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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need advice badly!!!

383 replies

worriedandneedsomeadvice · 25/04/2011 16:54

I've just been at the garden centre with my 7 month DD and my 4 year old cocker spaniel.

A man bent down to stroke my dog before I could tell him not to and my dog went for him. Badly. His hand was dripping blood immediately.

I apologised and apologised and my BIL (the manager of the garden centre) took over to make sure the man was okay so I could take the dog (and DD) out.

He's been a bit growly lately but has never done anything like this before.

I'm shaking. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know what to do.

He's fantastic with my DD, gentle as a lamb with her but as I said, lately he's been growly, especially at children he doesn't know so I've made sure to keep him on a lead and mostly just at home. But he loves BIL so I always take him to the garden centre when we go...

I can't believe this has happened. I don't know what to do. I'm waiting for BIL to call me, but the mans hand looked terrible... Absolutely dripping with blood. It was so quick.

Please give me some advice if you can??

OP posts:
Vallhala · 25/04/2011 18:12

"Mauled"? Hmm

Anyhow, what troubles me at this point is that the OP hasn't returned to the thread. I do hope that she and her dog are okay.

vintageteacups · 25/04/2011 18:13

"I didn't have a muzzle on him because in 4 years he's never bitten anyone"

Sorry - but that's where many dog owners fall down; it may not have bitten anyone in 4 years but now it has - you need to do something about it otherwise next time, it could be your little dd.

My grandmother's dog hadn't bitten anyone in 8 years and then bit someone who leaned over their garden fence to stroke him. Then when my grandfather pulled him away, he turned on him and badly bit his thumb and wrist - they had him put down straight away even though for the past 8 years, he'd been sleeping on my bed every time I stayed and he loved us like a human.

You can never trust any dog.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 25/04/2011 18:14

Um, at this point, I'm kind of thinking - lots of posts about the man and the police and whatever, and all I can think of is 'what about your child?'... seriously - get the family pet away from the family unit. I'm sorry, but that is dangerous behaviour and you DON'T know what has caused it, so do something.

the man will do what he does - not a lot you can do about that, but YOU are responsible for what happens in your own home and you have a 7month old child. WTF are you doing wasting time on here - Get That Dog Away From Your 7mth DD!!.

Sorry - this is NOT intended as offensive, but god almighty, how many of us have seen stuff on television about dogs - always described as 'oooh, it was a loving family pet' etc etc... having savaged a child. And it may only be one bite - but if that bite is brutal or well placed....
Good luck with all of it, incidentally, sounds bloody stressful
xx

GnomeDePlume · 25/04/2011 18:15

Chewed, badly bitten, mauled, take your pick.

Rhinestone · 25/04/2011 18:15

Gnome - I am 'safe'! But if someone came up to me and stroked my head without introducing themselves first then I'd bite too!

moosemama · 25/04/2011 18:16

Rhinestone, you are right and I agree, from a purely dog behaviour perspective the dog might have done what came naturally (although we still don't know if the behaviour was pain or threat driven). The fact remains, that for dogs to live peacefully with modern day humans either they, we or a mix of both, need to be able to control those particular impulses/reactions.

Thousands of years of evolution and development have taken place since either dogs or humans were able to live a truly natural and instinctive life. It would be wonderful if the world was still like that (in some ways) but the fact remains that we do have to conform to modern day social norms. If we/they don't, unfortunately the anti-dog lobby are given all the rope they need to hang us.

Rainbow, that is a really useful example of why its so important to get dogs who are acting out of character thoroughly checked out by a vet. Glad to hear he recovered and is still a much loved family pet. Smile

Vallhala · 25/04/2011 18:19

Sorry Gnome, it was petty of me to argue over semantics. I realised as soon as I'd posted that I was jumping down your throat unnecessarily. My apologies.

GnomeDePlume · 25/04/2011 18:20

Which would be an assault, Rhinestone.

lockets · 25/04/2011 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moosemama · 25/04/2011 18:21

Lostmyidentity, I'm sure, much as she loves her dog, the OP is not going to put her child at risk by allowing the two of them to be together. She has already stated that the dog is behind a locked baby gate in another room. Given that the baby is only 7 months, for the time being that is a sensible - and safe - course of action.

She isn't wasting time on here either, she hasn't been back in a while, I presume because she is dealing with the situation. Just because she was posting on here - doesn't mean she is allowing the dog and child to come into contact.

Vallhala · 25/04/2011 18:21

Lost, if you read the OPs posts you'll see that she is already keeping dog and child seperate, you've no call for worry on that score.

Bottleofbeer · 25/04/2011 18:21

I fully agree with you Rhinestone - it almost illustrates my point. They are pack animals, we've simply domesticated them and they will always have their primal instincts. It's definitely something to bear in mind when deciding to get a dog, especially when you have children.

