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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to strip DDs bedroom of all her personal possesions?

410 replies

VoldemortsNipple · 25/04/2011 10:32

I really need some good advice on how to handle this. Sorry its long.

DD is 14. her bedroom is a tip. I dont mean normal teenage mess, I mean environmental hazard mess. There are dirty dishes that she sneaks up there, pot noodle pots shoved down the side of her bed. We had mice at Christmas!

All her clothes are dirty. I have asked time and time again for her to bring washing down. All she brings is the bare minimum of washing that she needs, ie; one set of school uniform, one pair of jeans and a top that she wants to wear. She normally washes her own clothes now because of this, but she washes them as she needs them. She has a binbag full of washing in one corner, the rest is all over the floor, including smelly dirty underwear. When she runs out of clean underwear, she will take to wearing mine. She will even wear her brothers boxers.

She has broken countless expensive items by lack of respect. Her laptop over heats because she would fall asleep with it on her bed. Now she will take her brothers things without asking and refuses to give them back or denies she has them until we have a big shouting match about it. We have to unplug the wireless router and take it to bed with us or she will sneak downstairs and be on the intenet until early hours of the morning.

I have helped her tidy her room countless times but within a few days it is a mess again. The bedroom is now in such a mess it stinks. Last summer she paid for paint and new soft furnishings to decorate the room herself. I thorght then that she would begin to take pride in it but she still doesnt care.

Her personal hygiene is also very bad. She goes out to school with perfectly straight hair and make up on, but she will smell of BO because she hasnt washed. If we are lucky she will have a shower once a week.

On Friday I gave her an ultimatum that she has until the end of today to clean her room or I will go in and clean it for her and on doing so will remove all her things. Up until not she hasnt done a thing and I really dont expect her to.

So tomorrow I want to not only clean her room, but take away all her things including books, ipods, make up and straigteners (which will upset her the most) and leave her with two sets of clothes, underwear, uniform and pyjamas.

I want her to respect her own and other people posessions. I dont know whether by leaving her with so little will do more harm than good but I just dont know what to do next.

OP posts:
cjel · 28/04/2011 19:30

stay strong!!! Youa re right calm always better, then they have no angry words in their heads to hate you forxxxx

heliumballoons · 28/04/2011 19:35
Grin

And extra points for the staying calm - it does rile them doesn't it.

heliumballoons · 28/04/2011 19:35

Oh and I think it riles more becuase then they know you mean it and your not just angry iyswim?

IloveJudgeJudy · 28/04/2011 19:38

Well done, Voldy. I also think she's probably angry because you are so calm. Keep that up. It's obviously really beginning to sink in.

ninja · 28/04/2011 19:39

Sorry not read the whole thing but at that age I didn't wash and probably stunk because I was incredibly self-conscious. It's a tough age .....

TheSkiingGardener · 28/04/2011 20:27

Good going Voldemort. I now predict an arsenal of every trick she has in the book.

We could do a sweepstake on the techniques she will try? I predict "You hate meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" next.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 28/04/2011 20:36

Keep Calm & Carry On [cgrin]

I bet that was a thump down to earth when she realised you hadn't just tidied up her room for her to trash it again!!

How old are the boys?

Let her come to you... have you put anything in the basket today?

PS: Did you tell her it was against the rules to leave the laptop on the floor?

QuelleLeJeff · 28/04/2011 20:41

You are doing BRILLIANTLY!

Sarraburd · 28/04/2011 20:45

Stay on target Voldy, stay on target. Classic teenage flak attack, taking it out on the other dcs - I did it all the time, cringe. Maybe offer the other dcs some kind of reward/outing for putting up with all the inevitable lashings out while you go through this??

Also whoever suggested keeping anything you would have to buy again if she chucks out out of laziness - maybe keep an inventory of what she chucks and refuse to replace anything chucked within six months??

Original poster
VoldemortsNipple · 28/04/2011 20:51

The boys are 12 and 8 chippingIn

She has so tried to lock me in the garden (when I was gardening) and told me I couldnt come in unless I gave her her laptop. She got fed up after 5 minutes when I just carried on gardening.

