hard and out of the way. he was shocked and cried a bit. i felt a bit guilty but was glad he wasnt burnt. a while later i was getting heavy hot roast out of the oven my younger daughter goes towards the oven i think fuck fuck, and then dont smack her as ds was sad so i yell at her to get out while trying to put hot stuff down without dropping it on her head she ignores me and grabs the the metal shelf in the oven and screams-cue burn on her hand.

i wish i had smacked her now, you should see the looks i get when people saw the small burn mark on her hand-like ive done it on purpose. you cant win.

Mamaz0n · 04/05/2011 11:15

In most arguments i would agree with you. But there are some where i just cannot see anything that could be said or done to make me feel that the opposition argument could be condoned.

I will never believe female circumsition is ok, I will never agree with JW refusal of blood transfusions, and i will never believe it is ok to slap a child.

It is not like the use of one pram Vs another, there is no middle ground where you can agree that it is personal choice. Personal choice only applies where no one is being harmed or affected.

I will never be able to agree that it is ok to hit a child.

ScousyFogarty · 04/05/2011 11:27

straight forward,Mama

SusanneLinder · 04/05/2011 11:47

This is a pointless argument, going round and round in circles. No one is going to change their views on this one, and it will be the forumsville hot potato for years to come.

I don't smack my kids, not anti-smacking,just see it as pointless,however I am surprised at the amount of people that don't discipline their kids at all (I don't mean on mn).

Far too many spoiled brats about that have been indulged by their parents. Kids are kids and should be treated as such. parents are not their friend, they are their parents.

JamieAgain · 04/05/2011 11:55

I have caught up now, and realise that no-one replied to my calm and rational anti-smacking posts. And also I'd like to know how anyone could disagree with that list of reasons not to smack, and alternatives to smacking someone got from the NSPCC website back on page 7 or so. I don't think you could.

So instead of saying: "I smack in extremis and I acknowledge it isn't the best way and will try and think of alternatives" some of you say "I smack in extremis and therefore smacking is a valid form of discipline".

JamieAgain · 04/05/2011 11:57

Oh, and as I have said before, I also agree that no discipline is bad, shouting and screaming is bad, but none of those facts make smacking OK

echt · 04/05/2011 12:17

canydoit. Not sure what your point is.

Of course there's nothing wrong with having an opinion, a thought, but yours is about action. Hitting kids.

It's. Not. OK. It's wrong, wrong, wrong.

Not hitting kids doesn't imply not disciplining at all.

Not hitting doesn't imply emotional torture.

Not hitting = not hitting.