Our dog used to sit sentry at my kid's feet, loyal as you like but I always remembered she was still a dog and never left them alone together. Even the most lovely family dogs can and do turn. Once they show ANY aggression or bite then you need to think long and hard about what you're going to do and not ignore it.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 25/04/2011 18:22

LostMyIdentity - I don't think it's your identity you have lost? FGS the dog is already behind a gate and nowhere near Worrieds DD - she has already said she doesn't leave them alone together and she's busy finding out what she needs to do and how the man is doing. Get a gripl

moosemama · 25/04/2011 18:22

Cross posts again Val! Smile

Rhinestone · 25/04/2011 18:24

Moose - I did say that it is not desirable for dogs to display their primeval protective instincts towards garden centre shoppers!

I just don't like it when dogs get blamed for displaying their innate 'dog' traits that humans have benefitted so much from for tens of thousands of years.

I suspect most members of the 'anti-dog' lobby would very happily be rescued by a dog if they were trapped in an earthquake / avalanche etc. And I suspect they would be very happy if the person who burgled their house / stole their car was caught by a police dog.

But I think we're largely in agreement with each other so I will simply sniff your bottom and walk on!

GnomeDePlume · 25/04/2011 18:25

No worries, Vallhala. I worry that people assume that everyone knows how to behave around dogs. Many people dont for perfectly good reasons (no dogs in their family). The result as in this case possibly wont be fair on either the human or the dog.

Punkatheart · 25/04/2011 18:25

We once had a blue roan cocker - rescued from an abusive owner. He was vicious at times and bit a lot of family members. Sorry - but there can be a problem with the breed and a vet should be able to advise you....

Our cocker made it to almost 18 - he mellowed in old age...

Rhinestone · 25/04/2011 18:29

Gnome - wow, you must have a great view form atop your high horse. Hmm

Bottle - I agree, dogs and small children shouldn't be left alone together, as much for the dog's sake. And of course aggression is undesirable in most cases. I just think us humans can do a lot more to understand dogs and help avoid the behaviour in the first place! But you can have a friendly bottom sniff too! Smile

moosemama · 25/04/2011 18:32

Rhinestone, yep we are in agreement. Smile I do feel the same way, but having owned a highly fear aggressive large breed myself in the past, I guess I'm perhaps a little over-sensitive to the practicalities of handling these situations. It certainly helped me to, at least kind of, see things from both points of view.

My boy lived a full and happy life until he died from cancer at 7 1/2 years old. Never once did we put him in a situation where he could frighten, let alone bite anyone.

I am also a rather idiotic people appeaser, so have my own innate desire to try and put forward both points of view - which can be more than a tad confusing when I actually ally with one far more than the other. Blush

Bottleofbeer · 25/04/2011 18:33

Once again Rhinestone, I totally agree. Maybe today the dog that bit me wouldn't have been PTS but I think it was just generally the done thing on the early 80s when it happened.

To be fair, many years later a boy I knew (who'd been there at the time) said he recalled the incident clearly and admitted he'd pulled his tail which caused him to snap and catch me. Wasn't the dog's fault but then if a load of us toddlers hadn't been left alone with said dog the incident could have been completely avoided.

Threelittleducks · 25/04/2011 18:41

Moral of the story people: don't pat strange dogs without asking the owner first.

Dogs can be trusted. But you must make the effort to understand them. They are individuals and have individual personalities. Don't judge them by human standards, judge them by the doggy rules they have.
And for buggery sake don't stick your hand into their territory!

Op, I hope your poor doggy gets sorted out. I don't believe in dogs that suddenly 'turn' for no good reason.
Like anything, there's always a reason.
Good luck. Some cracking advice on here :)

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 25/04/2011 18:46

Would it be a good idea for the OP to try to contact the man who was injured, to see how he is, to apologise again, and to assure him that they are treating the situation as seriously as it warrants?

vintageteacups · 25/04/2011 18:55

threelittleducks - if the man had asked the OP though, she would probably have said "oh, yes, he's fine" because she'd never had any probs in 4 yrs.

Original poster
worriedandneedsomeadvice · 25/04/2011 18:56

Thanks for everyones posts. DH has spoken to BIL... The man is happy not to take it further, but may need a couple of stitches. They're going to keep us posted.

I'll take my dog to the vet first thing, they're closed now.

And just to say - I would never ever get rid of my dog or have him put to sleep or allow that to happen. I understand that this is a problem but he's my baby - that would never be the solution.

I've really pulled and prodded him (paws, ears, face in general) in the past hour or so and I really don't think anything on him hurts.

Maybe it was / has been about DD... They do get the opportunity to be together when DH or myself are holding one of them and they really seem to love each other... My dog absolutely adores DD, sleeps under her crib, waits outside the door when I'm bathing her, wags his tail constantly if we're playing with her, tries to get into my lap to lick her...

God what an awful day!

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedandneedsomeadvice · 25/04/2011 18:58

Vintage - I wouldn't have said 'he's fine'

I have always refused people who want to stroke him... Purely because I don't see why he should be messed around. Dogs are unpredictable... I know that. I just didn't see this.

OP posts:
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