She has put programmes on about ghosts and blood to scare the boys.

She even treid to wind the dog up by asking if he wanted to go for a walk and then sitting back down.

She told DS2 that she had taken his iPod just to get a reaction. The iPod was right next to DS.

She is trying to prove a point that she is being treated unfairly because the DSs hav'nt been punnished and their bedroom is messier than Hers.

Erm yes!! Because I tidied her room.

OP posts:
DontdoitKatie · 28/04/2011 20:54

Is there a reason why you didn't tidy theirs? Her brother is only two years younger, is she right you're treating them differently?

meltedchocolate · 28/04/2011 20:57

Go Voldy :o

NorksAreMessy · 28/04/2011 21:02

Well done...keep strong. I have teenagers too, but not to this extent of teenageryness...they major in knowitallability rather than grungyness, but I still feel your pain.
Remember ther is only one of her, and Squillions of mumsnetters all cheering you on!

ItDoesntBodenWell · 28/04/2011 21:03

I have been lurking (and learning for future times) but just have to post a :o at her even trying to wind the dog up in desperation! That's hilarious :o
Although poor doggy :)

Stick with it! So far we've had denial and anger, what's next?

NorksAreMessy · 28/04/2011 21:04

I absolutely LOVE her getting bored because you just carried on gardening. You are one cool mamma.

Southwestwhippet · 28/04/2011 21:07

Just marking my place as have been following the thread. Think you are doing a fantastic job, am feeling very nervous as my DD is 15months and throws the most almighty screaming tantrums when the world doesn't go her way. I am dreading the teenage years.

Keep us updated on hygiene-gate Grin

Maryz · 28/04/2011 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltons · 28/04/2011 21:47

Haha! [cgrin] I am sooooo waiting for the first "You have ruined my life because ..." comment, Voldy.

Just tell her that the DSs are next, but right now, she is the oldest (non-human) occcupant of the house, and you have priorities to attack. [cgrin]

My DS1's fate awaits him tomorrow.

Emmanana · 28/04/2011 23:36

Vold - you rock! Keep with it, keep calm and come on here if you need to rant! [busmile]

Original poster
VoldemortsNipple · 29/04/2011 09:15

Good morning guys.

I went to bed at 9.30pm last night to ignore increasing demands of give me my laptop, give me my laptop, give me my laptop, give me my laptop or I will keep saying give me my laptop right through gypsy wedding so you cant hear it.

I just pressed record and went to bed Grin

I thorght she might have followed me upstairs to stand at my door but she never.

When I say the boys bedroom is messier, I mean compared to what her room is now after I have cleaned it.

DS1 is fairly tidy, he always makes his bed and mostly puts things away. When we ask them to tidy up, he always makes a good effort. Unfortunatly for him, he shares the bedroom with DS2 who at only 8 is more likely to leave things lying around. There biggest problem is space and storage.

DSs have already asked if I will help them with their room and asked if they can put some things in the loft. So we will do that sometime this weekend and to be fair they will have similar responsibilities.

DD is still hiding her head in the sand over the state her room was in. Until she faces up it it, we wont make much progress I think.

OP posts:
heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 09:20

Oh voldy you are the god of not reacting. Grin

I'm not sure why but everytime I check on this thread this song comes into my head

Ivette · 29/04/2011 09:32

omg

cjel · 29/04/2011 13:13

hang in there.xx

TalkinPeace2 · 29/04/2011 14:00

bookmark

and to say to OP
WELL DONE. Stay in there.
You are inspiring me to stay calmer but be more consistent.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 29/04/2011 14:07

I don't suppose you thought to take photos before you started clearing up, did you, Voldemort? If you did, seeing those might open her eyes a bit!

Today I have warned the dses that I expect more of an effort at tidying in their rooms, and I will be taking stuff away if they don't live up to what I want from them. Ds1 and ds2's fates are postponed until after their exams, though.