or is my sister?

[drowninginlaundry]

just trying to do the right thing here so help me out:
over the Easter break me and DH went away for 10 days on a charity expedition. My sister, her DH and their two DDs stayed in our house with my mum to look after our three DCs. She volunteered to do this, it was agreed ages ago and it was the only way we could have done it.

We've just had a horrible row over money. We left a float of £300 when we left, my bank card with PIN with instructions that if they needed more for food, outings with the children etc they were to use it. We left them our car, insure them on it. Arranged and paid for cleaners.

When we got back I saw that DSis and brother in law have withdrawn another £700 in cash in 10 days, plus spent £250 on my card, so in total they spent £1250 from our account in 10 days, to feed three adults, four children and one 9-month old baby.

There's history - I help my sister out a lot. When they lived abroad they would visit us on holidays and rarely paid for anything, they drove my car and I filled it with petrol, we always fed them well. She owes me money and I had agreed to waive a £200 debt as a thank you for childcare over Easter.

When I queried the £1250, which as it transpired included things like pub lunches for everyone and filling her car with petrol, she blew her top, and said that since she helped look after my children they should not have had to pay for anything.

I'm happy to contribute for some of their food and obviously they have done us a massive favour, but there is no way I would manage to spend that much in 10 days without going completely nuts in Tesco champagne section. I want her to pay some of her family's share back as we simply can't afford to pick up that kind of tab (put it this way, they don't spend like that when it's their own money. They are both teachers so good jobs but not loaded), but I don't know how much would be reasonable given how much they helped us. And I don't want us to fall out over this.

i think paying for thier home cooked food needs, cleaners and petrol was enough - you shouldn't have had to pay for a whole list of treats. i bet they really enjoyed having a whole lavish free holiday at your expence. 150 a day is way over the top because the poster had passes for most things. which makes me wonder what on earth they did spend the money on?

I would just add some caution to some of the comments posted - by cutting her off/giving no presents at Christmas etc - you may lose contact with your 2 nieces. That's why I'd keep the peace but be VERY careful and see her less. You can give nieces what you'd ususally give them for Christmas etc but give nothing/token to sis and BIL.

I looked after my sister's two children for a week last summer. It simply would not have occurred to me to ask her for money.

I think your sister has behaved appallingly.

However, I don't think you will get any money back from her.

thank you all. She made me feel so mean and shitty when she stormed out slamming doors saying that I was taking the piss and used her for free childcare.

You won't ever get this money back. Her behaviour is outrageous. I would cut her off completely,she is a grasping witch & as for the husband wearing yr dh clothes??!!! WTF!
You will not shame someone like that.

also just think of all the money she saved herself - money you would normally spend to keep a family during a week off school. i bet she has stocked up on a years supply of tampax also!

I'd never use my sister like that, i think the world of her.

It sounds as though they were living as though they were all on holiday, rather than just spending time at your house minding your children.

They must have been out for a meal every day - who does that when they've got their own kitchen there and there are so many people? I can understand them having BBQs and takeaways occasionally, but meals out every day?

Are your children old enough to ask them what they did each day?

I think you were really silly to not set the boundaries before going especially if she has form.

Oh and your BIL wearing your husband's clothes? What the hell is that about? What reason did he give? He sounds as bad as her!

It's suspicious that so much was drawn out in cash, isn't it? Usually you'd pay by card for petrol and meals. Why the need for so much cash?

Just

Oh and too.

if thats her attitude im glad shes not my DCs teacher, she should be ashamed of herself, you should email her a link for this thread cuz with the money she stole you are probably paying for her internet connection for the next 6 months.

Do you have a friend who is a solicitor? If so, ask them to send a letter to her stating it's theft and if she can't provide receipts within 7 days then she must return the money (state however much you think is fair to ask for back). If not, the matter will be taken further. Hopefully that will put the shits up her. She's been underhand so why shouldn't you? Tbh I'd be fuming and would most likely cut the freeloading, greedy mare out of my life. I mean, what kind of an example does she set to your kids, who she looked after in order to rip you off?

Also can't believe your mum is as dismissive of her other daughter's behaviour as she is.

How old are your DCs - are they old enough to tell you what they did while you were away? Able to dob in their bitch of an aunt tell you if she was buying stuff for herself?

It is a horrible situation-a huge learning curve to not give them open access again- but not a lot of help for now I'm afraid.

That is a scary amount of money to get through. People are strange, aren't they - did she think you wouldn't mind?

As others have said you presumably won't be leaving yourself open to this in the future - and she has blown it slightly as you will never lend her money again, or look after her children - will you?

Wow, it sounds like they had one fantastic holiday themselves and you're footing the bill.

After her parting statement about not being free childcare, don't forget it when asked to mind children, and I think your rate could be, oh, let's say £1250?

I was just wondering how she told you. Was there bravado in her voice?

Do you think that they just pocketed the cash that they withdrew?

This is unbelievable. Do people really behave like this?

Lets put it this way - ok there are only 3 of us but our last holiday which was 10 days we spent far less than this on food for 3, spa treatments for me and dh, dh having fun, creche etc actually it was £700 for us with booze and all and we didn't scrimp and save and were staying at a luxury resort (I appreciate that we had paid for accomodation already however she had paid accomodation already didn't she!!!!)

Is it possible that your sister/her DH has debts that they slyly paid off?

Awful!

*with your money.

YANBU. You trusted her and she has betrayed your trust. My sister helps me out loads, but I would never take advantage of her kindness/trust. If she left me her bank card I would not treat myself to pub lunches.

YANBU, what a horrible, horrible thing to come home to. And I disagree with those who say you brought it upon yourselves. If you felt you could trust her with your most precious posessions - your children - then why wouldn't you feel you could trust her to do the right thing with your money?

I have to be honest and say, I wouldn't want a relationship with her in the future so I think I'd be tempted by the solicitor's letter idea. I wouldn't give a toss about keeping the peace with someone who can rip off her own sister but I would at least feel better if I got some of that money back. It's a HUGE amount to just shrug your shoulder's over.